This article is from the official account:Doctor Ding Xiang (ID: DingXiangspanYiSheng) >, planning: Dingxiang Sishao Yang Dafeng, scientific review:Sun Yifei, Lecturer of Medical History, Hebei Medical University, Attending Physician of Anorectal Surgery, title picture from: Vision China
We all wipe our ass, we are all slaves to the ass.
In the long years, the ass domesticated humans and became the “masters” of humans.
the source of everything
A long, long time ago, on the vast East African steppe, a human ancestor was squatting in the grass.
He sensed a hint of will…
His brain quickly issued instructions to reach the rectum within 0.01 second. The rectal smooth muscle received the signal and began to contract, the intra-abdominal pressure increased, and Xiang was pushed out of the door.
Then, gently clamp the anal sphincter, click! Duan Xiang landed, very gorgeous.
After the incident, he didn’t wipe his butt and continued to run happily.
In the sunset, his butt is shining.
Suddenly, he felt a movement in his ass!
That is bile.
The bile remaining near the anus began to ravage his ass.
At first, it was itching, and then it got worse. It was very itchy, and it was also mixed with a hot burning pain, like 10,000 ants grabbing WeChat red envelopes in his butt, and he was dumbfounded.
The butt seemed to tell him: “Little scumbag, I’m not good, and you can’t be good!”
No one can stop the punishment of the ass. In the end, the ass determines the head.
As a last resort, humans began to seriously think about “wiping their butts” and tried various methods to be gentle on their butts.
This road is not smooth…
It’s even a little weird.
In the era of pioneering wasteland, everything can wipe butt
In early humans, the idea of wiping their buttocks was relatively simple. On the ground around the toilet, what to pick up and what to use…
For example, the trash that can be seen everywhere on the yellow land is the ancient Chinese fart-wiping weapon.
Experienced veterans can pick out the perfect soil at a glance, the size fits the groin, there is no obvious sharpness, the most important thing is to be strong enough, because the most feared is… The soil bursts, and the fingers pick up the shit.”
For thousands of years, the Chinese have liked Tukela very much. It is said that until the 1980s, the vast rural areas still picked up soil and rubbed their ass.
I seem to know the reason for “the land of China is fertile”…
In other parts of the world, people’s thinking is similar.
For example: people by the river pick up pebbles and wipe their butts, people on the beach pick up shells and wipe their butts, people in the mountains pick up moss and wipe their butts, and people in the city pick pottery and wipe their butts…
However, these methods have two fatal disadvantages:
First, the crime tool is too small, and the fingers tend to get shit.
An ancient Greek who wiped his butt carefully
Second, the tools of the crime are too hard and rough, and the ass is easily injured. If there is a hemorrhoid or something, it will be dead.
In order to take care of a good butt, mankind has started a new revolution.
In the era of sticks, you don’t have to worry about getting your hands dirty
The ancient Romans, without knowing where they were inspired, invented a stick-shaped fart wiper—the sponge stick.
Pai Daxing said it was good after reading it
It has a soft sponge on one end and a 30 cm stick on its torso, which looks like a large cotton swab.
Not only solved the problem of small criminal tools, but also very soft. The Romans are simply geniuses.
In terms of usage, the product manager in Ancient Rome also paid great attention to user experience and respected the privacy of the butt.
Public toilets in Rome generally have two openings up and down.
The opening on the top is used to pull the smelly smell.
The lower opening is used to wipe the butt with the sponge stick.
After all, no one wants to poke his butt with a stick in front of others.
Sounds perfect, doesn’t it?
Then you are so wrong.
At that time, although the sponge was not considered expensive, it was obviously too wasteful to throw it away if used once, so…
The ancient Romans decided to use the sponge stick repeatedly, and…
Of course, the Romans would dig a ditch in public toilets to wash sponge sticks.
I said it can be cleaned, do you believe it……
The Romans at that time must have often sighed like this: “The man in front, today…”
Compared with Roman ruthless people’s show operation, the ancient Chinese were much more conservative.
They wipe their buttocks with a bamboo product called toilet chips, and break a piece of it once to avoid “weekly shit.”
It’s a pity that the shortcomings are equally obvious, just hard!
What about Gua Sha?
Some other ethnic groups have wild ass rubbing.
For example, the French will grab a hemp rope with both hands and rub their buttocks back and forth, and Americans will rub their buttocks with dried corncobs, eh…it’s not comfortable to think about it. Where to go.
When you see this, you may ask: These wiping methods seem to be poor, how did the ancient handsome and rich wipe their butts?
Answer: In a way you can’t even think of…
Turning “sorrowful dung” into a power goose
The 16th-century French writer Rabelais, in his book “Biography of the Giant”, described the most noble, most perfect, and most convenient way to wipe buttocks: “The neck of a living goose.”