Only by realizing self-growth and realization can happiness become possible.
Editor’s note: This article is from the WeChat public account “Liyu Professional Beauty” (ID: crystal_words), author : Zhao Xiaoli.
As “Thirty Only” ushered in the finale, some people say that Zhong Xiaoqin in the play is the most enviable one.
There is a saying that is even more so, we all hope to be Gu Jia, but afterwards everyone envy Zhong Xiaoqin.
Zhong Xiaoqin is a typical Shanghai aboriginal (except for some cute little squeamishness, there is no arrogance), the only daughter in the family (the parents also love her very much), the inner security is also very good (although doing ordinary Real estate work, but never envied Gu Jia in material aspects), but in her marriage, she met Chen Yu, the “boring gourd” (the kind who lacked love since childhood and couldn’t express, but could only work in slumber), so the two people The marriage began to quarrel, and in the end, tired of the quarrel, the two divorced.
But later, when Zhong Xiaoqin really got along with Zhong Xiaoyang, she discovered Chen Yu’s goodness and realized her immaturity; after Chen Yu got divorced, she regretted it and began to try to express her love-two people After making positive changes, they came together again.
I have to say that the happiness index rose sharply after the two remarried: Chen Yu no longer raises fish, and Zhong Xiaoqin is no longer the “bao mother” she used to be. For two people, it is new growth and change.
In my opinion, the reason why Zhong Xiaoqin and Chen Yu were able to live happily together in the end is because:
1. Two people have a certain emotional foundation
It cannot be denied that even behind Chen Yu’s seeming indifference before, he actually cared about Zhong Xiaoqin very much. For example, he heard that Xiaoqin considered the baby bed after she was pregnant.
2, the two did not betray each other during their marriage
Different from Gu Jia’s husband Xu Huanshan’s emotional betrayal, Zhong Xiaoqin and Chen Yu did not have any betrayal such as derailment in their marriage; Zhong Xiaoqin also formally dated Zhong Xiaoyang after the divorce.
3. Positive change and self-realization
After the divorce, in addition to timely reflection, the two took a series of active and effective actions.
For example, Chen Yu launched a series of actions to pursue Zhong Xiaoqin and even to please her mother-in-law. Gradually, people became cheerful and active, and gradually learned to express emotions and actively communicate.
It’s worth mentioning that Zhong Xiaoqin has gradually learned to be independent and developed a hobby of writing outside of work. She wrote a novel that happened at the age of 30 and published it. The merchants valued it and bought the copyright to this novel. Zhong Xiaoqin realized her self-worth through her hobby and received a lot of royalties.
It can be said that the later happiness of Zhong Xiaoqin and his wife was not easy to gain thanks to their hard work.
And this is the code of happiness for us ordinary people.
When the visitor Gao Hui (pseudonym) came to me for consultation, not only was there a problem with his work, but the relationship between him and his girlfriend was also anxious.
“Our main business is career counseling. Let’s solve your career problems first. If there is more time, how about answering your emotional confusion a little bit?”
At the beginning of the consultation, I needed to establish with Gao Hui to clarify the key objectives of this consultation.
Gao Hui said that he has no objections.
Gao Hui, male, 28 years old, majored in electronic information in a university, bachelor degree.
After graduation, Gao Hui has been engaged in project management. In more than 5 years of work experience, he has changed 3 companies.
When I came to the consultation, Gao Hui was doing project management in a company. It is worth mentioning that Gao Hui has been working hard in the past few years: from familiarization with the product development process, to project establishment, and subsequent product delivery, etc. Gao Hui has devoted himself to studying and researching the process, and he is also handy in the application of various project management tools.
However, for some reason, Gao Hui feels that he has been doing miscellaneous work all these years and cannot realize the sense of accomplishment, so he has beenPerplexed.
The unsuccessful work and Gao Hui’s love are also implicated. He and his girlfriend had several fierce quarrels, and even thought of breaking up.
“Tell me, what’s the feedback from your leaders?” I asked.
Understanding the feedback from the leaders and colleagues of the visitor’s unit to the TA will help to examine the plight of the visitor from the perspective of the visitor and conduct an objective analysis.
“I have a headache when it comes to this,” Gao Hui sighed and said: “Leaders always say that I am too careful about details and that project management can’t pursue perfection. I wonder, is it wrong to pursue perfection?”
The common sense here is that the difficulty of project management lies in the balance of cost, quality and time: for project managers, they should not only focus on quality, but also on cost and project progress. .
In fact, the difficulty of project management is more than these?
From my consulting experience, there are often two major difficulties in project management positions.
1, Demand Management
Requirements are the source of any project. However, precisely because of the uncertainty of the project itself, the requirements themselves have become the number one difficulty in project management.
At the beginning of the project, you need to understand the business goals through product requirements. The challenges for project managers can be described as multi-dimensional.
For example, if you need to discuss the specific needs of the project with the planning team, you need to understand——
How to better understand the core gameplay of this project? How to better clarify the priority of requirements? How to sort out the dependencies between systems as soon as possible? How to better allocate resources to maximize progress? How to quickly guide the team to carry out various tasks? and many more.
When the project execution stage is reached, the change control of requirements is also involved.
For example, if the project is halfway in progress, and suddenly the plan says to change the requirements, this time will not only increase the workload of development, but also the workload of various teams such as design and testing, and the overall goal and progress of the project Will be affected.
At this time, as a project manager, you can’t just sit back or refuse to change: Because the market environment is changing rapidly and user needs are changing at any time, you can’t be too obsessed with a certain detail or a certain plan, you must accept these Change, therefore, for the project manager, whether his adaptability is strong enough determines whether he is qualified for this position.
2, about the management of people
If project managers want to develop smoothly on this road, they must slowly complete the transition from management to management.
Because people are inseparable from behind things, the essence of managing things is to fix the people behind them.
The management of people is undoubtedly the second most difficult point in project management.
To be more specific: In terms of internal management, it is not easy to inspire team morale and maintain a strong combat effectiveness; it is even more difficult to manage the upper management part to get the core key figures, obtain the trust of the management and satisfy them. Make it harder.
In Gao Hui’s case, because he pays too much attention to the quality of the project and is too obsessed with details, it will inevitably cause dissatisfaction in various departments, and the leaders will complain about him for delaying the progress of the project. For the human part, Gao Hui is even more incapable ——So much so that he has been frustrated repeatedly in this job, it is strange to have a sense of accomplishment.
So, for Gao Hui, should he leave?
The fundamental question of any career decision is whether this career or job has the value you want?
In other words, what is your career goal?
If there is no goal, there is no way to talk about the following paths and methods, as if you have lost your way in the forest, but you don’t know where to go, no matter how good a navigation system or guide is.
And this goal is often based on value.
In other words, if the profession of project management has value that Gao Hui values, the next step is to develop strategies to actively adapt to and adjust the work status and change the problem of working conditions; if this profession does not have the value that he values, he In other words, it may be more thorough and effective to switch career tracks.
After systematic review and investigation of the value part, Gao Hui found that the project management profession has value he valued. For example, he hopes to improve his comprehensive ability. This demand can be achieved through the profession of project management. —— This is also the root of why he has not left even though he has changed jobs three times.
Through the combing of the ability part, I found that Gao Hui’s current superior ability is still focused on the specific implementation level of affairs work, and related communication skills, interpersonal communication and other soft power need to be improved.
Through the analysis of traits, I found that Gao Hui is a kind of reliable and meticulous type. He likes to have rules to follow, he likes to control the work situation, but his work style is conservative, which leads to insufficient innovation and adaptability.
From the perspective of Gao Hui’s narrative style and state in the consultation, he is too serious, unsmiling, strong sense of responsibility, and so on.
The above-mentioned analysis seems to be detrimental to Gao Hui. Nevertheless, it does not mean that Gao Hui will not be able to do the job as a project manager. It is just that to do this job well, he needs major changes and breakthroughs.
Gao Hui is introverted and doesn’t like active communication and expression; at the same time, his characteristics always make him show a cold and unhuman side-this is a very unfavorable signal in interpersonal relationships.
In the consultation, I gave Gao Hui a lot of suggestions (most of the suggestions are for Gao Hui’s personal situation, to protect personal privacy, omitted); and at the level of interpersonal relations, I made 3 suggestions.
1. Start by writing a diary, and learn to talk to yourself with the true feelings of your heart
For Gao Hui, if you want to improve the obstacles in interpersonal communication and relationships, you must start with emotional communication and sorting out, and dialogue with yourself is a necessary homework.
2. Try to express appreciation and praise with people who are close to your girlfriend, family, etc.
You can start from sending a message, develop to face-to-face expression, and finally speak directly into the eyes of the other person. Slowly, make complimenting others an expression habit.
3. Many and emotional contacts
For Gao Hui, by interacting with emotional people, you can appreciate the difference between others and yourself, and then slowly learn to empathize, and so on.
I told Gao Hui that only if you really break through these obstacles and make real efforts, can your future career situation develop more positive changes, and your girlfriendThe relationship will gradually improve.
Later, Gao Hui told us that in the more than a year after the consultation, he spent a lot of effort to make breakthroughs and improvements. Now he has successfully moved to a good company and talked about marriage with his girlfriend. Up.
Remember the worst moment of the relationship between Zhong Xiaoqin and Chen Yu in “Thirty Only”?
When Zhong Xiaoqin’s child disappeared, there were major changes in Chen Yu’s job at that time. Zhong Xiaoqin had not yet begun to develop her hobbies–yes, as someone said, for ordinary people In other words, when we ourselves don’t know how to live a bad life, where do we have the mood to experience the feelings of the other half?
And the two people who are married often drift away like this.
As Zhong Xiaoqin said, marriage means I pull you when you are good, and I pull you when I am good. In fact, all the relationships in this world cannot be separated from each other. And more failed relationships are simply because everyone is consuming each other.
So far, I want to share with you a paragraph that I personally like very much——
Emotion is never an obligation. It is to give to each other. After 30 years old, you should learn to fulfill each other; and all of this is based on your own fulfillment.
Zhao Xiaoli, senior career planner, national psychologist, workplace writer, founder of Liyu career.