This article is from WeChat official account:Xinminshuo iHuman (ID: xinminshuo) , content excerpt from “lonely management”, author: Wang Hao a (writers, cultural workers, Taiwanese cultural tourism class documentary “Hulk roaming” host), head Figure from: ” Detective Contest Master” stills

I have joined some groups on social software. There are groups of relatives on both sides of my parents, high school classmates, college classmates, wine-drinking groups, chatting groups…Of course there are also work groups. There is nothing amazing about ethnic dialogues, which are exchanges of information to maintain relationships, exchange of ideas, and so on. In the past two years, there have been several old classmates of the same age. They have retired one after another. For a while, they always talk in groups frequently, long or short. The small articles they posted in groups similar to elders also inspired me. :

People walk in the world, it’s a emptiness; don’t care about everything, don’t give up. When it is advantageous, let people be; when it is reasonable, forgive people; when you can, don’t laugh at people! No matter how good fate is, it can’t stand perfunctory, and no matter how deep the relationship is, it needs to be cherished. Thinking too much makes it easy to worry; caring too much makes it easy to trouble; pursuing too much makes it easy to get tired.

Every paragraph that the old classmates send in the group is a mere word, but how do I feel that they all have signs of early age? The writers are getting old, those who agree with it, and those who send text messages are getting old. They are beginning to love these simple and concise sentences. I am very moved by their transmission. These thought-provoking short sentences were the wind in the ears when they were young; when they were middle-aged, these reminders were clouds in the sky. They looked up and looked bright and beautiful. They lowered their heads and asked them what the clouds looked like they had just seen, but the answer was that they didn’t remember. Why these famous sayings and small sentences seem to come from “Cai Gen Tan” by Hong Yingming of the Ming Dynasty(This book is listed as one of the “Three Wonders of Life”)< /span>, I didn’t have time to read it before. Even if I read it, I just think it’s good speaking and writing.

Let’s also take a look at some of the content in “Cai Gen Tan”:

On narrow paths, leave a step to walk with people; if the taste is strong, you can subtract three points for people to taste. Make friends with a three-point chivalry, and be a little suspicious. Worrying and diligence is a virtue, too bitterness is not suitable for comfort; turbulence is high wind, too dry is not good for people and things. Observe people with cold eyes, listen to words coldly, feel cold and think coldly.

There is also a checklist for the symptoms of early aging on the Internet. When you feel that you are in the early aging state, there are several items for daily inspection: Are there fewer invoices in convenience stores? Going out with a thermos bottle? Started admonishing friends to drink less? Drinking tea is becoming more and more particular, and eating is starting to become lighter? Your temperament has become docile, and you don’t lose your temper easily with others? Chatting with acquaintances began to chatter, the content is all related to health care? Start to feel that the country is picturesque and like to travel in groups? Post photos of the outing of the classmates on Facebook, and at the same time shout to the old classmates who did not attend: “Don’t be stubborn, care about, and save face! Have fun in time and live in the moment!” “There is not so much time!”

When I hear some life keywords that are related to being in the world and seem to see everything through, I feel that these words are so wise! Why didn’t you notice and be more vigilant when you were young? I think this is also one of the early-old phenomenon. Confucius has his own experience of the word “evolution”. He said that forty is not confused, fifty knows the destiny of fifty, sixty ears are compliant, seventy is what one desires… not confused, not deceived by foreign objects; knows destiny, understands the laws of nature; Ershun, that he can hear different opinions. In fact, if you want to truly understand the wisdom of life, you need to go through self-righteous isolation and obsession, begin to understand not to resist what comes, gradually understand the impermanence of life, and tolerate everything that happens in life.

However, when you applaud the case and rush to pass on these deeply touched rules of life to friends and juniors, you don’t care about the reaction of others after receiving it. The meaning behind this behavior is actually: “How can you be so smart? Don’t you know?” Even self-repentant: Why did I realize it at this time?

Efforts to own and happiness to lose are an interesting curve in life

Actually, there are so many things that people have to regret throughout their lives. You can clarify the different stages of life: not confused, knowing the destiny, obeying the ears, and following the desires of the heart. Understand that this is the “evolutionary equation of the state of mind”, and the outlook on life will follow Theme songs of different ages, dance to the beat in sequence, and then you can live your life freely.

However, some cognitive neuroscience scholars have the answer to these unconscious behaviors that if they have lost something and hope to make up for it: Evolution makes the human brain dislike the feeling of “lost”. I don’t like losing youth, health, happiness, and of course I don’t like losing money. In other words, the psychological imbalance caused by “deprivation” is very subtle. Business management courses have repeatedly discussed a truth: you give a person a salary increase of one or two thousand, and his happiness is far less than the anger of a salary cut of one or two thousand. This oneIt is the severity of the loss.

Cognitive neuroscience scholars also said that there is a subtle crossover between “have” and “have never had”. When you are young, you will have a desire for things you haven’t owned, which is the driving force for human progress. If you are too young, you will only have hormones and dreams. In the middle age, you will work hard to earn the most possessions, but when you are old, you will increase your wisdom and experience, but you will also share, gift, or collect the wealth you have gained through your hard work. Disperse them in the name of love. Taking Warren Buffett as an example, it may be possible to understand it clearly-this interesting curve.

When Buffett was in middle school, in addition to using his spare time as a newsboy, he also rented out pinball game machines to the barber shop owner with his partners to earn extra money. His wife recalled an interesting story when he was young: “Most children drink soda pouring from the machine contentedly, but they never think about it. Only Buffett picked up the bottle cap that was discarded by people next to the soda machine. Divide them into categories and count the number of caps to see which brand of soda sells quickly.”

He not only has a unique philosophy on investment and financial management, but also the language of life is full of wisdom. Someone sorted out the career advice he gave to young people and saw that it was his own experience when he was young: “Never give up looking You really have a passion for work, make friends with the people you love, and do what you like to do. “Carefully choose a learning model. You can see your future development from the learning object you choose. Only by making friends with people who are better than you can you develop in a better direction.

The legendary stock god said with self-effacement: “I am very rational. Many people have higher IQs than me, and many people also work longer hours and work harder than me, but I do things more rationally. You must be able to control yourself, Don’t let emotions dictate your sanity.” He also said: “For so many years, my job is to read. I read the annual reports of the companies I follow, and I also read the annual reports of its competitors. These are my main things. Reading materials.” This elder has been working hard in the workplace for more than sixty years.

In the 2008 Forbes Rich List, his wealth surpassed Bill Gates and became the world’s richest man. Reuters reported in July 2017 that the 86-year-old Buffett has donated US$275.4 billion since 2006, of which approximately US$21.9 billion has been donated to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. According to the rankings of Forbes magazine, Buffett’s wealth still ranks fourth in the world after donating large sums of money. Possession requires wisdom and perseverance, while loss requires courage and love.

Years fly with wealth. In 2017, the 87-year-old Buffett said: “Time is the friend of wonderful careers, but the enemy of mediocre ones.” Time is indeed the most fair for people.Flat things, everyone has 24 hours a day. It is easy for people to understand what Mark Twain said “the golden age is in front of us, not behind us”, that is the cherishment and optimism of time. However, when aware of the rapid changes in the world, they deeply feel that “the dead are like a husband, and they will not give up day and night.” Most people can’t help but feel more anxious about the remaining life and less sense of security in a pragmatic way. At a press conference, the reporter asked Buffett how he hoped that future generations would remember him? Buffett replied: “Well, I want the pastor to say, ‘oh my god! He’s so old!’” The open-mindedness and humor of life and death probably have some enlightenment for those who are often concerned about losing.

As for the philosophical question of “possession and loss”, the answer looks different after everyone starts to realize that he is old. They continued to repost other people’s “really well-written” text on the Internet. In addition to sharing the reposted text with “I never owned it, now I understand it,” they also added “Youth is gone, but unfortunately I didn’t understand it at the time.” Regret.

What’s more cruel is that they have realized that the most regrettable thing in life is never failure, but that I could have been. Time is really the fairest thing. The state of people being unemployed or retired is like a receding tide. In the end, whoever doesn’t wear pants will know at a glance.

Loneliness, being shrouded in melancholy for a long time, is an uncomfortable feeling

At first, the old man had knocked on the door, and the loneliness also came silently. I describe the hidden loneliness like this: say happy, no! Speaking of unhappiness, I will still be happy occasionally. It’s just a long-term melancholy, which is an uncomfortable feeling, but it’s not depressed. Things of interest are gradually reduced, replaced by inexplicable worry, more nostalgia for the youth, and worry about the loneliness of old age. Simply put, a touch of sorrow, sometimes caught off guard, has a new attitude towards adversity, choice, reconciliation and death.

Modern social network communication methods have almost replaced telephone functions. People cleverly hide behind 3C screens to avoid social activities that involve embarrassing meetings and unnecessary conversations, and sometimes even send out an emoticon pack perfunctorily to save it. Text back and forth. Therefore, hidden loneliness began to breed in places where the sun could not shine. People of all ages are likely to encounter latent loneliness, and the proportion should be the highest in the early stages of life.

From hidden loneliness to true loneliness, people seem to stand at the end of the tug-of-war, where they will lose.

If you want to examine the degree of loneliness and loneliness, you can ask yourself whether you are alone to eat barbecue, go to KTV, go to bowling, go to the beach, go to the zoo, go to the aquarium, go to the amusement park…Is it alone?How to live alone, or join in the fun? These situations are extreme.

However, we can understand that the more people need the company of their friends in these places, the more they can reflect their loneliness.

Psychologist Casiopp suggested that if you want to say goodbye to loneliness, you should not rush to find the most important person in your life immediately, but should try slowly step by step. When you have realized that you are in latent loneliness, don’t worry, don’t panic, it is like a revolving door, align the direction, push it, and you can easily go out.

This article is from WeChat official account:Xinminshuo iHuman (ID: xinminshuo) , author: Wang Hao a (writers, cultural workers, Taiwanese cultural tourism class documentary “Hulk roaming” host)