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My understanding of “human”

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Editor’s note: Life is as white as it is, and it is fleeting. How to live better is a question that every one of us should think about and explore. Perhaps the thirty things that the author has learned in his 30 years of life experience can bring you some inspiration. The author of this article is Ben Faulkner, the original title 30 Things Learned in 30 Years.

1. What do others think of you is not your business. Believe in the people you love, they have the right to express their opinions. In the words of Mama Cass: “Create your own music – even if nobody sings with you.”

2. The more money there is, the more problems there are. Therefore, it is best to pursue a simple and satisfying lifestyle within the limits of what you can.

3. Listen to others and understand others. Don’t be the kind of person who doesn’t care about hanging up.

4. Set the limits and focus only on what you can control. Once you find yourself on a lot of things, you will be reborn. You will realize that you can’t control the behavior of others. You can’t let traffic congestion stop happening. You can’t do everything perfectly. However, you can reject others’ expectations. You can say no. You can remove those who spread negative energy from your life. You can love the people you choose, or you can choose to accept their love in return. You can give priority to your health and say “OK” to good things.

5. Forget about the past, your future will not be complete. Civil rights activist Ruby Sales sees this as “vision, insight and hindsight.” If you don’t understand your past, you can’t fully understand your life now and in the future. Be sure to understand your past and be proud of it.

6. As you get older, the more you know, the more you don’t know. When I was a teenager, I felt like myselfall know. It’s a great magic weapon for me to talk about it. I firmly believe that the world is in my grasp. Today, I no longer claim to know more. In fact, the more things I experience, the more new places I move into. The more new jobs I work in, the more new friends I know, the more I realize the fact that I don’t know anything.

7. Things Things change very quickly, you never know what will happen, so be always ready.

8. I don’t ask for a return. Save the good heart, do what you give, don’t be too generous, you can give up any reciprocal thoughts, and then you will find that giving is a source of liberation and endless happiness.

9. Image, status, power struggle and perfection – these are scams. Whether it’s seeing people’s lives on Instagram, seeing others earn more than themselves, taking the achievements of children (and/or pets) as their own, gloating over the failure of colleagues, or becoming a mentor and eye-catching Buy a better house, have 1 million fans, become CEO at the age of 25, and release 1 billion beautiful selfies. Seriously, these don’t make any sense. I advise you to stop in time.

10. Out of the cabinet is a lifelong process, you need to be yourself.

11. Trauma exists not only in the brain, but also in the body. The famous psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk wrote that trauma is “the way the body scores.” When I moved to Washington, DC last year, I was forced to experience trauma that I didn’t even know. My body responds to situations in a disturbing way – chest tightness, handshake, sweating, rapid heartbeat and shortness of breath. I don’t understand why this happened. It was not until I accepted the medical consultation that I began to understand the root causes of these phenomena. All along, I only know how trauma and stress affect people’s brains and cognition.

12. Learning is everything, never forever stop learning.

13. Beautiful is the essence of the soul. Cheryl Strayed’s mother wrote in the book “Wild”: “Every day there are sunrises and sunsets, you can choose to watch the sunrise and sunset. You can walk on the road of beauty.”

14. Everyone is doing their best. Suppose everyone in your life is like this – I think, the whole world is like that – thenThe burden on your shoulders will be lessened. It will make you more kind and let you love more fearlessly.

15. Don’t think about being alone. Don’t escape the promise of others. You need them, as social animals, human beings are born like this. Yes, perhaps human beings are inherently chaotic, but isolating themselves is a more chaotic existence.

16. Learn to be self-reliant. Sometimes self-reliance is yours. Perhaps the more you know as you grow older, the more you don’t know. This is true, but self-reliance will make you more confident in this uncertainty. Sometimes you can dance with your own rhythm.

17. “Happy families are mostly similar, and unfortunate families are different.” In recent years, my relationship with my brothers and sisters, cousins, uncles, and parents has experienced unexpected results. Variety. After I learned about my struggles, I also had more understanding and attention to them. I understand that no family is perfect. Accept the confusion of bringing different people together, love the true self, and be healthier.

18. Create for yourself, not for others. You can’t control how people react to your creative work. Some people may like it, and some people may hate it. It may be very popular today and it may be vetoed the next day. It may resonate with some people, not everyone. But what about it? The most important thing is that you have to connect with your work. Work gives you life, helps you understand your world, and brings you closer to your true self. Even if your work is not created by others, it is not a waste of time. What are you more willing to do? Is it a story you like, or do you take the time to cater to the “trends” of the market you hate? If one day your work overlaps with the market “trends”, then it would be great. But then you have to be careful, because then you are not just working for yourself, but also working for others, after which your work and creation may be changed.

19. Life is always struggling between stability and adventure. Staying at home to watch a book on Saturday? Still going to climb a mountain? Or break the routine to do something else? Be accustomed to this tension – but when you feel that you are leaning too much in one direction, pay attention to balance.

20. Standardized exams are purely nonsense. Such tests cannot measure anything important, but instead undermine the education of the entire country and continue racial/economic inequalities. Countries with successful education systems such as Finland and Canada rarely conduct standardized tests. It’s time for the standardized exams — and the standardized testing industry — to go to hell.

21. Don’t swallow the bitter fruit of “hurry”. This hectic lifestyle suggests that we should all work for a culture-based, city-based startup. We should “love what we do”, post it on social media, then work, work, and work. In her New York Times article, Erin Griffith discusses why young people pretend to love work. This kind of mentality, obsessed with busyness at the expense of health, is not only less efficient in the long run, but also used by the “upper” people, and this part of the people does not have to be busy for survival. That’s right, the reality is like this. So don’t do it anymore. Nowadays I have learned to enjoy life. Most days I will not work deliberately until after 5 pm, and then use the rest of the time to do what I want to do.

22. You are just an ordinary person. This may sound frustrating, but it will give you incredible freedom. In this way, you can avoid the pressure of “doing the best for everything” and only consider how to live your life. I often encounter students who suffer from an invisible and heavy pressure to become the “best” person and demand that everything be “perfect.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in the past year, students are afraid of imperfect curriculums because they feel the need to “maximize” time, “do more” and “do” Best.” The truth is that accepting the ordinaryness of life allows you to discover the value of something that is really important to you: love, friends, work, hobbies, pets, etc. that you like. Think about how much energy you have wasted to do your best in everything, and then use that energy for important things.

23. Family is important. I have moved six times in my life, and every time I need to change some of my “basic parts” to suit the new environment. It took me a long time to adapt to the new environment, feel sad about the last “home”, and rebuild my life in a new environment. In some cases, these past “homes” are more like the soul devices that I have stored in the past, rather than the precious chapter of life. Of course, every step of life is complicated – good or bad. But every new experience taught me a new resilience and gave me the opportunity to re-recognize myself. However, in any case you need to find your own home and build it.

24. Life is creation. Anthropologist Mary Catherine Bateson describes how to live as a “primary observer and happy participant” in her book Composing a Life. Before that, I have moved a lot of times, I have to start a new life again, and oftenIt is from scratch. The last time was in Washington, DC. I think my brain and body have almost collapsed after experiencing so many “writing new life”. But I think this is also a proof of human resilience. In Dr. Bateson’s view, living as a “happy participant” is both a decision and a life gesture.

25. Be kind to others and be kind to yourself. Do unto others, do not impose on others. Treat everyone fairly and understand them and their experiences in good faith.

26. Gratefulness and opinions are everything. Without a point of view, it is hard to be grateful. Many times, without major challenges, you can’t get the right perspective. Despite this, I would rather have a hard-won view and full gratitude, rather than having my own views and gratitude. (If this makes any sense.)

27. “Be faithful to yourself.” Simply put, our time in this world is very short, and there is no need to pretend and pretend for the eyes of others. There is no need to waste this time.

28. Being born is a person who deserves to love. In the summer of 2013, I experienced a terrible crisis of survival. I was diagnosed with depression. If I don’t like my friends who believe in the Bible to tell me many times, I am worried that I will really go to hell. Then I might end my life that summer. But I didn’t, I chose to live. The most important lesson I have learned is to learn to love as a human being. We are born like this, and this is why we live. Without it, our souls will wither.

29. It’s your own initiative to find happiness, not to wait for happiness to find you. You must find happiness, put away your armor, build trust with it, embrace it, and accept it. Finding happiness may not be easy. But if there is no risk, our life is spent on alert – this may make us feel safer, but what do you think is the price?

30. The secret of a happy life is to work hard, sleep late, drink a beer, go to work without traffic jams, and have a front parking space.

Translator: Xitang