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Article from WeChat public account:See the ideal (ID: ikanlixiang), author: roundtable faction, title figure from:” Round Table faction “

Some people say that it is now obvious that people are turning into one island after another from the material and spiritual levels.

Don’t say anything else, everyone’s demand for “self-space” is indeed increasing day by day. Having a “room that belongs to you” has become a pursuit of freedom for many people;

More and more people have long been accustomed to eating alone, watching movies alone, traveling alone… Even cohabitation with others is no longer a sweet and sweet imagination, but a kind of accommodation or grievance.

So, is living alone the ultimate form of future society? Why do we take the initiative to choose loneliness?

When urban services gradually replaced the functions of family and partners, cohabitation is no longer to meet the needs of mutual care. Why do humans choose to live together at this time?

Maybe this is because of true love.

1. Modern people living in different places

Dou Wentao: I have seen recent surveys showing that most of the marriage and family already have the desire and need for everyone to live in a single room. That is to say, although it is a husband and wife, if there are conditions, I also hope that I have a room with my spouse.

Look, you are beginning to worry about human beings. The human dwelling pattern has changed from the earliest animal-like group to the family, the clan, the family of three, the Dink family, and now, the countries of Norway and Sweden have More than half of them live alone, and living alone in the United States also accounts for a considerable proportion. Does this reflect the trend of human evolution?

Liang Wendao: I don’t know, I really don’t know, but reverseIn fact, there are actually many solitary residences that are not solitary in the traditional sense. It is now more common to be cohabiting and co-living.

Community is a theory of living alone, but not completely living alone. Because many apartments are different from traditional apartments, traditional apartments are just a few families in a building. You open your own door with your key. Now the young people love to live in a big living room with a common kitchen. , restaurants, these are shared by everyone, but everyone has their own room,

What do you like to do in your own room? In addition, you can usually chat and cook together in the living room or in the kitchen. So are these people living alone? He seems to be living alone, but he is not alone in the strict sense.

Zhou Yijun: I am a female friend after 90, telling me that her ideal love status is called boyfriend living next door. Just don’t live together, don’t be too close, we can still go back to each home, but I don’t have to go too far when I go to you. I think the ideal relationship is that you can be an island or a piece of one. Everyone has more demands for self-space.

Liang Wendao: Anyway, they are very similar to living alone. I see that some young people now feel old. These young people, whether they are friends or couples, sit down with coffee and afternoon tea, and they all use their mobile phones. They are all online.

SinusWen Tao: I have lived elsewhere.

Liang Wendao: Yes, are you calling this together? You are actually doing everything.

Zhou Yijun: The current person seems to be, as a single point, he has been able to connect with all the people outside, and does not need other people.

I remember when I first came to Hong Kong, the first Cantonese sentence I learned was “Please go to the counter.” That was ten years ago, I have not seen such a single fast food meal that can be eaten by one person in Beijing and Shanghai. It was discovered in Hong Kong that because of the development of urbanization, the city can satisfy you more and more. The requirements, everything can be counted with one person.

For example, if you go to Tokyo now, you can find a 24-hour shop whenever you go to the streets. All the things you need for a single person can be bought.

Dou Wentao: Some sociologists say that women’s status has risen in recent years, and more and more women have their own jobs; cities provide single-person life and social services… With this foundation, so living alone The population is rising. There is also a question lurking here: Is man originally wishing to live alone?

Liang Wendao: I am afraid not.

Dou Wentao: Yes, you are like a person in the agricultural society in the past. He may not necessarily say that he likes to live alone.

Ma Jiahui: Because the agricultural society needs collective production, then of course it tends to be non-living. If we talk back to the modern society, we can all talk about the ten benefits of living alone, but the question is, what is the reason for us to give up living alone and choose two people to live together? We also know that two people living together can tell ten kinds of disadvantages, quarreling each other, rubbing, conflicting, and so on.

But there is a situation that is irreplaceable. That is, we say that living together does not mean living together for two months, three months, one year and two years, but rather establishing a relationship, a community relationship.

Look at meCome, you feel that you are willing to live with this person in the same space. This feeling of dependency is that there is no way to be replaced by the one hundred benefits of living alone. You certainly can’t live with each other, but this feeling is still very unique.

2. Is loneliness or freedom freed?

Dou Wentao: But if you say that it’s really a lifetime, it’s really a real person, not even a partner. I still can’t imagine this situation. Because what is directly involved here is to say, what level of loneliness can you accept? Many people think that they love loneliness very much. Actually, you may not be able to accept something.

Ma Jiahui: I remember when I was in my thirties, I once had dinner at a Cantonese roast shop in Causeway Bay. Then suddenly a 50-60 year old person sat next to me, one person. A bowl of barbecued rice was eaten like a plate of green vegetables, and it was eaten alone. I felt so sad at the time that I swear that I am old enough to fall to this point and go to dinner alone at night.

Liang Wendao: I am totally opposite to you. Am I not eating? If I am a gourmet, it must be a lonely foodie. The way my gourmets develop is a person who spells out. You know that when I was a graduate student, I almost took all the salary of the assistants. I love to eat alone.

Later, I sometimes want to eat Chinese food, but it is inconvenient for one person. There is a place to solve this need, which is Temple Street. Although it is a place for the lower classes of temples to eat, I think it is not bad.

The temple street is a lot of people fighting the big round table, and then each called the side dish. Twenty years ago, 30 years ago, a plate of small dishes and a few pieces of Hong Kong dollars, a steamed loach is still ten dollars. Then I have a dozen people at the table. Apart from being a young man, I am all the lonely old man you said. However, I think everyone is very fun.

A lot of people call us shochu here, “double steaming”, pendulumOn the table, then sipping and drinking, everyone drunk, started to talk, and finally everyone knew.

I also liked to go downstairs to a bookstore in Mong Kok. After reading the book, I went down to eat beef noodles, called a beef venetian leaf and then a bottle of double steaming. I was like a lonely old man to eat and drink. I don’t think they are very miserable. I think everyone is very happy.

Zhou Yijun: Yes, there was a boy who confessed to me, that is, I don’t want you to eat alone. I think mom, I like to eat alone.

Dou Wentao: So this is the impulse to seek personal freedom, but to enjoy loneliness, Schopenhauer’s conclusion is that talented people of excellence often prefer loneliness, and loneliness is a necessity for them.

For example, if you look at Einstein, he and his wife have a good relationship, but he has to think alone in a room for a long time every day, and sometimes he goes out for a week, one person draws a Boat, to consider these physics issues.

So Einstein, although this person also has this part of mortal life, I always think that he still has a special “individual” part, which may be the kind that Schopenhauer said, you let this kind of person Participating in frequent social life every day is a kind of harm to his spirit.

Ma Jiahui: On the other hand, do you want the happiness of coexistence? Because happiness sometimes hurts you.

For example, you have seen Pamuk, who later divorced his ex-wife, because what he said, they lived together for some days of husband and wife life, which was almost the most painful period of his creative career. why? Not unhappy, but too happy and too happy.

Zhou Yijun: It is indeed too happy to write anything. But I have a problem. He is a writer. He has a platform to talk about his feelings. Does his wife have a platform to say how she feels?

Ma Jiahui: I didn’t pay attention to his wife.

Zhou Yijun: Yes, like Woolf said many years ago, a woman must have a room of her own. I think there is a problem here, that is, you can’t tell what is lonely and what is freedom.

Sometimes you want to be alone, you think that the thing you want to destroy is lonely, and you lose freedom, but it is together.

3. In the crowd, you can feel true loneliness

Dou Wentao: Let me provide a specimen. You can help me analyze it. I know the words loneliness and loneliness, but believe it or not, I have not felt this way.

Lu Yu old asked me what you are doing at home, I said that I am very busy, I can not go downstairs for two weeks. You look annoyed every day. You will have breakfast in the morning, then you will have to look at the painting later, and you will have to look at the book in a while. There are so many episodes of English dramas, American dramas, and domestic dramas that you can’t finish. I have to prepare the “round table”, and I have to walk an hour’s treadmill every day. It’s really busy.

So that there will be problems when I live alone, I can see no one for a month, and even later I go to the next door of my friend’s house to go to the door. When I go out, I will feel like a blushing heartbeat. You know, it’s like.

WeekJun Jun: The cave man.

Liang Wendao: Actually, when we talk about loneliness, it is not that one person feels boring and doing nothing, or feels that she has no such loneliness. What is sometimes a sense of loneliness is a state of obvious awareness that you are a person.

For example, when I was young, I first realized loneliness, not because I was a person, but in the sea of ​​people. I rode a car and saw many people around me. After some classmates, suddenly I seem to have left my body in consciousness and saw myself in the back of my head. I actually have nothing in common with these people. I am a person.

Zhou Yijun: You saw “I”.

Liang Wendao: Yes, I saw myself. That moment was the first time I realized that I was alone.

Dou Wentao: Many young people in this city have resonance. You say that I think of one of their definitions, that is why I always feel lonely? Loneliness is all around, acquaintances, classmates are friends, but I still feel very lonely, I feel that I am alone. This is called loneliness and loneliness.

4. When you move to each other, you become a kind of grievance

Zhou Yijun: Of course, many young people live alone because of objective conditions. They left their hometown and left their roots. He did not live with his family. He is a North drifter or a Shanghai drifter. He is actually because there are no relatives or acquaintances around him.

Dou Wentao: This is actually a change in modern production methods. After the emergence of capitalist production methods in the past decade, people have gradually atomized. And now people are increasingly demanding their own lives.

For example, there is a lady who separated from her husband for objective reasons. After she separated for a long time, she told me that they started to want to adjust it. Later, both of them didn’t want to, I felt This is quite good.

She said that it’s easy for her husband to fly now, butHe comes back every week for a week, it will make people feel very troublesome, because you are used to the bed is so shopped, the toothbrush is placed here, every morning you can dress up in the kitchen to get something, or don’t want to do it today. If you have breakfast, you will not eat it.

But my husband is coming, she finds that life suddenly becomes very awkward, very troublesome, and even wants you to go when.

Ma Jiahui: The same, I have asked a lot of young students, they all said that after making a boyfriend or a girlfriend, it is best to live together and live alone. As we just said, living in a place not far away. I think there is a very important reason. You are not willing to pay and you are not willing to move.

I just said that ten benefits and ten disadvantages of living alone, ten advantages and ten disadvantages of cohabitation, the common mutual dependence, mutual care, and even living in the same space are very important.

For example, why do we have to pay for tickets to listen to the concert? You can actually see all the shows at home. This is because we want to appear in the same space at the same time as our idol.

The same is true when we talk about love. I hope to do something with this person in the same space and eat and watch movies together. But what you have to pay, to be accommodated, is whether you brush your teeth first or if I brush your teeth first, do you wash the dishes or I wash the dishes. People in their twenties are basically unwilling to pay, and paying is a kind of grievance for them.

Dou Wentao: I am showing you a number, which was issued by an authority last year. In the past decade, the number of people living alone in the world has increased by 33%, and the fastest growing countries are developing countries such as China, India and Brazil. One-seventh of the population in the United States currently lives alone, and 30% of single-family families in Japan.

In fact, China is still relatively traditional. The current ratio is 14%, which is still relatively low. But as you said, more than 80% of married people also want couples to have separate spaces.

Zhou Yijun: Actually, I think that the phenomenon of living alone happens in developing countries like China and India. Because this country will have a phenomenon of a large population increase in the middle class.

Liang Wendao: So I want to say that the phenomenon of solitary living that we are seeing now is a reality that cannot be avoided at this moment.

A lot of people from rural areas, county towns, or a third-tier city to Beishangguang study, work, stay, how can he not live alone? Why are there still popular youth apartments living together? That is because the cost of living alone is still very high. Renting a house in the north is expensive, so several young people are renting a house.

Zhou Yijun: Yes, the old interpersonal relationships belonging to these new cities have all been cut off. He came to the city and faced a new kind of interpersonal relationship. He was a little cautious and could not come to you. Marry and buy a house, right.

I recently talked to an economist. He showed me some of this data. China is indeed the country with the largest population movement and the largest urbanization in the past 20 years.

Dou Wentao: In fact, life is also progressing. In the past, many big families also had the bitterness of big families, including the fact that you have to integrate into a collective life and socialize in it. This also has a lot of personal damage to yourself. But now there are conditions that allow everyone to have their own small world.

Liang Wendao: This thing can be more realistic to see, what kind of world is the modern world? The function of the family is constantly being stripped out.

For example, the old life is old and sick at home, and most of the life will not be born at home? Death will not die at home, and illness is not raised at home, it is socialization.

There are many people in the family who need to be provided by others, and the functions of mutual help are constantly being stripped. Nowadays, countries with a relatively large proportion of solitary living in the world, except for developing countries, are mostly similar to Japan, and the functions of the entire family can be adopted by society.The service is outsourced.

When I press at home, I have someone to come to the emergency, and even a lot of home equipment is designed from the perspective of the elderly living alone.

Zhou Yijun: All your needs can be met by strangers.

Liang Wendao: Yes, when you can be satisfied by strangers or technology, do you really need someone to live with you?

Dou Wentao: So this is an overall development trend, right? On the one hand, family units are getting smaller and smaller, and on the other hand, social services are catching up.

Liang Wendao: In other words, the richer and more developed places will create more conditions for a person to live alone.

Ma Jiahui: And this situation seems to me, but it is more reason to let you not live alone. Because cohabitation is no longer a realistic need for mutual care, but becomes a pure relationship. It is the community that lives together.

I am not for my death, you are collecting for me, not for dinner, you are for me, I just want to be with you and live together in this space.

……

This article is an excerpt from the program manuscript

Article from WeChat public account:See the ideal (ID: ikanlixiang), author: roundtable sent