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There is only one kind of success in this world, and that is to live this life according to one’s wishes.

Editor’s note: This article comes from the WeChat public account “Glass Language Professional Beauty” (ID:crystal_words) , Author Zhao Xiaoli.

01

A few days ago, the dancer Yang Liping cooked a hot pot on a video platform. The idea is to eat hot pot with flowers.

It was a very good video, but it didn’t take long to publish it. Someone sent a comment below—

“The biggest failure of a woman is that there is no child. The so-called living out of yourself is all blinded. If you are 30 years younger and you are 100 years old, can your face remain as 30 years old? No matter how beautiful or excellent you are, you can’t escape the devastation of years. By the age of 90, you won’t be able to enjoy the grandeur of children and grandchildren.”

It was such a comment, which received over 10,000 approvals.

For a while, there were a lot of hot discussions online, and more netizens even complained about the artist. Some people posted this on Weibo, and female stars stood up one after another and supported Yang Liping.

Soon, Liping Yang was sent for thisAfter the hot search, she also responded——

“People will grow old and die, and no one can save you, but your spirit is young and your breath is beautiful. It will exude a special taste. As long as you think you have a good life, You can do it without hurting others…”

Summary in one sentence: A brave life never needs to be explained too much. If there is an explanation, it is hard to buy. I am happy.

After the incident, Sina Variety launched a poll “How to define successful women”. One of the options is to live the life you want and achieve freedom of the soul.

This is a portrayal of Yang Liping’s life, and is also a success many people yearn for.

The reason why that comment looks vicious is because it is obvious that the commenter made a negative criticism of Yang Liping’s life and value with his own values. This is what makes many netizens feel uncomfortable.

It’s not difficult to see from this incident that persevering in yourself is a hard way. You need to bear all kinds of pressure from the outside world, but once you persevere and live the life you want, that kind of freedom and Happiness will make you feel deeply that all this is worth it.

02

Know that everyone’s pursuit of values ​​and ideals are different, and each life has its own wonderful and regretful.

In the field of career planning, we roughly divide human pursuits and values ​​into four categories, namely:

• High: the social influence and power we desire, typical representatives such as politicians, entrepreneurs, etc.;

• Depth: the excellence and progress we desire in spirit, thought, art, physical fitness, etc., typical representatives such as artists, scientists, etc.;

• Width: The various roles we will play in life, eager to get love and harmony in our hearts, typical representatives such as charities, they hope to open, enrich and balance wellMany different roles in life;

• Temperature: The wonderful things we long for, and how much we love and recognize life in our hearts.

Generally speaking, there is a high degree of power evaluation, an in-depth academic title or industry recognition, a width with feedback from people around you, and the temperature is only known to you.

So, what kind of life value do you most desire to get? For this value, what are you willing to give up?

When we look at Yang Liping’s life, there is no doubt that she is a typical representative of “depth”.

Once upon a time, a reporter interviewed Yang Liping: “Are you kidding for dancing?”

Her answer is: “Some people’s lives are for succession, some are enjoyment, some are experiences, and some are onlookers. I am a bystander of life. In my next life, I look at how a tree grows and how river water Flow, how do white clouds float, how does nectar condense.”

In other words, the ultimate pursuit of art is Yang Liping’s most valued value. For this value pursuit, she is willing to give up the width (too low body fat rate to be a mother, the key is to give up the love of dance art) to achieve art The depth of the field.

This is Yang Liping’s life choice, and she also used her own body to finally achieve the desired life.

The values ​​are like this: it is always the standard you use to constrain or demand yourself. Once you use this standard to demand or even blame others, it is an infringement of the psychological or spiritual boundaries of others.

For the person who left a message under Yang Liping’s video, she is pursuing breadth. In her view, childbearing is a woman’s value, and she can have a bunch of children according to her wishes. Children and grandchildren are understandable.

• She was wrong. She shouldn’t use her life values ​​to demand or even blame others. Whether this person is Yang Liping or not, this approach will arouse disgust and resentment from others.

YesIt is in reality that too many people are playing the role of this “bad reviewer”, blaming and even interfering with the lives of others, and what is even more emotional is that such people are often the people closest to them. (For example, parents to children).

For many people, it is precisely because of this pressure from family that makes their desire to stick to their own roads seem more and more difficult and difficult.

03

The visitor, Jiajia (pseudonym), was troubled when she asked me for a consultation more than a year ago.

I vaguely remember that at that time, Jiajia was wearing a light blue dress with lace trimmings and long black hair draped over her shoulders. She was thin and always had an inexplicable sadness.

• At that time, Jiajia was 32 years old and had a daughter who was about to go to kindergarten. She worked in an institution in her hometown and did a job similar to financial accounting; her husband was far away The provincial capital city of that province is a teacher in the establishment of a university-the couple has been together and separated, and seeing that their daughter is going to kindergarten, they have to consider the child’s future education and other issues, which makes Jiajia difficult for a while. .

The most difficult thing for Allison is her strong mother.

It turns out that Jiajia’s mother is the chief physician of a hospital. Her mother has always had a high pursuit of her work. In Jiajia’s childhood memories, her mother chose a lamp at the desk to read a book late. Over the years, Jiajia’s mother obtained many certificates along the way and published many papers, gradually gaining a certain reputation and prestige in the unit.

However, Jiajia and her mother are different.

Since childhood, Jiajia has been interested in dancing music, but her mother hopes that she can develop in the direction of science. Because Jiajia’s mathematics and science scores are poor, the college entrance examination results are not ideal, and studying medicine is basically not Too likely, just because her mother has some connections in the financial field, Jiajia has studied finance and used her relationship after graduation to arrange her to work in an institution.

• All these years, from love to marriage to childbirth, Jiajia’s mother has kept her daughter around. She hopes that Jiajia can work hard in the field of financial work and become a person like her.

However, Jiajia is Jiajia, she cannot and will not be her mother.

From the perspective of motivation level, Jiajia’s motivation for achievement is not obvious, but the motivation for affinity is strong. She values ​​the harmony of the relationship dimension and the harmony of her family;

From the perspective of ability, Jiajia does have a shortcoming in mathematical analysis, but it has talent or potential in aesthetics;

From the analysis of personality traits, Jiajia is a proper literary temperament…

• All in all, Jiajia’s financial accounting position is a job she doesn’t like or is good at. At the same time, the long-term separation of husband and wife is really not conducive to the relationship between husband and wife and even the education of children.

Jia Jia and I made two important points.

1. In the psychological relationship, the relationship between husband and wife is the first.

Whether for Jiajia or her husband, the long-term separation and seeing no hope of reunion has a profound impact on the family. Consultation Jiajia also revealed that her relationship with her husband is very good, but the husband Going to the provincial capital city development, one is that the small county does not have a matching job opportunity and a good platform, and the other is that her husband has a very weak word about Jiajia’s current strong interference. He hopes to have an independent living space and freedom.

2. The essence of any entanglement cannot be separated from the choice. You can never meet the needs of everyone. The key is what kind of life you want.

I took Jiajia to describe three life scenes.

The first one is for her husband to return to the county to live.

It is conceivable that because there is no counterpart development opportunity in the small county, her husband can only barely find a job. At the same time, Jiajia’s mother will still be ignorant of the life of their family of three, and they will increasingly look down on their son-in-law. …

Jia Jia felt shudder at the thought of the family conflict that might occur after her husband returned, and that her children might still be under the strict discipline of Jia Jia’s mother.

Second, continue to maintain the status quo, the couple separated for a long time.

There are two cases, whether the child is going to school on Jiajia or her husband.

However, no matter where the child goes to school, the family of three will always gather together. For a long time, regardless of the family atmosphere or the establishment of the child’s sense of security, it will have an irreversible impact.

The third kind, Jiajia gave up this job that she didn’t like and was not good at, and took her children to her husband’s side.

According to this plan, from the perspective of Jiajia’s interests and talents, as well as her husband’s economic situation, she can go to the provincial capital city to learn dance or yoga. In the future, she can become a part-time dance or yoga teacher. So that you can take care of your children and family