This article is from WeChat official account:Simple psychology (ID: janelee1231)< span class="text-remarks">, collation: Li Weiwai, Yuning, editor, Li Weiwai, original title: “After giving up being a normal person, life is normal: 10 “off-track” stories”, Head picture from: “We Who Can’t Become Beasts”
A few days ago, I asked everyone for “off-track moments” in life. This question originated from a chat with a friend. She said: “I feel that I am getting more and more vulnerable under the 985 system. The more you dare not give up this trajectory easily, you must always work hard to move up. But occasionally there is still the urge to stay away from the normal trajectory.”
Being off track is “dangerous”.Because of this, the thing that supports you behind this dangerous action is particularly fascinating: Choosing to stop while working hard is a kind of respect for self-feelings; some people choose a controversial path under the discipline of “girls should…”, this is an awakening that refuses to be defined; some people do In this niche profession that is not favored by others, you can enjoy the satisfaction that you don’t need to talk to others; others have erased the life timetable of when and what to do, and found another vast world, and the freedom brought by independent thinking. .
Let’s take a look together.
1. Everyone is working hard, but I decided to take a break
My first “off track” should be the third year of high school. Depression first appeared in the second half of the semester and gradually worsened and even fainted once. So many people around me told me whether you could end the college entrance examination. Can you stop losing the chain at a critical moment? I can say that it is the first time. Once I chose to favor myself.
I chose to be hospitalized when many teachers instilled that going home and self-study often had no good results. I took the college entrance examination the day after I was discharged from the hospital the day before the college entrance examination, and even did not study at all during the period because of anxiety, let alone “self-study”.
In the end it went smoothlyThe college entrance examination, and successfully passed the school. It’s been a few years since the college entrance examination. Looking back, maybe I don’t have those so-called moments of struggle that seemed like fighting for my own future at the last minute. Perhaps from this point of view, I deviated from the original established “other people” “Children at home” should have the track, but I think if I do it again, I might still make such a choice.
Now the state is still repeated, and the depression after becoming bipolar is even more difficult. I am also getting more and more remote on the track of “other people’s children”. To say that regrets are not reconciled, there must be everything, but they are slowly learning to accept all this. Who said there must be only one track in life? And who said that the track must meet the expectations of others?
When I was 32 years old, I was the new media editor of a cultural company. I dealt with the operations of several popular authors and some less popular authors. At the same time, I was a woman who had been married for almost 8 years. The front of my track should be to continue to climb up or jump to the top, by the way, be a self-media, give birth to a child to make some money, and finally save money to buy a house or something… But I went through a divorce within a certain month, Resigning, moving, renting a house by yourself, blocking all those who hurt yourself, and cutting off many “resources” at the same time.
I went to the South for a trip with my friends, and then lay flat in the rental house for two years. He rarely went out. He recovered from the injury of the lumbar spine and gradually learned to face up to the various psychological traumas that he had accumulated over the past 32 years. And began to accept and heal, and then officially became a freelance writer.
This is the fifth year of this year. I experienced the death of my father, the debt collection at the door of the morgue, the possession of my grandmother’s house, the villain’s imposter offending important partners and so on… Today I still don’t have any income. Stable, still renting a house, still single, but after more than four years, at least now I can “eat when I am hungry, sleep when I am sleepy, wake up when I want to, and play when I can.” Eating, sleeping, communicating, and laughing, these simple things can be very difficult.
If I hadn’t deviated from the track at that time, I think these things would still be difficult for me, but today when I write the text, it has become simpler for me. I want to say a word to the little cutie who is still in distress: If you don’t know “what you want to do”, you can start with “what you don’t want to do”. May you also have the power to say “no”!
this yearAfter graduating in June, I decided to proactively postpone it. The dissertation has not yet been completed. In fact, I can get out before the DDL. The more important reason is that I want to temporarily derail for a year, try not to be in sync with society, to feel like living for myself, and to prepare for what I like.
2020 is the most down year of my life. I am down to the point of trying fluoxetine hydrochloride and even seriously considering dropping out. Precisely because of this year, I think it is necessary for me to suspend and conduct an experiment. Yanbi is this experiment. The good result is that I can break perfectionism and peer anxiety, work hard for my ideals, and not feel like the sky will collapse when I mess up in the future.
The bad result is that this year is no different from usual. In fact, it doesn’t hurt much, because it will break my “stop it will be good” fantasy retreat, prove that I can’t parry complete freedom, so that I will no longer find excuses to shrink when encountering problems.
I just decided to postpone it for four days. During these four days, I was very fulfilled, and my resistance to the paper disappeared somehow. Of course, I also got out of control when chasing drama and brushing station b, but the previous idea of ”just do it tomorrow” is gone. Life is very long, and one year is nothing. In such a social climate of moving forward and moving forward, the courage required to stop and run is often equal.
2. The way for women is not just to become a wife and mother
I don’t have children. I often travel alone like singles after marriage. I can’t afford to go abroad, so I travel in the counties and countryside in the province. In his thirties, he is still doing marginal business in the sunset industry, and there is no promotion opportunity and too much desire for promotion. I also laugh at myself as a loser under universal values, but I am very happy to play in my own game and have a great game spirit.
I choose DINK, divorce, and live a life that only invests in myself to please myself. The cause was that I was about 30 years old. Both parents gave birth to children. I never wanted children. For a while, I was immersed in the fear that I would lose all my stable life by refusing to have children. Suddenly one day, I was relieved. If this road must be taken, then go more thoroughly and bravely pursue the formerly restrained by the family. Ideal life. My character is not accustomed to living a stable life. I travel, read, paint, chat with others and share. A person is very lonely, but a rich heart will not be lonely. Live for yourself and be responsible for yourself.
3. On that sparsely populated road, I found a sense of belonging
The most correct decision I made in my life was to become a crew. Go to every unknown port, see the beautiful scenery all over the world, and embrace every culture. Overlooking the khaki city of Egypt on the Suez Canal, bargaining with vendors on the streets of Mumbai, India, chatting with drivers on the circling highways in Athens, Greece, running on the enthusiastic beaches of Miami, watching the sunset on the side of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, Alaska took the Yukon train and ate Chinese food in the Flower City of Victoria, Canada…I love everything that this job brings me, even the scars, I think it’s worth it.
In the past three years, I have been to nearly 40 countries. I often call myself an “international” because I am open-minded, willing to experience different cultural feasts, and always have fun inadvertently. Now that the cruise ship industry has been shut down due to the epidemic, even though I am at home, I always miss the once-free life. Picture one is a photo with June, my favorite guest. She brought me a lot of happiness and touch. Picture two is one of my favorite places, Geirangerfjord in Norway. The world is really big, we must dare to face the unknown and challenges. I have decided