From the beginning, tell you whether a person is worth making friends.
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Editor’s note: In daily conversations, we can easily discover the personality traits of others through small details. If a person has the 7 behaviors listed in this article for a long time while talking, then he may not be suitable for being a friend. This article is translated from Medium, author Barry Davret, and the original title is 7 Conversational Habits That Reveal Someone’s True Character.
In life, when we talk to someone a few times, we can know a lot about him. For example, is a person disregarding others, insecure, competitive, self-centered, overly sensitive and stingy, etc.
If they have any of the above conditions, they will show some subtle signs when talking. As you get in touch with this person slowly, when you look back, you will think: “Oh, why didn’t I find it in the first place?”
1. Self-increase through the nominator
Name-dropping refers to mentioning the name of a big person to raise one’s worth. The self-inflicted person may or may not know the celebrities he mentioned. For example, that party was great. Elon Musk told a few jokes. I never knew he was so funny.
The conclusion we should come to is that this person attended that party and met Musk. But if you question them, they will deny that they have never said that they have met the celebrities mentioned.
People who talk about famous people in a familiar tone are not bad people, they are just annoying, and they are probably extremely insecure people. They tried to project their own image, but did not realize that their image was the image in the eyes of others, not the image they wanted to present.
2. They brag and don’t give you a chance to speak
For nearly ten years, a friend of mine has always boasted about his achievements, exaggerated so much that there is almost no trace of fact. He likes to be with me, because whenever he brags about how good he is, I will agree, but only to appease him. In the end, I got bored and he disappeared from my life. My only regret is that I have been cooperating with him to “act” for so many years.
Most adults understand that bragging about their achievements is offensive, so they restrain themselves.
3. They speak to win the “competition”
During my short and painful work on Wall Street, I met some bastards who treated every conversation as a competition. When they participate in the discussion, it is also to win the discussion.
Their tactics often take the form of prevailing. No matter your achievements are big or small, meaningful or meaningless, they will always fight back with more impressive terms.
When the upper hand didn’t work, they turned to probing questions, trying to capture my weakness in contradictions. They like to shake their fingers and point out small loopholes in logic, reasoning and even grammar. If it fails, the conversation will end with a casual insult.
4. They forgot your existence
Indifferent and selfish friends are very common in the real world.
They talk non-stop, get addicted to themselves, ignore everyone around them, addicted to long-term self-gaze. Sometimes, they will ask a question but don’t care about your answer. Their question must be rhetorical question, not really want my answer.
When you talk to such a person, you feel like an accessory. They treat you as an item that makes you look more perfect, but you will be discarded when you are no longer useful.
5. They say bad things about their friends behind their backs
Jim, Sarah and I are colleagues and close friends, but due to work arrangements, we rarely go out with the three of us. Every time I am with Kim, she always speaks ill of Sarah. In the beginning, I thought it was a natural competition between two friends, they are also the same agepeople.
A few months later, Sarah and I were dating, and she told me that Kim used to say bad things about me. I should have known. Those who speak ill of friends behind their backs will also speak ill of you when you are away.
As long as it is beneficial to them, the person who speaks badly will always speak badly about others, no matter who the person is.
6. They will shame you secretly
We may have all faced sarcasm or condescending comments from others. If it is between friends, then in a lighter case, such a subtle mockery can be understood as a joke.
But more commonly, this is a kind of hostility dressed in humor.
An attack of irony and arrogance is a kind of mean. I don’t know if the people who do this get happiness, or lack the ability to control their impulses, or both, but it doesn’t matter.
Building relationships and friendships with people who use this type of conversation will only make you a punching bag.
7. They want to embarrass you
When we went out for a run with a few people, we talked about pets. One person in the group started talking about her cat. To keep the conversation going, I asked her for the name and breed of her cat, and then I replied: “The name is so nice.”
Maybe my tone made her unhappy and misunderstood her. She was furious with me and spoke badly at each other. I feel sad about this, and other people in the group are also confused by her reaction.
It’s not just thin-skinned. They seem to want to embarrass you, disintegrate your image, and even to the point where you dare not speak in front of them.
No one can completely avoid making such mistakes in life, so don’t jump to conclusions. But if a friend has the above 7 behaviors for a long time, then you can consider whether to be friends with this person.
Translator: Jane
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