This article is from WeChat public account: Maybe (ID: knbknb) , author: A Zen Jason Ng, from the title figure: vision China

As a middle-aged greasy man in his 30s, share some of my ways to relieve anxiety.

I’ve created a second career, and I’ve also joined two friends’ companies as partners. I was 26 years old when I first started my business, and 27 when I failed my first business. The next day after the company was liquidated, I bought a plane ticket to Qinghai. I drove around Qinghai Lake by myself, trying to resolve my negative emotions. What I never expected was that I didn’t know I should drink Rhodiola before going to the plateau, so I was forced to return to Beijing after 2 days.

(Photographed in Canada in 2019)

After 30 years, I have accumulated:

  1. 2 experiences of entrepreneurial failure and a bunch of negative emotions

  2. I know everything, but I am not very proficient

  3. Learned to focus on people 50% of the time, not 100% of the time

  4. I learned how to disassemble

  5. Learned to compare myself

    Under a chance coincidence at the end of June this year, I changed my job again, and started to form a team, take the team, and do things from 0-1 again. This may be my destiny, and I always do from 0-1. thing. Of course, I always have expectations in my heart, hoping to seize the opportunity by working hard to turn 1 into 10.

    I am a very anxious person. Every time I start a business, I spend almost every day in anxiety. Fortunately, my hairline is still good, which may be the result of my father’s efforts. If I want to find a summary of the internal causes for my past entrepreneurship and failures, I believe that the biggest internal cause is that I do n’t know what to do when I am anxious.

    1, know what paths and choices there are

    Yes, I think the reason why people are anxious is not that a negative thing has come, but that after this thing comes, you do n’t know how to deal with it.

    Negative things are not terrible. The terrible thing is that you don’t know what to do.

    This year is not only a new stage in my career, but also my family’s most sick year. Compared with the past, I am more calm in the face of family members’ illness and even possible departure.

    Calm is not because of cold-blooded, loved ones are the only ones, and career can be resumed. The reason I’m not anxious is because I have collected all the problem solving paths I can gather, and the possible choices and consequences if the problem cannot be solved.

    For example, an elderly family member was suddenly unconscious and was admitted to the hospital. My idea is that I have 3 choices:

  6. I don’t know if I can live here and meet while I live

  7. I don’t know if I can survive, I will see you after I die

  8. I don’t know if I can survive, and visit TA when TA recovers

    When I know what options I have, all I need to do is weigh the pros and cons. In the end, I made a judgment within 1 minute and chose 1. Because I don’t think it is meaningful to meet unilaterally.

    After returning to Guangdong, the first thing I did was to visit, and then I did three things:

    1. Ask your family about how TA is doing and how they judge it

    2. Ask the doctor how the TA is and how the doctors judge it

    3. Ask the nurse to understand the TA situation in the past 2 days, what has changed in the data

      These three things are not for others, but for myself, to prepare for what choices I have to make next, and to choose what kind of mental preparation to face.

      After understanding everything I can understand, I know I only have 2 options:

      1. TA can liveCome, but after all, where is the age, I often go home to visit TA

      2. TA may not be able to resist, but it is a blessing to live to this age and four generations in the same house. I remember TA in my heart and it is the best thing I can do

        These two choices are passive choices. For me, what I want to imagine is what should I do when the passive condition arrives. Later, I passively chose 1. This is also the result I most want to see.

        In contrast, my mother is a more anxious person. She’s always worried about it, her brain is like a computer desktop full of icons, and icons stacked on top of each other-no way to organize. However, if we change to a rational way of thinking, and put these cluttered “icons” into different “folders”, Yes, this is time-consuming, but it can help us clear the path. Next, systematically observe the icons in the folder, sort out the possibilities, and weave them into paths. At this time, our anxiety may be eliminated.

        Because when we weave the path, the only choices we can make are A and B. At this time, we can use rationality or intuition to make a judgment. Some people like to use intuition. I prefer to judge rationally. Although the so-called intuition is often the implicit rational judgment accumulated from human experience.

        It’s the same at work. If we are not the CEO, what we get is either a directional target (middle level) , Either multiple implementation matters. Although there is only one directional goal, it is “disorderly” because it does not have a specific execution item. When you disassemble it, you will tear down the computer desktop in my mother’s head — a very messy icon; And there are relatively many executive matters. The more things, the more chaotic people are, and the less they are willing to distinguish priorities and make choices, then they become anxious.

        So, my solution to anxiety is to spend enough time to comb through, draw various possibilities and choices on paper, and then comprehensively consider and make choices. After making my choice, I can make a to do list of what I do next, that is, I know what I should do.

        At this time, with the goal and to do, there is less anxiety.

        2. Finding and helping hands

        Spending a lot of time doing things you are not good at is an important source of anxiety.

        When I was young, I always felt that I could do everything. It might be because of fame too early-too ​​arrogant.

        A lot of times, even if we make a choice and make a to do to achieve this choice, there are still too many things. We know what to do, but we can’t finish it, and there are still some things that we may take some time to do, but we are not professional and not good enough.

        The reason why a courier can be delivered from Shenzhen to my Beijing home is not only by plane, but also by trucks and courier.

        We may be flying on one thing and fly fast, but on the other, it may take a week to learn how to be a courier.

        So, instead of spending a week learning how to be a courier, why not find some courier to set up a courier company?

        The same is true for work and life. The so-called technical profession has a specialization. Do what you are good at. Do what you are not good at. Find someone to teach you how to do or give you a detailed to do list. Or, seek a win-win situation. Let others do it for you.

        3. Recognize

        Some anxiety comes from face. For example, in front of the leader, he explained something to you. Now that the leader has said it, can you not do it?

        But this thing may be completely unfamiliar to you, it may take a lot of your time, but in the end it is nothing. Do it?

        If you don’t, the leader may be unhappy. Yes, maybe there is no output? How to do?


        When encountering this situation, the first thing I did was to draw a path, not to immediately recognize it.

        1. In most cases, we are not the first to do this. Are there any precedents you can refer to?

        2. If a precedent is found, do any friends or colleagues know about the children involved in the precedent?

        3. If so, ask them for advice

        4. After consultation, draw 2 path maps

          • The first is the possibilities that you choose to do, and the possibilities that you choose not to do

          • The second is the various possibilities and to do in the process of doing this. There may be various possibilities and choices in to do, draw them out.

          • When these two paths are drawn and analyzed rationally, we have nothing but two choices: to do or not to do.

          • If you can’t do it after weighing it, admit it

          • After recognition, we are responsible for our choices

            People have ceilings. Not everything we can do, even some things we can’t control. For example, in the cold winter, you cannot change the price of pork by yourself. We recognize that pork is expensive. But after recognizing, we can make future choices, we can increase our income, or we can eat beef instead of buying pork.

            4, Learn to choose

            Going back to my mother’s metaphor, she has too many icons on her computer desktop, so she is anxious when she is confused. My other family has the habit of putting many things that they have n’t used in their homes for a long time, so often it takes half a day to find a piece of clothing or an appliance, and the home is not a 1,000-square-foot mansion The more things you have, the less space you have at home.

            I later set a rule for her:Throw away anything that is used less than twice a year.

            Throwing here can be thrown in the recycle bin, or given away, or donated to others. Anyway, don’t stay at home. As long as these things are not left at home and cannot be seen by the eyes, you will not feel that the things at home are cluttered, you will not have the trouble of finding things that are hard to find, and you will not be anxious because of them.

            The priorities that product managers often need to do in work are prioritization. Usually, P0 means to do it immediately, and P3 is the fourth gradient to consider. In fact, when it comes to P3, there is a high probability that it will take a form, and generally it will be left.

            This seems irresponsible, but I think it’s a good habit. A person can only focus on one thing at a time, and whether or not this thing can do well often defines the person’s position in his company, his circle, and even income.

            The more goals there are, the more time is scattered. We all understand this principle, but we are always reluctant to abandon those less important things, always thinking that we can take care of both. Actual experience tells me whether I can look at these two options:

            1. Whether there is a helping hand or a substitute, if so, we focus on the main goal, and we only focus on the progress of the secondary goal.

            2. If you do n’t have a helping hand or substitute, you will only do one thing at a stage, and you will slowly let go of the other things, because they are not so important.

              Without money, it ’s gone. People are just alive. Do n’t TV series always educate us like this? Prioritize important things.

              5. Allow mistakes and plan the path after mistakes

              I do n’t allow myself to make mistakes when starting a business, so whenever a setback occurs, my mood always falls to the bottom. As a result, anxiety began again, and although we would find ways to resolve the setbacks, it was too late.

              I have watched me downstairsIn a supermarket named Libee, their staff held a tablet every night and placed the goods on the shelves in front of the pictures in the tablet. They told me that their order was changed almost every week in order to increase sales.

              When I look at other people ’s products using the A / B test method to find the optimal solution, I always feel that this is the truth. Everyone understands. Is n’t entrepreneurship and work just trying multiple solutions and then finding the best solution? What?

              There is nothing wrong with thinking this way, but if you think about it the other way around. Each time it is repositioned, it means that the last time it was placed is wrong. If “wrong” is regarded as “frustration”, then they will encounter frustration at least once a week.

              Then I mapped this reverse thinking into my work. Am I too low tolerance for errors? People make mistakes once a week. From this perspective, we may be more tolerant of making mistakes. In fact, we are not making mistakes most of the time. We are all pursuing better results, but “experimental thinking” actually runs through the whole process of doing things. The important thing is:

              1. Able to gain insights from mistakes, this insight must help the next decision.

              2. Make mistakes at different levels, imagine the worst results, and plan your path to error

                What are mistakes at different levels?

                We disassemble the word “thing” from the corporate dimension, which is roughly: strategy-N sub-directions-NxN projects-NxNxN to to.

                At the to do level, errors can be quickly tested, that is, they can also quickly plan how to correct them if they make mistakes.

                The more you go up, the longer the inspection cycle is, and the harder it is to plan your path after making a mistake.

                Fortunately, a well-developed company has its “guardian” at every level of dismantling, a buzzwordCalled “owner”, one of his very important responsibilities is, if things are not going in the direction we expected, what other options do we have.

                At this point, you are back to choice, and accordingly to the “path.” Once there is a path, anxiety is reduced.

                6 or 2 years, 6 months target, 1 month to do

                Modern companies, especially the Internet industry, change is the norm. For most people, let alone what the world looks like in 2 years, or even 6 months, is unpredictable.

                If a product manager tells me with a prototype, we will make such a product after 2 years, I will definitely spank him, because I do n’t believe most people can now imagine the human needs after 2 years What kind of product. The average person can see the current demand and the demand in the next six months, but in 2 years, only a few people can see it.

                I admit it anyway.

                But advocacy does not mean that we do not think. Once there is no relatively long-term goal, people are easily anxious. On the other hand, if the goal is too long, people will also be anxious, because you can’t perceive it at all, you can reach this goal.

                I did this:

                1. When I’m working on a product, I will use language to describe what this product will do in the next 2 years. I do n’t have a prototype or a complete implementation path for 2 years. I just know what I ’m going to turn around within 2 years. / p>

                2. When I know what I’m going to do, I set a goal for 6 months. Within 6 months, what kind of products should I make, what kind of users should I meet, and what company’s strategy should I meet? Goal

                3. 6 months is still too far. I don’t plan to list 6 months to do in full, because things always change.Love doesn’t always follow the path we envisioned, and the path always needs trial and error correction.

                4. So, the to do for the next month will be formulated half a month in advance, and the to do for the next week will be dismantled half a week in advance

                5. Because only the recent events and I as an ordinary person, can I know exactly what to do, the long-term direction remains the same, but the weekly and monthly to do changes dynamically < / p>

                  When I disassemble directions, goals, and tasks in this way, I find that my anxiety is much less than before. In fact, the principle is the same as the first part:

                  I know what to do next, what paths and options I have.

                  So, look down and do things, occasionally look up to see the changes, and then look down to do things, people are less anxious.

                  7, compare yourself

                  If you endure reading my boring text here, you will find that I have made many metaphors in the previous article.

                  This is a way to deal with anxiety and find to do when facing complex things.

                  In work, especially when doing things from 0-1, it is often easy to encounter some cases that ca n’t be found and you can follow suit. You ca n’t tell the designer, “You just copy it to a certain product. “. How to do?

                  My approach is to compare myself. I believe in the law, the law of history, the law of human nature, and the law of development of things. I always believe that we can find things similar to what we are doing from what happened in the past and what we have experienced. How this similar thing develops, and what choices and paths it has, often means what choices and paths we will have.

                  I wo n’t use the parable here anymore. You can look back at the parable that my mother used.

                  If we can summarize the law, it can become a methodology. These methodologies will guide us in making the right choice.

                  For example, one of the product methodologies that Yu Jun has summarized is:

                  Product value = (new product value-old product value) -user migration cost.

                  If we apply this formula to various products that try to socialize in recent years, it will be easy to find that although the value of the new product is greater than the value of the old product, the cost of user migration is too high, and the user relationship chain is all in WeChat , A new social product for the whole society, it is almost impossible to shake the social dominance of WeChat.

                  I have a friend who keeps a pile of cards in his pocket. These cards are printed with a variety of “thinking models” he has read that are useful. Whenever he encounters something, he doesn’t know what to do. When he started to feel anxious, he took out these cards and set them up one by one to see if that model of thinking could help him get out and choose.

                  This may be a solution to anxiety.

                  8, understand the difference between people

                  When I was young, I thought there were only two kinds of people in the world, parents and children. When I grow up, I start to classify men and women, and when I grow up, I classify people by discipline, job type, and position.

                  This is far from enough.

                  In our work, it is always difficult to avoid conflicts with colleagues. We even privately say that this colleague is bad, that colleague is a fool, etc.

                  Is that colleague really stupid?

                  You know, if you feel more and more silly around you, your anxiety will become higher and you will be on the verge of collapse.

                  Each person’s growth, knowledge gained, people they know, and location are different, which will cause everyone to have different understanding and different conclusions when thinking about the same thing. .

                  To live and work happily, eliminate anxiety, and advance things, no matter where you are in your work, whether you are a manager or an executive, understand the differences between people and find common ground, it takes a lot of time of.

                  For me, at least 50% of my time is spent communicating with the team and outside. Get to know what different people and different departments think of the same thing, and find a win-win path that most people recognize.

                  The win-win situation here includes internal and external.

                  If we always think, ah, the company has set a goal, everyone will do the same as I do, and finally 10 people may draw 10 different Hamlet.

                  Understanding people’s differences can help reduce the complaints we have about people, and focus more on advancing things. Correspondingly, there is less anxiety and less emotion.

                  9. Give yourself time to hang out

                  Finally, my way to reduce anxiety is to set aside some dull time.

                  I have such an experience. When I was struggling to think about the solution of one thing, after thinking about it for a few days, I couldn’t think of it, so I discussed it with my colleagues and the result. At this point, I was in trouble because I didn’t know the next path and choice. How to do?

                  I started to feel dazed. When in a daze, I often have a clever idea, alas, it seems that this problem can be solved that way.

                  Why does a daze help solve the problem?

                  My understanding is that when we are in a daze, we do n’t fully think about work, we may think about other things, whether conscious or unconscious. When we think about other things, there is a possibility. But this “something else” is a “parable” of our current affairs.

                  As mentioned earlier, “parable analogy” is to find the same pattern between two things and solve the current problem through known patterns. So where does the metaphor come from? From past experience, books read, stories heard. But when we are immersed in thinking about the current problem, our brain often does not have spare CPU to look for the rules that we have learned in the past. Therefore, the more anxious we are, the more anxious we are, the more we cannot solve the problem.

                  So my understanding is that daze, it is actually a “leave” for the brain, so that our brain has time to carry out previous Brown exercises. In Brown exercises, look for the “laws” we know and pass These laws solve current problems.

                  This article is from WeChat public account: Maybe (ID: knbknb) , author: A Zen Jason Ng