This article is from WeChat official account:Simple psychology (ID: janelee1231)< span class = "text-remarks">, author: Lee Wai Wai, Yuning, editor: alcoholic, the original title: “” kissing Psychology “: Note kiss four points, the idea of ​​your intimate relationships,” head of FIG. : “Two Little No Guess”

Kissing is an action that hides a huge amount of information——

If you pay more attention, maybe you can “know” the hidden information of this relationship from a kiss: what is the current emotional concentration, the other party’s living habits, your match, whether there is a problem in the relationship, or even the other party Sex style.

Kiss is more than romance, it is also an efficient and direct “emotion detector”.

How important is the kiss?

In the dating stage of understanding temptation, a kiss may directly determine the survival of the relationship. It allows you to confirm who your MR Right is, and it also makes you instantly lose interest in a person who has a good impression.

Joe Gordon Gallup, a researcher in the Department of Psychology at the State University of New York at Albany, initiated a survey that included a question: “Have you found yourself attracted to someone, but the first time After kissing, you are no longer interested?”

Of the 58 male respondents, 59% answered “yes”, and 66% of the 122 female respondents answered “yes”.

In a study on the quality of kissing, some people described how a kiss inspires attractiveness: “I know he is that person.” Others said that if the kissing site or technique is particularly poor, dating The subject’s attractiveness will decrease significantly, even if he is attracted to himself in other ways: “My worst kiss was with a really handsome man, but that kiss was terrible.”

Researchers analyzed that the reason why people are so sensitive to kissing may be because kissing activates the evolutionary mechanism: kissing can help you judge the potential health and sexual attractiveness of your date, and prevent genetic incompatibility.Reproductive behavior occurs between individuals. Although there are cases showing that if you like someone very much, you would be more willing to ignore the bad kiss, but there are indeed many people who end a relationship because of their perception of the quality of the kiss.

Kiss quality: the best kiss and the worst kiss

In a paper on the quality of kissing published in the Journal of Relations Research in 2020, the researchers asked 691 adults to fill out a questionnaire and asked them to describe the “best kiss” and “worst kiss” they had experienced. Kiss”. For a good kiss, people will repeatedly reproduce its details in their minds, such as the colorful confetti and balloons that were falling around at the time. Some people feel that the kiss lasts for a whole night; and a bad kiss is even a long time ago. , It is also difficult to change the dislike for it. A girl recalled a kiss after her boyfriend finished eating garlic bread: “It’s disgusting.”

Researchers summarized these questionnaires and found that the best kiss is characterized by passion, love, expectation or surprise, rather than the actual technique of the kisser.

The factors that cause a worst kiss include: lack of spark or passion, the quality of the kiss itself (such as too much tongue or saliva), feel forced.

There is also a regretful kiss: I didn’t play well, or I thought it shouldn’t happen at all. For example, you kissed an ex-girlfriend, a colleague or boss, a friend, or someone who already has a boy/girlfriend.

After summarizing, they found that there are four factors that determine the quality of a kiss:

Physical factors: Unbearable physical factors are the prominent cause of a bad kiss. The smell, the amount of saliva, the degree of lip pressure, the technique of the kiss…all affect a kiss Key elements. Someone said that despiteI lack an emotional connection with the person who is kissing, but the kiss itself makes me feel great.

Emotional connection: A kiss without an emotional basis is as difficult as chewing a gum that has been chewed for two hours. Your feelings for the person you are kissing will affect your experience of kissing. When you fall in love with someone, you will feel that kissing him/her is the “best”, and some people will tolerate him or her because they like a person so much.

Environment: It includes both the physical environment and the interpersonal atmosphere. A romantic environment will make a kiss soar from 80 to 99, while a lack of privacy may leave you with a psychological shadow . Someone said: “When we were about to kiss, her mother came out from nowhere, and the girl I was kissing panicked.” It was already embarrassing just thinking about it.

Emotional induction: The intensity of emotions felt instantly can also make a kiss the best kiss. For example, a passionate kiss after a fight, and a passionate kiss after a long-lost reunion. Many people say that their best kiss strengthens their emotional connection, full of love, arousal, desire, and passion.

Frequency and motivation: the more intimate, the better the relationship?

Theoretically: Yes, but also consider motivation.

Kissing has two main functions: sexual arousal and maintaining emotional bonds. Studies have shown that individuals and their partners who report higher frequency of kissing also report higher sexual satisfaction(Fisher et al.)< /span>For women, if they hug and kiss their partner frequently, the frequency of reporting sexual satisfaction doubles compared with those who do not kiss frequently.

In short, if you love each other very much, the more you kiss, the better the relationship. Every kiss is an emotional warmer.

But human beings are complex. A study published in the Journal of Sex and Relations in 2017 divided the motivations of kissing into two categories: sexual/relational motivations and goal-oriented/insecure motivations. Sex/relationship motivation is that I like you and call you, so I want to kiss you; but this goal-oriented/insecure motivation is not like this, It is to relieve one’s insecurities or achieve a certain reality purpose.

Sexual/Relational Motivation(It can be understood as the “right” motivation for kissing) includes:

I want to express my love/feelings to that person

This person is very attractive

I want to start other sexual acts

It feels good

I want to feel connected with this person

I want to increase the emotional bond

This is interesting

I want to be aroused

Goal Oriented/Unsafe Motivation (it can be understood as an “improper” motivation for kissing) includes:

I was very angry with that person, so I kissed someone else

I want to be promoted and raise my salary

I want to defy my parents

I want a help

I compete with someone to “get” this person

I want to punish myself

I want to improve my reputation

I want to be a popular person

I want to hurt or humiliate someone

I want to make others jealous

If the purpose of your kissing is the latter, then “the more you kiss, the better the relationship” is the reverse: The more frequent kisses with impure motivation, the more damage the relationship. For example, it can easily be interpreted as infidelity, and this can lead to tension and breakdown of relationships.

However, the study found that the probability of a “goal-oriented/unsafe-motivated” kiss is moreMotivation is much lower. This shows that under normal circumstances, people still don’t use kisses as a tool.

So, the matter of kissing is a real honesty. If you really have such a utilitarian purpose, you still have to think twice before acting. After all, even if you really do this, it will not achieve the purpose you want, but will only hurt yourself and others.

Gender differences in kissing: You may not think about the same thing when you kiss

There are gender differences in kissing. It is very possible that when you see a man and woman kissing in the street, they have completely different things in their minds.

Girl: Maybe he will be my child’s father.

Boy: Can you have sex next?

Here are some specific gender differences:

Dear or not? Women look at their teeth, men look at their faces.

For women, an important physical feature in deciding whether to kiss someone is the appearance of their teeth. When a man decides whether to kiss a woman, he values ​​information that can provide reproductive ability: face, body, and weight.

How close is it? Women look at the taste, men look at the tongue.

Women are more likely to evaluate their partner’s kissing ability based on breath and mouth taste. Men prefer wetter kisses, more tongue contact, and open mouth kisses, which may provide subtle information about female reproductive status.

Should there be sex after the kiss? Women depend on people, but men don’t care.

Women believe that sex with a long-term partner after kissing can beAbility, greater than short-term partners.

Men believe that whether it is a long-term or short-term partner, kissing should lead to sexual behavior, and it should occur more frequently (than women think) Sex.

Men: Can I have sex without kissing? Female: Think beautiful!

More than 80% of women said that they don’t kiss or love sex. More than half of the men said that they can have sex without kissing~

Should I kiss after sex? Women: Yes! Male: No need~

Women are more likely to actively kiss after having sex. (Before, during, and after having sex, women pay more attention to kissing)

Men tend to leave in a hurry after having sex, and show emotional changes.

Is kisses so important? Women: Of course! Male: Of course…?

In long-term relationships, women not only believe that kissing is more important, but also believe that kissing is important throughout the relationship. As the relationship develops, men pay less attention to kissing.

Women are more picky when kissing and are less likely to kiss someone they know they only want to have sex with. Women also find men with poor kissing skills less attractive. Men are more likely to agree to have sex with people with poor kissing skills.

This shows that women pay more attention to kissing as a spouse assessment technique. Kissing allows women to assess the degree of commitment of their partners.

Female: You actually kissed someone! Man: Kiss you too, so don’t make a noise~

Women are more frustrated with the prospect of their partner kissing other people and more disturbed by the prospect of emotional infidelity. If their partners kiss others, they will be more jealous than men.

Men use kissing more often to try to end a fight. There is evidence that the more kisses, the easier it is to resolve conflicts. Such kisses are mainly initiated by men.

Talking to a friend yesterday about “Kissing Psychology”, her eyes widened in surprise: It is so complicated, and kissing in the future will have a psychological burden.

Actually, the matter of kissing is complicated and complicated, but in summary, it is also very simple: pure motivation, right methods, and emotions. A high-quality kiss is a genuine technique with a little bit of skill.

I wish you and your lover a high-quality kiss, and then, kiss forever~


Kendra S. Wasson Simpson et al. First, Best, Forbidden and Worst: Memorable Experiences of Intimate Kisses Among Heterosexual and SexualMinorityU.S. Adults.JournalofRelationshipsResearch(2020).DOI:

Susan M. Hughes et al.Sex Diffe