The light cast its shadow on the floor, my soul!
I am afraid that the black shadow floating on the floor will never be able to escape.

 
——Ellen. Poe

 
If I told you, I used to be a good one Poet, you may find it ridiculous, because I am now an outright villain. But this is true. I have written many very touching poems, just like I have done many uncommon things now. If you put those poems and what I do together, I can’t believe it was the same person’s actions.
Maybe there is still a little cultural conscience after all. When I break away from the debauchery of the day and face myself, I often feel sad and self-blaming, just like now, the night is quiet and the rain is desolate. The loneliness that cannot be dismissed reminds me of my old friends, especially the painter Lu Man and her studio. I opened the long-dusted drawer, which contained several books and letters from friends. I found the sketch from a photo album. This is Lu Man’s facial sketch for me. She captured my instant expression Anxiety, helplessness, and some arrogance, more vivid than pictures.
I carefully unrolled the slightly yellowed sketch paper, and couldn’t help but froze. I couldn’t believe my eyes, there was nothing on it, nothing. Maybe you got it wrong? I turned it again for a long time, and there was no other paper in the drawer. This one is absolutely wrong, but where is my avatar? Although it has been stored for a long time, the clear picture drawn with the carbon pen will not be put away. impossible.
I started to study the paper carefully. Yes, it’s a blank piece of paper; I pointed it at the light again and watched it carefully like a film. This time, I saw a few shadows faintly, and the shadows seemed to creep. I rubbed my eyes, turned my eyes elsewhere, and then faced the paper.
Guess what I saw.
A strange face appeared on that piece of paper. This face looked depressed, dull, and even painful. Gradually, through the blurry picture, I felt that this face seemed to be acquainted, and I tried my best to identify… Finally, I saw—to be precise, it should be felt—this is Lu Man’s lover.
I dare not face the painful expression again.
I took the sketch paper away from the light and it was empty again.
What the hell is going on?
I put the paper back in the drawer and sat blankly at the table.
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting. I only heard the rain outside slamming heavily, and then I’m getting pattered again.
Suddenly, such an idea came out of nowhere-I’m going to Lu Man’s studio. I want to see her.
meTake out the portrait again and put it in my arms. I vaguely remember her studio far away from the country. However, on such a rainy night, plus a few years later, can I still find it. But I don’t care about these, anyway, I must see her tonight.
When a person is inexplicably obliged to do something, I believe it must come from another intangible force, which we cannot yet provide a satisfactory explanation for.
It was dark outside, and the rain had basically stopped. There was a lot of water on the ground, and I didn’t go far, and my shoes felt soggy. I was holding an unopened umbrella in one hand, holding the portrait in my arms, deep and shallow, walking in the direction of my memory.
Looking back, the apartment I live in has fallen far behind, the light in my room is still on, and I forgot to turn it off when I left. I didn’t care, just light it. I seem to have a subconscious in my heart that I don’t plan to go back to.
I feel a little tired, but the ground is full of water and I can’t sit down and rest. I remembered that I was close to the small river that was recently managed. There were a few pavilions on the side of the small river, and some stone tables and stone benches were set in it, so I could sit and breathe. I walked a few steps and heard the rushing water of the small river, and it was clear that the rain was indeed falling. I could vaguely see the spire of the pavilion. I walked in, found a stone bench, and fluttered it with my hand. I would sit down. At this time, the afterglow in the corner of my eye seemed to see a black shadow also sit down with me. I hurriedly turned my head to see, and outside the pavilion, only the tree shadow was shaking. At this time, there can be no one here. I dispelled my doubts, and took out a cigarette, but the lighter did not fire, so I had to put the cigarette back again. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my back. I shuddered and looked back suddenly, seeing nothing. I instinctively reached out and touched my back, and my clothes were wetly attached to my body, I wonder if it was sweat or rain. I am too neurotic, which is not in line with my character. Over the years, I have tried to make myself numb and indifferent, and throw away those useless passions and sensibilities out of Jiu Xiaoyun.
I was planning to sit for a while and then left, but I was more tired from this sitting, and my feet sank like falling into the scales. This won’t work, I will fight hard, stand up, and walk out of the gazebo. I saw the shadow again by my side. I rubbed my eyes vigorously, thinking that it might be too sleepy. Regardless of it, go my way.
I always felt that the shadow was walking with me. When I turned my head to look, there was nothing; but when my eyes looked forward, I could glimpse it from the corner of my eye.
The clouds in the sky are looser than before, and the dark eyes can see the things around. My spirit has recovered a little, I flicked my arms and strode meteor. I hope to reach that village, that studio soon.
Walking far away, I realized that my umbrella was forgotten on the stone bench in the pavilion. Forget it, an umbrella is not worth a few dollars, and I really don’t have the strength to go through the path just now. In fact, during this time, I was sleepwalking, not my consciousness directing my legs to walk, as if I wereMy legs separated from me, or they became some kind of vehicle outside me, carrying me wandering in this dark night.
Legs stopped in front of a courtyard—that’s where I was very impressed. It is a carefully selected location by Lu Man, far from the city, surrounded by mountains and water, and full of idyllic flavor. As soon as I stepped into this small courtyard, there was a sense of paradise, and Lu Man’s extraordinary temperament, beautiful and elegant appearance, made my heart amazed and my heart shook.
At the moment, I stood in this courtyard, which often appears in dreams, but I didn’t have the courage to knock on the door. I still remember that her landlord is a very thin and shrewd old lady, who behaves like a vulgar person in the country, but has the grace of everyone. It seems that she likes Lu Man very much. For men who are close to Lu Man, they always look at them with a kind of scrutiny. It is easy to think of a responsible and discerning mother who is choosing her son-in-law for her only daughter. . I don’t like that kind of gaze, but every time I come to see Lu Man, I have to endure this gaze.
I walked a dozen miles in the rain, but when I got here, I didn’t know what I was going to do. I hesitated and even wanted to return the same way. At this time, the shadow in my eyes saw the shadow again, it flew over my body and drifted towards the gate.
The door opened silently.
Nanwu is Lu Man’s studio. The lights were on, and it seemed that she had also spent a sleepless night. Westinghouse was lying in the dark, and the old lady must have fallen asleep, which was not a bad thing for me. I walked straight towards the south house.
The door opened automatically for me again. It was the smart old lady who opened the door. She seemed thinner than before, but her vision remained unchanged. I stood at the door, uncomfortable.
I avoided her vision and looked into the room. The furnishings in the room were the same as before. Suddenly I found an umbrella standing in the corner of the wall. That umbrella was mine, yes, there was still water dripping on it, and I clearly forgot it on the stone bench of the pavilion. Appear in Lu Man’s room? I thought of the dark shadow-it is, it must be done.
“It’s so late, what are you doing here?” The old lady talked. This is the first time I heard her talk, a strange voice.
“I’m looking for Lu Man, please let me in.” I answered.
She turned sideways, which meant letting me into the house. I also turned sideways and entered the house from her side.
There is a strong smell of Indian fragrance in the room, a little pungent. The paintings hanging on the walls on all four sides are mostly Picasso-style brushwork, so they look strange and unpredictable. I feel like being in another strange world.
In the center of the room stands a huge easel. An unfinished oil painting is nailed to the easel. As I approached, I saw that this was a landscape painting. This one changed the style of Lu Man’s usual style. The scenery is realistic and very realistic. The theme of the picture is a hot and humid forest belt. The whole tone is dark brown. People feel depressed, depressed, the sky is gloomy, and a few solidified clouds seem to be falling at any time. The thing that caught my attention the most is the one in the middle of the woodsThe thick black, although using a lot of pen and ink, but I can not see what it is. There is also a woman next to her with long hair. This is the only figure in this painting. The face and facial features have not been painted yet, but from a physical standpoint, I think it is Lu Man himself. Why did she paint such a picture, and she also painted herself.
There seemed to be a small noise behind me, and I turned around, and the old lady was staring at me silently. I didn’t dare to stare at her, and turned my head back again. The picture jumped into my eyes again. I found that just after I turned around, it changed. The black in the middle was surging, but the long-haired woman was gone. I rubbed my eyes and wanted to look carefully, I heard a soft sigh.
“You are still here” Lu Man stood by my side sometime. She was wearing a white dress like pajamas. Her hair covered half of her face. Through the thick hair slits, she still It can be seen that her face is very pale.
Listening to her tone, she seemed to know that I was coming.
“Did the painting bring you?” she asked, and confused me. “What painting?” I suddenly remembered the strange piece of paper I put on my body, and said hurriedly: “Brought, brought “
“Great, I’m waiting for it, otherwise, I can’t finish this work.” Her voice clearly showed irrepressible excitement.
I was even more surprised—how did she know I was coming? How do I know I will bring that picture? But I still put my hand in my pocket and went to get the picture, and said to her, “I came for it. How did the picture you painted me disappear?” Lu Man split his hand and grabbed the paper Then a burst of laughter broke out.
She shook the paper that used to be my portrait sharply, “Take a good look, nothing will disappear.”
I was surprised to see that the paper changed in her hands It became black, exactly the same as the black in the painting, but this time the black was surging, very sticky and thick, some places were bubbling, and there was an object struggling with the black. I was about to take a closer look at what the object was. Suddenly, a large hand stretched out of the black, and something like asphalt was dripping from my hand. It reached me straight, almost touching my face. I instinctively raised my hand to stop it, but my eyes were black, and at the same time, I heard Lu Man’s voice, “Look carefully, you will see many, no, never disappear.”

 
This is a terrible swamp with thick mud and forest spoilage , Making it look like asphalt, and you can smell the strong and pungent smell from a long distance. I don’t know how it was formed, but when I first saw it, I didn’t feel disgust like Lu Man and his lover, but there was a joy in my heart. At that time, I couldn’t tell where the joy came from. This joy has a sense of fear.
Lu Man said: “Let’s leave here.” Her lover naturally agreed. I said, you see how good it isThe subject matter, forests, swamps, it is rare to know such scenery. My words seemed to impress her, she actually stepped back, narrowed her eyes, and began to observe.
“Really, why didn’t I find it? This is really an excellent subject and worthy of being a poet.” Lu Man was excited like a child and was about to get a picture clip. I found a trace of irritability on her lover’s face, whether it was because of the stink of the swamp or because of the bad idea I gave Lu Man, I don’t know. I know that once an artist moves on the inspiration and passion for creation, it doesn’t matter what the environment is. Besides, Lu Man’s lover has nothing to do with me. I could not have looked at him originally. This man is a dull gourd. There is no sentiment at all. I don’t understand how the always picky Lu Man chose such a man to be a lover. After finding such a man from Lu Man, I regret how I haven’t proposed to her over the years. One is that Lu Man and I are too acquainted, and the men and women are too acquainted, which often produces affection, not love; It’s that I always feel that Bing Qingyujie’s talents and abilities are both her higher pursuit. All I have for her is brotherly care and respect for her personality, even worship. Lu Man never treats me as an outsider, and is free and unrestrained in front of me, telling me anything he wants. But since I fell in love with her, my feelings for her have changed subtly, the proportion of lust has increased, and there is also a kind of indignation, as if a treasure that belongs to me has been taken away by others, although On the surface, I pretended to be the same as usual. Lu Man didn’t even notice this. Like today, she even asked me to go out with them. The little girl didn’t know how much pain and jealousy I endured. There was always a voice in my heart that said silently: Lu Man is mine, mine…
At that time, I still love poetry with a heart, Lu Man is my loyal reader, she said her few The successful oil paintings are all inspired by my poems, and several of my thin collections of poems have long become her pillow book. I believe Lu Man’s words are true. She never compliments people deliberately. I am naturally very happy; but even so, I still maintain a platonic friendship with her. Now think about me as an unreasonable fool.

 
“It’s too late today, let’s paint tomorrow.” Lu The lover said. I realized that I was a little distracted.
Lu Man turned to look at me, as if seeking my opinion.
The sun is already slanting west, and the light in the forest is as dark as dusk. I was also very tired, so I said, “Let’s find a place to spend the night first.”
“But stay away from this stinky pool and sleep next to it. I can’t stand it.” Lu Man’s lover again Say.
“You can’t go too far, you can’t find it here.” Lu Man’s tone was like discovering a new continent or Fengshui treasure. Lu Man’s lover sneered, and said disdainfully, “Here, I can smell it even after eight hundred miles, so I can find it.”
Lu Man glared at her and said angrily, “You can never improve your level.” I motioned to Lu Man not to say anything.
Lu Man’s lover muttered while walking, “I don’t believe it, even if you are guarding a big pit, you will be sentimental and have layers.”
I am afraid Lu Man will hear him again. After arguing, they kept interrupting and distracted Lu Man’s attention. I secretly scolded the landing lover, why is this guy so flesh. On the other hand, I’m also a little happy that this type of person Lu Man will never get along with him for too long. However, the fact soon proved that my inference was wrong. Love cannot be determined according to a person’s normal thinking. Its subtlety lies in this. Both men and women play a role that even they cannot recognize, playing an irregular game.
That night, when I think about it now, I can’t believe whether I have actually experienced it. It’s more like a dream that can’t be put together, so now it can only be said like a dream.

 
…… I looked at the helpless hands waving The gray mud has flowed over the head. Only those hands, those helpless hands… The shout disappeared. Calmness returned to the surroundings, and occasionally one or two cries of unknown nocturnal animals came.
I pushed him down…?
No, obviously he went down by himself, and I watched it go down.
Why should he go on?

 
The camping tent.
The two of them live inside.
We had a great meal at the picnic that night and we all drank too much. Later they entered the tent, and I seemed to take the initiative to stay outside and serve as a lookout. I didn’t know why I was so diligent that day.
Afterwards, I heard the movement.
The unique movements that men and women have only at that juncture.
It is such a man who makes me disdain, even possessed…
resentment. remorse. jealous. Heart cramps.
The sound grew stronger. They forgot about it and ignored the observer at the door.
In such a forest, in such a late night, listening to a pair of men and women indulging in joy, and that woman was once your beloved, what kind of state of mind would it be?
I sat there numbly…
I don’t know how long it has passed…
It gets darker and darker.
A person sitting in the dark for a long time will feel that his body seems to be dissipated, blending with the darkness, you can’t see yourself, and you can’t feel your own existence. The idea is peculiar, and I don’t even believe that this is my own thinking. If you have ever done a loss or want to do it, don’t do itTo stay alone in this darkness for a long time.
A pair of naked bodies floated in front of my eyes, entangled, wriggled…
I can’t bear this kind of torture anymore. I stood up and wanted to stay away. At this moment, a corner of the tent was opened, and a shadow came out.
That’s what happened. I blame that night, it was too dark, otherwise, I would not move this dangerous idea.
He peed at a tree. It seems that the wine is still awake, and with the busyness just now, he looks exhausted. His upper body is rickety. He is holding the tree trunk with one hand and holding his thing with one hand…
There must be some god or demon manipulating me in the dark…
I walked over and patted his shoulder lightly, and he turned around, his eyes blurred.
“Did you sleep yet?” I asked.
He shook his head, still in a daze.
I don’t care about him…
I took a few steps and heard something moving behind me, and turned around, it turned out that he was following me.
Can he sleepwalk?
I led him, walking through the dark trees, farther and farther away from the tent.
The swamp is in front. I again smelled the stinking smell.
He followed me like a shadow, but now he didn’t complain about the smell that disgusted him.
“Are you hot?” I was terrified by the sound I made, as if another person was talking in my body. “Look, what a cool pool water, go take a shower.”
The shadow left me and walked straight towards the swamp…


 
It took me a lot of effort to find the tent.

 
It was already dawn, but the forest was still dark as before.
She stood in front of the tent as if waiting for something. In this jungle away from people, only me, and her. The situation itself has made me very excited.
I hugged her and fell down with her on the grass wet by dew.

 
What I can’t believe is–she turned out to be a virgin.

 
“How can you… can you do this…” she murmured afterwards Murmured.
“You… didn’t you have sex?” I asked from the bottom of my heart. She shook her head.
But where did the sound I heard come from?
That night was so unreal to her and to me.
His disappearance is due to his sleepwalking, many people