Cognition changes everything.

Editor’s note: This article from the micro-channel public number “Mr. said L” (ID: lxianshengmiao) , author Lachel.

I often receive help from readers.

Their problems are often like this:

  • I feel that I lack self-confidence. How can I develop self-confidence?

  • I feel socially disabled, how can I get along better with others?

  • I feel that I am too sensitive. Anyone else’s casual words, I will be in my heart, very annoyed, what should I do?

……

In fact, many people have overlooked a bit.

Many questions don’t stem from the problem itself, but from the perspective and way you think about them.

As my last article Your knowledge base, it’s time to update for example:

When you think of a “native family” as a shackle and “oppression,” you will “construct” your life into a confrontation. This kind of construction will in turn affect your way of thinking, and let you further feel that you are being oppressed.

In a nutshell: It’s the act of placing yourself in the “victim” position that makes you a victim.

In turn, if you accept all the factors that make me the reason for me, treat everything in the past equally, and shift the perspective from “past” to “future”, then there is nothing, can Really “oppress” you.

Not just native families, inferiority, intimacy, social fear, stress anxiety… Many questions are actually the same.

Where do they come from? From your heart. It’s your cognition that makes itTheir birth.

Again, where is the key to solving the problem?

Also in your heart.

External guidance, assistance, and various methods are actually just to help you, so that you can better see your heart and find the “key” to solve the answer.

Many friends may find it difficult to accept this. They will think that these problems do exist and cause a lot of trouble for me. How could it be “I made it myself?” How could it be so easily solved?

But actually, as I said: When you realize where the problem is, you have already solved it halfway.

If you don’t believe it, let’s look at an example.

When we say “I lack self-confidence,” what do we want to express?

Obviously, what we want to say is: I feel that I have the ability to achieve my goals, but my ability is not enough to “ensure” that I achieve my goal. Its success rate is only 50%, 60%, and in less than 100%. So, I am not sure if I can succeed – right?

But if we change our minds? Since you already know that you are “capable”, can this be called “lack of self-confidence”?

For example, how likely do you think you can achieve these two goals:

1) In six months, learn Python in your spare time and do an office automation program.

2) Resign now, start a company, and strive to achieve a total income of 100 million in three years.

The first goal, your response may be “a bit difficult, you can try, not necessarily successful”; and the second goal, many people’s reaction may be to shout “How is this possible!”

So, in both cases, which one is truly “lack of self-confidence”? Obviously, it should be the second.

The real “lack of self-confidence” is that you “do not have the right abilities” and “can’t do it” and don’t doubt it at all. This is the lack of confidence.

And when you know clearly that you are capable, but this ability is not enough for you to confirm 100%, are you “lack of self-confidence”?

No.

You are just afraid of this uncertainty.

Again, other issues are similar.

Real social barriers: No one will like me.

False social barriers: I sometimes perform very well, sometimes not well. When I don’t perform well, it makes others dislike me, so I have to work hard to perform well.

True inferiority: I can’t do anything well.

False inferiority: I may succeed or fail. If I fail, it means that I lack ability, so I can’t fail, I must succeed, ah, the pressure is great..

Really sensitive: I really got ugly again, and now I can’t lift my head in front of them.

False sensitivity: I know that others may not care, or even forget it at all, but I just can’t forget it. I always feel embarrassed. What should I do?

Similar.

These content, at first glance, is like a word game, but what do I want to tell you?

The real problem, often rooted in the heart of the client, is deeply rooted and has become part of their cognitive approach and thinking framework. They are completely unaware of it, and there is no way to get rid of it.

So, we will say, what is the most difficult to change? Those who firmly believe that they are “nothing wrong”, “no disease” and “no problem.”

Like those who firmly believe that “I am good for you”; those who firmly believe that “you should be hard-working”; those who “do you know, listen to me”…

And once you are aware, it means that the “framework” has been “loose”.

You have completed the most difficult step from “unknown” to “known” – the other, but just adjust the cognition and change slowly. Compared with this step, it is not difficult at all.

This is the power of cognition.

You must remember me The so-called willpower, perhaps does not exist at all, “self-loss.” Psychologist Roy Baumeister proposed the theory of “self-loss” in the early 21st century, thinking that willpower is a resource that can be consumed, recovered, or improved through exercise. But in recent years, repetitive experiments have basically falsified this theory – this is what I said before.

There is a very interesting thing inside:

Psychologist Carol Dweck did a series of experiments and found that in some cases, there is indeed self-depletion phenomenon – after the participants complete the self-control task, their “willpower resources” are reduced, attention , agility, etc. have all declined, and recovered after the break.

So, under what circumstances will this happen? The answer is: when the participants firmly believe in “self-loss”.

This means that when people firmly believe that “willpower is a resource, consume a little bit, and need to recover when it is used up,” they will show the same as they believe.

And when the researchers told them that “this theory has been proven to be wrong,” this phenomenon disappeared.

The same group of people, after accepting this new point of view, did the same test. As a result, the phenomenon of self-loss disappeared, the attention and agility of the participants returned to normal levels, and no one claimed that My willpower needs to be restored.”

In view of this, Carol thinks: What capabilities and obstacles and problems we can play, most of the time? Your own attitudes and perceptions of yourself.

You may not be familiar enough with Carol Dweck, but one of her theories you must have heard of – a fixed mindset and a growing mindset.

When you think that your abilities are fixed and you are not doing well, you can prove that you can’t do it yourself, and you will not be able to progress anymore.

In turn, when you think that ability can grow, every time you setbacks and failures, when you gain experience for the future, your ability and performance will increase step by step.

This is Carol’s inner drive belief: What kind of people we are depends largely on how we see ourselves and what we believe.

Although there is a lot of controversy about the growth mentality theory, it is still a very useful theory:

It will prompt you to shift your gaze from the outside to the inside, telling you that there is nothing but yourself that binds you.

Speak back to the previous article.

As mentioned earlier, most of the time, you are not “lack of self-confidence”, but just afraid of what? Uncertainty.

In fact, this is the root of many problems.

The brain is not good at dealing with uncertain things. Therefore, in the face of uncertainty, in order to avoid “downtime,” the brain will take shortcuts, adjust our perception, and “tag” us.

Many of the cognitive biases and fallacies we often commit, in fact, begin with the escape of uncertainty.

For example, the most common ones are:

  • Non-black is white: “Which side do you stand on?” “This is a friendly army, don’t shoot.”

    • < /ul>

    Why must we discuss the issue of discussion as “the confrontation between the two militaries”? Why can’t we tolerate neutral existence? It’s just because the brain can only understand the simple “yes or no” and it is difficult to deal with more complicated bureaus.Nothing.

    So, you will see that in many debates, what do you actually see? Station team. Too much to pursue the idea of ​​”the hacker” is usually not popular. Is it because the hacker is not good? No, just because it is too difficult for many people to understand.

    • To all: “Is it possible for Sichuanese to eat spicy?” “I am just bad luck”

      • < /ul>

      What does it mean to be partial? Extract a part of the whole as a judgment and cognition of the whole. The reason for this is also simple: the brain is difficult to deal with “multiple factors”, so only one of the factors can be amplified to simplify the cognitive cost of uncertainty.

      It will lead to stereotypes most of the time. This is a convenient shortcut to thinking, but if we only rely on stereotypes, we will never have a real understanding of the outside world.

      • Psychological filtering: “I have said that I can’t do it.” “I already knew it would fail”

        • Psychological filtering refers to: extracting a part from an existing fact or concept to support one’s own beliefs – often negative beliefs. Driven by this kind of thinking, we will create a sieve in the brain, allowing only those thoughts that “conform to the false beliefs”.

        Over time, it will strengthen our concept and form a vicious circle.

        Why is this happening? The reason is that the brain is afraid of loss and the brain is averse to loss. Therefore, it needs to tell itself that “this part of the loss is predictable”, that is, forcing the uncertainty into certainty and “strengthening” its own ability to resist risks— — Even though that is just a delusion.

        • Conditional thinking: “I have to complete the task before 5 o’clock” “I have to do this, otherwise it will cause a big disaster”

        Conditional thinking is a burden. It is the natural enemy of “autonomy”, it will bind us in the footsteps, let us follow the instructions of the outside world.

        The reason is not complicated: we are not willing to bear the consequences and risks of “self-selection”. Therefore, we turn our choices into “conditional restrictions” and change ourselves from “I have to do” to “I have to do it”. To clarify their responsibilities.

        ……

        There are many similar cognitive biases, not listed one by one. As you can see, basically, it comes from the brain’s fear of uncertainty and the thinking of “want to take shortcuts.”

        It is this kind of thinking that leaves us in a misunderstanding and lies in negative thoughts and beliefs.

        So, how?Change this situation?

        The key point is to rebuild our perception.

        The first step is to tear off the label on your body, whether it is posted by someone else or by yourself.

        We always like to classify ourselves, like to follow a certain pattern to live and work, and to be afraid of becoming a “heterogeneous”. But it is precisely this pattern of behavior that binds us and puts us in the limits and limitations of the category.

        In short:

        Who do you think you are, you will live in this way and become such a person.

        This is a negative system loop.

        How to break this loop? Please tear off your label – throw away the cognition of “what kind of person I am.” Let yourself “zero”.

        What is it replaced?

        I will advise you to use this “BHDW model” to help you plan and think:

        • Be: What kind of person do I want to be?

        • Have: What do I need to achieve in order to be such a person?

        • Do: What action do I need to take to achieve this goal?

        • under What: What principles do I need to follow in this process? What kind of standards are set?

        This is the model I use often. It can help you to focus on what is really useful and avoid drawing the ground.

        Change your own perceptions, come out from the idea of ​​”How can you get out of the woods” and “How can you change the status quo?” Focus your attention on the possibilities and think about “What can I do?” “I can win.” What?” This is a more positive and effective way of thinking.

        Finally, briefly introduce a few tips and hope to be useful to you.

        1. Possibility area

        In most cases, in the face of an uncertain future, what we often see is the most extreme. We will imagine the worst consequences, indulging in anxiety and stress, asking ourselves over and over again:

        What if it happens?

        This is called catastrophic thinking. It is an ability in the evolution of human beings to deal with environmental risks. But in modern society, what it brings to us is more stressless.

        How to deal with it? Ask yourself these three questions:

        • ThingsWhat is the worst result?

        • What is the best result of the matter?

        • What is the most likely outcome of the matter?

        These three questions are not determined by the head of the air, but need to collect information, carefully judge, and consider many possibilities. This process is actually a process of calming down and slowly adjusting the cognition.

        As long as you find that things are “not the only bad side,” you can reduce your stress very effectively.

        2. Redefine

        This technique can be used in conjunction with the above “Reconstruction Cognition”.

        For example: “I am a strange person, so no one will like me.”

        So, ask yourself first: What is “characteristic”? What is its definition?

        Then, list the evidence that you think you are “eccentric” and write it out.

        You may find that you feel very strange, but when you write it out, it seems, like, probably… in fact, not so much?

        Next, ask yourself for each piece of evidence you listed: Does it have any other explanation? How will others see it?

        Finally, return to the definition of “eccentricity” and ask yourself: After so many steps, how much do you still think that you are “eccentric”?

        After the above process, I think, you will be able to have a new understanding of yourself.

        3. Devil defender

        This is a method I use very often.

        What do you mean? In short: even if you feel that your opinion is “quite right,” you may try to stand on the opposite side and defend the opposing views.

        Try to collect the corresponding evidence, list the logical support and arguments, and even suggest the possibility of arrogance, to find ways to strengthen the opposing views and weaken your original position.

        This is both a kind of thinking exercise, and it can help you to take a bird’s eye view of the whole situation from a higher level, so that you can understand yourself more objectively and rationally.

        4. Redirect

        This is a very simple technique: replace “I should” “I must” with “I can” and “I can.”

        Does it look simple and has no technical content? But even this step of understatement can effectively help you loosen and reactivate your perception of control and autonomy.

        Example:

        “There is no time, I have to finish it today” →

        “I can finish it today.”

        “Today is busy again, a lot of things are waiting for me to do it” →

        “I have enough time to do the most important things,Let me see what I can do.”

        “I have no choice but to do this” →

        “This is my choice, I decided to do this.”

        Let’s practice this way slowly, until you get used to it. You will find that many “no way” that you originally thought was actually just deceiving yourself.

        When you can face “all is my choice”,

        A lot of problems will be solved.

        Changing cognition is a relatively long process, cheering together.