People tend to have negative beliefs when they talk to themselves.
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Editor’s note: Whether you realize it or not, we will have a crazy exchange with ourselves and drown ourselves with ourselves. But unfortunately, this kind of self-talking has a negative tendency in most of the time, and ultimately makes us a heavy burden. So we still have to find a way to think about the problem from another angle, and let ourselves get out of the negative mud as soon as possible. This article is translated from medium, article author Jake Daghe, original title 10 Questions You shoulder Never Ask Yourself Again.
Image source: Emily Morter on Unsplash
Although we are always alive, but at least one thing about you is absolutely certain.
This does not refer to your career, not to your dreams, not to your favorite food, not to where you are from.
This is more private than the above.
Curious is right, I don’t sell any more, I know who is the one who talks to you the most.
It’s your own.
Scientific American’s recent statistics show that people talk about 60% of their time talking to others.
This ratio is as high as 80% when communicating on social media platforms.
We not only talk to ourselves constantly, but we also talk to ourselves about ourselves – this is the so-called self-talk.
Psychology Today published an article analyzing the phenomenon of self-speaking, which wrote:
The self-talking of our communication with ourselves not only combines conscious thoughts, unconscious beliefs, and even various prejudices. This is an effective way for the brain to interpret and process everyday experiences.
But the issues described next have to be taken seriously:
People tend to have negative beliefs when they talk to themselves.
We not only tend to pass on negative beliefs to ourselves, but because we are talking to ourselves, we can say more than we do in normal conversations with others.
The Atlantic recently shared an article that highlighted this phenomenon. Using the research of Charles Fernyhough, a professor at Durham University in the United Kingdom, author Julie Beck pointed out:
We are not bound by verbal habits when we talk to ourselves. First of all, when we don’t need to follow the tongue and lips, we can express it faster. Researchers say that when people communicate with themselves, the average speed of speech is 4,000 words per minute – 10 times faster than that. Self-talk is usually more succinct – because we don’t have to use complete sentences to understand ourselves, after all, we know what we want to say.
This kind of old talk has a negative color, and the self-speaking language makes our spirit face a great test, because we will constantly ask ourselves similar questions, so we still have to find a way to think about the problem and let ourselves Get out of the negative mud as soon as possible.
What if I fail?
Failure is not only possible but also inevitable. Nothing in the world is perfect. But that doesn’t mean you have to accept failures in its entirety and bear the consequences of failure. The question “What if I fail?” should not be in our minds.
This problem often stems from fear. When we ask ourselves enough questions about this question, it will paralyze our way of life and thinking.
Let’s ask yourself what happens if you fail, we might as well ask ourselves “Why don’t you try it at least?”
I want to know if she/he likes me?
We spent a lot of time wondering if someone likes us. It is natural to seek love from people around us, whether from our family, friends, or colleagues. When we started asking ourselves this question, it showed that we had a feeling of insecurity and comparison.
Right to ask yourself if others like us, we might as well ask ourselves “What can I do today to let this person know that I love him/her?”
Is it not supposed to be like this?
There are about hundreds of variants of this problem that hover in our minds. We always ask ourselves to make such efforts based on our past mistakes or experiences. Or because I have been hurt so much that people don’t want to see me anymore, don’t want to spend time and money on me?
These are actually your speculations, and they are not based on facts.
You should always try.
Don’t think about the future with past mistakes.
Should I take care of myself?
Our answer to this question is not so certain, but it is just impossible to circumvent it – whether we should exercise, eat healthy or invest in the future.
Did you notice that making decisions that we know will ultimately benefit us will always require some hard work in our hearts?
So, I think it’s best not to try to convince yourself to “should” take care of yourself, but to ask yourself “How do I take care of myself today?”
Am I smart enough?
To be honest, I often ask myself this question.
Our culture places a high priority on intelligence, and you certainly can’t forget the variety of tests that test how smart people are.
But if you are always worried that you are not smart enough, you are likely to fall into embarrassment and uneasiness – feel conceited about what you already know and feel uneasy about what you don’t know.
So, instead of questioning our intelligence, it is better to be grateful for what we know.
Should life be so difficult?
This question is difficult to answer because everyone encounters different difficulties at each stage. Simply and rudely letting you “don’t ask this question” does not solve these difficulties.
The reason I put this question on this list is that, in general, life is really difficult. There is always a difference between people. Direct comparison is a bit biased, but in general, life is not easy to be born.
If we can keep this fact in mind and accept this fact, maybe we can change it a bit and learn how to survive or thrive in difficulties.
I am better than ordinary people?
When I compare myself with the people around me, it is easy to feel that I have not reached the standard of ordinary people, and then I can’t help but tell myself “I am very ordinary” over and over again, “I may always be an ordinary person.” But this is not true to you for me.
You are destined to be mediocre from birth.
You are unique, you are the only one who can influence the world with your own voice. This makes you different and remembers.
Is it too late to try now?
In the case of a large logarithm, you may think that the answer is no.
But actually, it’s not too late to try.
There are very few things in life that you can control completely, but you can definitely control how much effort you are willing to pay.
For some reason, our brain is caught in a trap of thinking, that is, we feelIt’s too late to delay, and it’s even better not to try.
So, instead of asking, “Is it too late to try now?”, ask yourself “How can I be effective?”
Can I get out?
Before I said, life is tough. Of course, some days, some weeks, or even longer periods, you feel that they will never end. We started asking ourselves the question – “Can I get out of XXX?”
The answer is yes.
You can of course, you can not only come out, but you will continue to move forward. But that doesn’t mean it will be easier, but you will continue to move forward. You have enough power to take the next step. Ask yourself a new question, “Where do I want to go in the future?”
What will happen tomorrow?
Finally, our questions about the future may be more common in our minds than any other issue. We want to do as much as we can to influence tomorrow, but in reality, everything we do has little effect.
Don’t waste your time today and tell yourself to worry about tomorrow.
Tomorrow will come. It is okay to plan for the future, and it will be avoided for the future. Don’t always live in the anxiety of tomorrow. Things will solve on their own.
Science tells us that in our lives, we talk to ourselves more often than anyone else.
If you can control your own self-talk, if the wrong question will undermine your vision and let you miss the opportunity to realize your ideal life, then make sure you ask yourself the right questions.
Translator: Xi Tang