Sitting down and having a good chat is the best way to achieve empathy.
Editor’s note: This article is from the micro-channel public number “Youthology Youthology” (ID: openyouthology001), Author: home and chat with friends.
During the Chinese New Year, the editors and researchers of Youth History returned to their hometowns in Liuzhou, Xuzhou, Chongqing, Chengdu, Lanzhou, Tianjin, etc. to chat with old classmates and friends who chose to stay in their hometown.
We talked about the meaning of work, gender awareness, intimacy, marriage and parenting, ideal life state, etc. What makes us curious is, do we face different choices, difficulties, and self-perceptions when we live in different environments? How much has the material and spiritual life of young people on the frontline and non-frontline folded?
Mu Xue’s younger sister now lives in Chengdu. She said that young people like them who have chosen to return to their hometown have already made up their minds, and their parents can help provide cars and down payment, people who have a plain life. Qingdou found that in the “human society”, women need to pay more if they want to fight for their rights and interests outside of the environment; Camellia cats began to reflect on the differences and different biases in decision-making between each other through dialogue with Fa Xiaoxiao …
In these chats, we still see the differences between the stereotypes in non-first-tier and first-tier cities. For example, status and salary are important considerations for a decent job, and gender issues are not something that can be discussed “on the stage”. problem.
Picture from: “Forest B&B”
At the same time, we have also seen changes in non-first-line life options. The troubles of frontline youths also exist in the non-frontline. 996-style overtime work and rising housing prices make it difficult to buy a house; they have more and more choices of cultural life, such as offline talk shows, live houses, exhibitions and other youth cultural gathering places. It is also important to get spiritual satisfaction…
After chatting, we harvested the youth stories after stepping out of the front line, I also filled some so-called “stereotypes” with more vivid scenes and details, and a better understanding of each other’s lives and choices. The researchers who participated in the dialogue also gained feelings and reflections from different perspectives. This is the first article in the series, and will continue to broadcast stories on different topics for chatting with friends at home in the next two to three weeks. Before presenting the story, we want to share their most direct touches after talking with friends in their hometown.
Q1: During the chat, do you feel the moment of stepping out of the “stratosphere”?
“Not following the mainstream of society may be a mature expression in their eyes.”
@油茶猫 Coordinate Liuzhou
This kind of communication outside the stratosphere may come from a collision of views. During the chat, many of the views I talked about would be considered “mature” by the other party.
For example, when we talk about how to improve ourselves in their spare time, they will read e-books by buying a Kindle. I share that I have bucked the trend and returned to the state of reading paper books, because the electronic interface is easier to distract our attention. When we are used to fragmented life, deep thinking may become more and more difficult to form. His response at the time was that my point of view was very new. They had never thought about it in this way. If you think about it carefully, you will find that what I said is quite reasonable.
We also talked about “chicken baby”. He believes that the mainstream state of children’s education still has no way to escape the whirlpool of chicken babies, because he hopes to create a more worry-free growth path for children, so he will pursue a higher rate of enrollment and so on. My opinion is still different. If we can not consider the probability itself, but care about what kind of person the child wants to be and what the TA wants to do, we may reach one of the probabilities unknowingly. It’s even a state of being detached from probability.
On the one hand, he feels a little impractical. On the other hand, being a “retrograde” without people around you requires a firm mind. This may be what they mean by “mature”.
Picture from: “Forest B&B”
“A few understatement of doubts may be serious wounds in their lives.”
@青豆 Coordinates in Xuzhou
I have chatted with my uncle and aunt a few times during the Spring Festival, theyThey are all born in the 90s who have just given birth to their children, so I tried to talk to them about issues related to parenting and women. But the result of the chat ended in an embarrassing scene.
One time it was a conversation at the restaurant table. At that time, my uncle had been directing my aunt to do a lot of “miscellaneous things”, such as pour a glass of water and get a piece of paper. I asked my uncle, “Why can’t you do these things by yourself?” He replied, “Because this is what women should do. Things.” After I asked why, my uncle couldn’t answer, but just repeated the words. This way of commanding women and “taking it for granted” made me somewhat superior. I tried to ask questions, but the conversation ended without a problem.
Another conversation pointed to the topic of parenting. My aunt understood the fear of marriage and childbearing of our generation, but my uncle said that they won’t think so when they are old. I try to describe the status quo of women’s inequality to express my fear of marriage and childbearing reasons, such as: I need to make concessions in the workplace for childbearing, and take on more tasks in the later process of raising children, and so on. Uncle couldn’t listen anymore, so he picked up some food for me and told me not to continue.
I observed that when we were talking about these issues, my uncle had a feeling of resistance, but my aunt kept her head down and said nothing. I didn’t expect their reaction to be like this. After that, I began to reflect on the “roughness” of my words and how to cut into such a conversation. Because maybe the few remarks I underestimated may be serious wounds in their lives.
Q2: Are those who make different choices too naive, fail to see the reality, or brave enough to know exactly what they want?
“We need material feedback and positive external responses to support ourselves.”
@沐雪 Coordinates Chengdu
My sister actually did an internship in Shenzhen and was still studying in Nanchang, but in the end she returned to Chengdu to work 9 to 5. I think the more interesting thing is that when I asked him if he would worry about things in 5 years and 10 years, is there any plan? She said that young people like us who have chosen to return to their hometown have already made up their minds that their parents can help provide cars and down payments, and people who have a plain life.
She once described life in Shenzhen to me. She thinks Shenzhen is a prosperous city, but he lives in a village like a city close to the city. I opened the window and saw high-rise buildings. I was in But the place where he is so isolated from the city, there is no sense of connection with the city; the place where he works is also like an industrial park without a breath of life, so when he chooses to return to his hometown of Chengdu from Shenzhen, he has actually chosen Another state of life.
I think whether it is a colleague of Youthology or some other people, why can we choose some unconventional careers and stick to it?I also discussed with two other friends. One of them is a painter and the other is a writer. In the end, the reason we explored is actually very secular: there must be certain material feedback and some positive responses from the outside.
Friends who write poems feel that their works can gain some reputation in the poetry world as their spiritual support; friends who paint feel that their work is very good, and a portrait of a person is 300 yuan. At the same time, through face-to-face contact with people while painting, she can communicate directly with people, knowing a group of customers and also have very timely material feedback; these customers use her paintings as avatars or other forms, which also makes her feel His work has been recognized. I think these are very important.
For the friends of Youthology, we are not leading the lowest salary in society. Colleagues form our stratosphere at work, which makes you feel that someone is accompanied to do this together instead of deviating. course. In addition to physical space, there are many other elements that allow us to continue on this road, not to say that we can really shield all the troubles.
“The reason why we have different states now is behind two different decision-making paths, resource-oriented and development-oriented.”
@油茶猫 Coordinate Liuzhou
At the beginning of thinking about this issue, I would think about whether I was “naive” or “brave”, but now when I think about the chat process again, I feel that the results of different choices have their own reasons. These reasons It may be caused by different decision paths.
Many decisions are resource-oriented decisions—the extent to which they can use their existing resources. For example, a friend of mine who works in a bank, he chose to work in a bank because he not only matched his major, but also because he had some acquaintance resources to facilitate access to information to better assist his work.
But at the same time, they will also be restrained and restrained by this resource network: I am already in this resource network, and every decision I make is for this network Superimposition or expansion, so whether it is the information feedback from the people in this network, or the social experience learned from it, it will limit their framework for thinking about problems.
Compared to these little friends in our hometown, we seem to be making more pioneering-oriented decision-making. The more important basis is whether we like it or not, and then we will reserve material resources, social relations, and knowledge for this. In other aspects of expansion, the initiative is more in his own hands. This is more like a construction process. From the beginning of construction, self-selection takes up a large proportion, so in the subsequent construction process, it actually avoids those things that I don’t want to touch subconsciously. . So I think it isBehind the scenes, what new ideas have you discovered? What are the unexpected reflections or inspirations?
@Socks Coordinates Xi’an
Before I chat, I have a lot of anxiety. What if I choose the wrong one? What if my choice is not as good as I thought? My friend comforted me, in fact, it will not be as good as I imagined, and it is very likely to become worse. At the beginning, he didn’t expect that he would choose to do gender equality work in his hometown full-time, but he basically didn’t think about what would happen tomorrow, only how to do things well today. His experience gave me a sense of confidence to do what I want to do, and it doesn’t matter where I do it.
@油茶猫 Coordinate Liuzhou
I have always felt that no matter whether it is on the front line or not, every individual has its own difficulties. There are many things that I don’t want to do/dislike/not good at and have to do. There are also many things I don’t like and have no choice but to do. This chat again confirmed this idea. Either you can’t see the system and its own value in a huge system, or you can’t feel the happiness of the moment when you are in a “precaution in times of peace”. This may be what I perceive from the chat with my friends and can be written The dilemma expressed.
@沐雪 Coordinate Chengdu
The young people of this generation are not so worry-conscious young people. We just want to be born in euthanasia and die in euthanasia.
@小曾 Coordinates Chongqing
I feel more open now, and I can better understand the choices of my hometown partners, and I can even find some common ground. Before, I was very repulsive of the culture of my hometown and the human touch of the small city, but this time I went back and felt that it might not be as bad as I thought and it was pretty good. I was even a little bit “contracted” myself.
Picture from: “Meng Zimei, although she is a bit weird”
Finally.
We will talk about the fact that young people outside the Fifth Ring Road and those inside the Fifth Ring Road do not communicate with each other, just like the phrase “Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou does not have Jin Dong, and the fourth and fifth lines do not have Li Dan”. Outside the Fifth Ring, I don’t know what jokes are being told, what hotspots are being pursued, which APP is being used, and the Fifth Ring is ignorant about who to make friends with outside the Fifth Ring and what they are doing when they are busy. We wanted to try to break this situation, so with curiosity and questions, we chatted with friends in our hometown, and got a more realistic and three-dimensional understanding of their life choices.
The above content is the profound feelings and self-thinking of the researchers after the chat. Next, we will further develop more details and stories on topics such as work issues, gender awareness, and intimacy.
Talk about it, have you chatted with old friends in your hometown?
Edit | Green Bean, Sharon
Design | Sam
Special thanks to the partners who participated in the interview (listed in no particular order): Camellia cat, Socks, Green Bean, Xiao Zeng, Jean, Mu Xue, Jeff, Furong, Aurie