You should be what you want to be.
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Editor’s note: You not only have the ability to be the person you want to be, you should be this person. The author of this article takes you through the analysis of what keeps you from breaking through and suggests that you can be the best of yourself. For this article translated from Medium, author Brianna Wiest, originally titled “Why You’re Attached to Being an Inferior Version of Yourself”, I hope to inspire you.
Most of us don’t live the best possible life, not because of lack of ability or willpower.
We know that our strength is ready for promotion, but we are not trying to be a candidate. We know that competitors’ services are more expensive, but we don’t dare to increase the price of our services. We suspect that we are not in good shape, but we always dispel the enthusiasm of our exercise. We want to dress better, but when we finally choose clothes, we will go to the same old clothes and say that they are “good enough.”
There are some more subtle situations. For example, we know that long and short is not a good habit, but we are still involved. We know that most of the fears are worrying, but we still can’t help thinking about it. We want to go out, make plans, and connect with society, but we are not able to stick to the end. We want to live in a clean and comfortable space, but we are not cleaning the room. We know we need a glass of water, but we are too lazy to reach out and get it.
On the surface, these tiny failures seem to be lazy or lack of confidence. of. But the reality is much more profound than this.
When you are a child, you are fearless. You can speak your own needs without hesitation, you live in the moment, you are in the most honest stage of your life.
Until early adolescence, you begin to acquire cognitive abilities, recognize certain dangers, the dangers that humans are most afraid of: the dangers from society. You are born with the need to be accepted by your peers. As you grow, you begin to understand the criteria and conditions we use to assess each other’s values.
Soon, the kind of free, effortless, and devoted life you have lived is not so much like your own natural state, but more like the criteria that others judge you.
Whether you realize it or not, you are comfortable. If you don’t know it, you will make yourself small.
Your “little self” is a combination of your habits, behaviors, and beliefs. You understand their needs and preferences and treat their preferences as your own. You assume that some of your traits are for defense, or for security. Maybe you never have time to stop and think: But is this really me?
As we can adjust and adapt to the expectations of others, we also have the ability to adjust and adapt to our expectations.
The formation of habit is a three-part cycle: triggers, routines, rewards. This happens when you keep trying to get better.
For example, you said that you want to jump out of your comfort zone and find a more promising new job. So you sit in front of the computer and start working, but when you sit down, you will open WeChat skillfully and start to brush your circle of friends. After playing for an hour, your job application is still not completed.
Open WeChat is a trigger (an action that is shorter than 30 seconds), it starts a routine (stopping the phone) and rewards you by avoiding things that make you nervous (giving you a sense of security) ).
For example, you want to try a new dressing match someday. But once you pick up a familiar dress, you will pick up the second one. Those bolder clothes will only press the bottom of the box, and your brain will reward you with the comfort of the status quo.
When you feel stressed, you will turn to the old habits: things you are familiar with, a defense you formed many years ago. you alwaysStrengthening yourself, that safe self. When you do this, the brain will give you a sense of security. This cycle will cycle back and forth.
It is impossible to grow by “little self”. Your “little self” is a black hole without a bottom. Because you will never be content with what you don’t really need, you will never be satisfied with the person you don’t really need.
But remember: our self-awareness is malleable. Just as we adjust and adapt to the expectations of others, we also have the ability to adjust and adapt to our expectations. We can find our original self and shape a new identity that is more in line with our true wishes.
You realize that “you are not the best self” means you already know what your best self is. In fact, you realize that “unreal” means that you have some ideas about the real feelings. If you don’t realize the gap between “who are you” and “you know who you should be,” you won’t feel uneasy and worried. Here are some tips to help you become the best of yourself.
Imagine the person you want to be
Imagine walking like them, living like them, doing things like them. It’s the same way you behave every day of your life. This is the only way you can be.
Imagine their dress and hairstyle. Imagine how they write emails and how to deal with conflicts. Imagine what they did and how they did it. Imagination includes both macro and micro: imagine a complete image and understand how that person will handle the details of life.
Resist the old impulse
If you know that your aesthetic is impeccable, just not dressed well enough, you must suppress your impulses and choose the clothes you really want to wear. If you know that you have the ability to be a master in your field, but you are comfortable with the status quo, you must fight against the impulse to make yourself seem insignificant.
In the beginning, it was not comfortable, but it was necessary. The key to giving up on me is to give up on you to adapt to what others expect of you.
You not only have the ability to be this person, you should also be this person.
Almost everyone is very good at one thing, and it will be very poor in one or two things, while in the remainingOther aspects are generally the same. Don’t try to make yourself good in all aspects, but to move toward your own strengths, recognize and tolerate your weaknesses, and find comfort in your own normality.
Rewrite your own story
The reason you refuse to be the “ideal self” is that you associate it with something negative. Maybe you think that attractive people look vain, successful people look superficial, and confident people look arrogant. In these cases, you are putting social commentary on everything else. The truth is, you can be anyone you want to be – as long as you are kind, sincere, kind, and willing to admit mistakes.
Tell yourself that you are becoming the kindest and most loved one. Not only do you have the ability to be this person, you should also be this person. This self-verification process is essential. You used to want to get affirmation from others, but what would you do if no one would evaluate you?
Translator: Jane
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