This article is from WeChat official account:Simple psychology (ID: janelee1231)< span class = "text-remarks">, author: Liu Yue consultants, title figure from the visual China

Ms. Liu Yue, who was invited today, has a lot of observations and reflections on the mental health of workplace people mentioned in the “Report” based on counseling scenarios. She believes that most workplace issues are not just workplace issues, but are related to deeper emotions, life development and other issues.

If you are also plagued by anxiety, confusion, and low value in the workplace, today’s article may bring you some new thinking.

The “workplace people” between 20+ and 30+ can be said to be my main work objects. Most of them are practitioners in the Internet, media/culture, finance and other industries, among which the major Internet companies are the main players. The other is the group of international students who have returned to China due to the epidemic. Although they have not gone deep into the workplace, they have already had some internship experience at home and abroad, are facing career choices and plans, and are about to enter the workplace.

I found that the professionals who came to me for advice on career-related issues have two main problems that bother them:

No direction found;

No enthusiasm is found.

Failure to find a direction is what we often call “confusion.” According to the simple psychology “2020 Public Mental Health Insight Report”, the most troublesome problem for workplace people is: confusion about future career development, accounting for 54.46%.

You can’t find enthusiasm, which is “burnout.” In the “2020 Public Mental Health Insight Report”, nearly 60% of the respondents said that they are experiencing varying degrees of burnout.

People who are in the problem, the first reaction is of course to solve the problem, that is, to find a clear direction and find enthusiasm. But according to my consulting experience, many workplace problems are not workplace problems, but life issues. To solve them, it is not enough to start with the workplace alone. It requires deeper digging-this is often a person’s self-growth. Opportunity.

I don’t know what I want, what should I do?

Workplace people who come to me for advice on career-related issues can be roughly divided into two categories:

No direction, no enthusiasm: I don’t like my current job, and I don’t know what I should do.

There is direction, no enthusiasm: I know what I want to do, and I have accumulated some accumulation in the fields I like and are good at, but I still can’t feel the joy of work.

Let’s talk about the first category first. I also found out after working as a consultant that many of us in China didn’t know what they wanted to do when they were in their twenties and thirties, and they never even thought about this issue when they were growing up.

Not long ago, a friend complained to me about being confused about work development. She came from when I was studying in AustraliaHigh school and university classmates. I remember choosing a university major at the time. She knew that I wanted to study psychology and said that she was also very interested, but her mother asked her to study accounting because she could help her arrange a job after she graduated.(Her mother is in the financial industry).

The agent who helped submit the application at the time also suggested not to study psychology, because that means that it may be the only Asian student in the entire faculty. (in At that time, it was still a very unpopular major for Chinese students), the pressure would be greater.

Picture/”Gorgeous Office Workers”

My friend finally followed her mother’s advice and studied accounting. When he was in graduate school, he once again followed her mother’s advice and studied economics. Her mother did arrange work for her in an accounting firm and a securities company. But every time she complains to me about work troubles, I can feel that work is a kind of torture for her, and every day she needs to work is painful. But she didn’t know what she wanted to do and what she could do if she didn’t do her current job. This problem was evaded at an age when she needed to think about it.

This friend was covered by the choice of his parents before he had the opportunity to try his own preferences. This is also a common experience for many Chinese children( Even the visiting group of my international students is very influenced by the wishes of my parents): There are not many opportunities and space to explore my own preferences in the process of growing up. I have never thought about what I will do in the future. What kind of life to live. These young people are passively thrown into the workplace and have no sense of autonomy in career planning or working methods.

There are still some visitors whose career aspirations are relatively clear, but they may be forced by external pressure.I dared to try, so that I chose the “hot profession” and “good job” in the external standards. For example, when L works within the system, facing the “good job” in the eyes of his parents, boyfriends, and colleagues, and the career aspirations that he can’t let go of, it is difficult to make the decision to give up his current job and pursue his own career again. desire.

The confusion of not being able to find a career direction may be related to some life issues that have not been successfully resolved in the past.

The psychologist Ericson divides the formation and development of human self-awareness into eight stages. In his opinion, people will encounter a specific conflict at different stages of their lives. If it can be resolved smoothly, The individual’s abilities will be expanded and smoothly enter the next stage; and if not, this problem will continue to interfere with him in the future, embodied in all aspects of career and intimacy.

Specifically, 1~3 years old is considered to be the first resistance period for children, because at this time children begin to crawl, walk, talk, etc., begin to have a sense of autonomy, and want to stick to their own eating style and excretion the way. If in this period of autonomy development, parents are too control and strict, it will hurt the children’s sense of autonomy, making them suspicious and shy towards themselves. People who have difficulties in this area are likely to not say “no” in the workplace, and are unlikely to “will” decide what to do or not to do.

4~7 years old, when parents face children’s active exploration of the outside world is an encouraging attitude, they will lay the foundation for the development of initiative, responsibility, and creativity; but if parents face children, they are naive When the imagination and originality of the children are ridiculed and negative, it is easy to dampen children’s self-confidence. When such children grow up, they may not have the confidence to establish their own life direction, do not feel that they can rely on themselves to create a good life, and are more inclined to live in a life arranged for them by others.

Many career dilemmas may be related to psychological development conflicts that have not been successfully overcome before. In the consultation, I will help these professionals find the stage of development where they are stuck, help them return to the conflict that has not been resolved smoothly, and then go back and understand their current predicament.

Knowing the true symptomAfter the conclusion, go to cultivate and develop these mental abilities, so as to change the current situation.

I know what I want, but I just can’t lift my energy, what should I do?

There is another type of visitors who are “directed but not enthusiastic.” I have received a few very clever visitors (all examples in the article have been obscured, please do not check in), their growth path is also Quite similar: I have performed well in school since I was a child. I went to a top school in China without much effort, went to study abroad, and then returned to the country to find a job.

Different from the previous confused workplace people, this kind of visitors have already laid some foundations in the fields they like and are good at, and have some achievements, but they also find it difficult to have fun at work.

Picture/”Leisure in Calm and Waves”

A has worked for many years, has a good financial foundation, a smooth career path, and a good job performance. The boss and colleagues like him very much. The reason for coming to seek consultation is that although TA feels that his job is okay, but in many cases there is a feeling of “coping” without in-depth thinking. This has caused a lot of work to be “new” to her, and she needs to continue to deal with each new job. The loss of time and energy is on the one hand, and more importantly, she feels that she lacks vitality and lacks in-depth work. Passion for exploration.

In the consultation, we found that this kind of difficulty has always existed in the school process: I know how to get the problem right, but I don’t think I really figured it out. TA’s performance is very good, and it also made teachers, parents, and TA himself acquiesce that everything is okay, ignoring the confusion that he has already felt. Good grades, good students, cover up problems and difficulties, and hinder the TA from developing deeper thinking, connection, and feeling abilities. One of TAThe main request for consultation is to find a passion for what we are doing.

B, who is about to complete his studies in the United States, also troubles him with similar problems: Although TA is certain about the major he is studying and the career field he will be engaged in, he feels that his career path can be seen at a glance: graduation and entering Silicon Valley become Engineers, or return to China to enter the Internet giant to become a programmer. Similarly, TA also feels that something similar to passion is missing.

Such a situation is not uncommon among younger generations with excellent educational backgrounds. I found that there is a certain commonality behind these problems: their rational functions are all developed very well, but they are not good at and do not like to talk about themselves. Feeling so much that there is a break with one’s inner feelings.

Picture/”We Who Can’t Become Beasts”

During the consultation, they didn’t understand at the beginning, why they should talk about feeling this “emptiness”. In their efficient, rational, and orderly world, feelings are insignificant.

At this time, I will tell them that their request for consultation is not on a rational level. The “passion” they want to find, or curiosity, desire for exploration, and enthusiasm, are all on the emotional level. The problems we face cannot be solved rationally.

From the perspective of psychodynamics, emotional maturity and intellectual maturity are two things: a person may have a good level of intelligence, mental function development, or even very advanced, but due to the failure of the environment in the early years, the internal Emotion stays in the relatively primitive state in the early stage, and has not matured.

A and B’s mental level is very high, but their emotions are a blind spot for them. They can’t recognize and understand their own state, and they don’t even know that they can’t get out of bed or get out. , Depression, thought to be tired.

In my work with them, I will continue to assist them to consciously pay attention to their innerEmotions and emotions help them identify and name their inner experience.

For a small example, some people cry unconsciously, not as if they are crying, but they don’t know why they cry. When encountering this situation during the consultation, I will stop and let the visitor feel the inner experience at this moment. What is it like at this moment? Did something just happen to trigger this feeling?

At first they couldn’t tell how they felt. They didn’t know what they felt. I would try to name them, such as asking, “Do you feel a little wronged?” Slowly, they found that they were “unconsciously crying” In fact, it is a reaction to an emotional state. At the beginning, I will consciously pay attention to and perceive my state.

Establishing a connection with inner feelings is something that needs to be taken slowly. Usually at the beginning, they will realize that they have been depressed for a long time and lack vitality, and they will experience a feeling of “empty” inside. ; And as the consultation progresses, they will begin to feel more, such as beginning to discover some small beauty in life; they will find that they have less procrastination and more investment in work.

Picture/”We Who Can’t Become Beasts”

If you are reading this article and have similar problems, but for various reasons, you still can’t come to consult for help. I suggest you do some small exercises, such as yoga, meditation, body scanning, etc., to help you get started Pay attention to your body’s feelings and relate to your body. In life, you can also start to consciously pay attention to your own emotional feelings, try to ask yourself “how do I feel now” and “how do I feel at this moment”, and you can also communicate more with friends about each other’s feelings. status.

Only when we are more and more linked to our inner feelings, we will realize that besides rationality, our body and emotions are also very important. It will tell you in a very direct way what is important. How can you be happy. The integration of emotion and reason can make us not only live in our heads(mind) an excellent workplace person, or a happy workplace person living in the body (body) .

Finally, I repeat the point I mentioned at the beginning: Most workplace issues are not just workplace issues, but deeper issues. Before solving the problem, the first thing we have to do is to see through the appearance what the real problem is.

Such “useless work” is precisely the most efficient key to solving the confusion and burnout in the workplace.

This article is from WeChat official account:Simple psychology (ID: janelee1231)< span class = "text-remarks">, author: Liu month consultant