This article is from WeChat official account:Chuanyunji (ID: chuanmoyunxian) , author: Ling Duoyun, head picture from: “Nothing in My Home”
After being married for a long time, all kinds of small contradictions will inevitably appear. The main contradiction between Chuan Mo and I is “throwing things.”
Chuan Mo is a person who is particularly reluctant to throw things away. For example, he bought an ordinary wok in Malaysia in 2005, but he followed him to Vietnam, Slovakia, China and then to Japan. 16 years later, he is still lying in my cupboard today. Inside, the coating of the pot is almost gone. I bought a new pot and he still refused to throw away the old pot. He said, “It can still be used.” He completely refused to believe that the coating was off the harmful problem-I just want to think that the pot is the front of his Malaysia. His girlfriend left him a memorial.
I asked Chuan Mo, have you watched the Japanese drama “My House Is Empty”? Talk about “break away”. The heroine inside throws away the bed and chair at home. Chuan Mo said that it was sick, and that it was too late. It was not a serious “dismissal”.
Stills of “Nothing in My Home”, there is only one wall-mounted TV in the living room
Just as we were arguing over and over, the president of the Japanese Alumni Association of the National People’s University of China, Mingyin, informed the group that the alumni association had prepared an online communication course for Japanese alumni. Yamashita’s disciple Harada Chisato personally explained to everyone. Isn’t it just cloudy that someone gave an umbrella? Chuan Mo and I quickly signed up together.
On the evening of May 22, the two-hour online class gave Chuan Mo and I a new understanding of our family conflicts. Below I will also share the main points of the course content with you, everyone first arm yourself with theory, and then cut off our housework.
A screenshot of the video lesson, the middle of the upper row is Mr. Harada Chisato
“Let go of the things you don’t want, and live a life easy life~ Let’s break away in life”
The concept of breaking away
We might as well understand our body, mind, and place of residence as “space”. What they have in common is that they all have a capacity, they are easy to ingest and difficult to discharge, and there is time to pass between them. So obviously, If you can’t maintain a good metabolism, crowding, siltation, and blockage will occur, leading to physical discomfort, mental depression, and a poor living environment.
Let go of subtraction and regain vitality
Modern society is a society where individuals do addition, and others have to get what they have. Once they get it, they will never let go. Because I always compare with others, I am always in a state of anxiety and want more (this is the so-called “involution”). In this way, we are buried in the material, buried in the information, no longer have a relaxed mood, and even lost ourselves. In order to find ourselves again, let’s try to let go and do subtraction.
What is the psychology of not being able to discard things?
Throw away what can still be used = guilt
Can’t throw away the things that carry memories=attachment
Always thinking about something that might be usable in the future, others can still use = Don’t waste it
The triple suffering of excess stuff
Narrow space, busy time, exhausted energy;
When we “do not waste” things, we are really wasting our own space, time and energy.
Ms. Harada helped a Japanese housewife’s kitchen to do the housekeeping, can we follow the housewife from the front of the house just through the picture? (Top) After finishing (bottom), have you become physically and mentally comfortable? (Picture provided by Mr. Harada)
How to get rid of the triple suffering
1. Self axis: Change from taking things as the axis to taking self as the axis. Don’t worry about what things are, but think about whether they are necessary for you; p>
2. Time axis: Don’t confuse the past, the future with the present, just consider whether this thing is what you need right now;
3. Relationship: Also pay attention to the changes in the relationship between things, Maybe it was important to you in the past, but is it still the same today? This is true for things, people, and things.
Inventory of the break-off life-step out of a new stage of life
If things are reduced, one’s own space, time and energy will become richer, and spiritual space and thinking will also become richer;
If you let go and start the metabolism of life, there will be new encounters and unexpected things and interpersonal relationships.
So what exactly is severance?
Off: Don’t take in unnecessary things;
House: unnecessary things should be thrown away;
Li: Get rid of attachments and feel comfortable.
What kind of “can’t give up” type of person are you?
Let’s do a quiz first, and one point will be scored for one:
Type A
I feel that sorting and disposing of garbage is troublesome
I think I am better at tidying up than my cohabitants
Although I want to clean up, there are too many things and I was frustrated when I cleaned up
I will actively arrange to go out on rest days and rarely stay at home
Busy at school, work, playing, no time to clean up
I feel that my home is not messy
I think home is not a place to relax, but a place to put things and sleep
I think it’s troublesome to send it to the recycle bin or sell it online
I want to abandon my current house and want a new shiny house
Stay at home is very irritable
Type B
Things given by others, even if you don’t like them, keep them first
Preserving the things and photos given by previous lovers
New Year’s cards and letters are preserved for many years
Graduation albums and various photos have never been discarded
There are more than 10 books on the shelf that you will never read again
Recently bought clothes of 5,000 yen that are often worn and 5 yearsI bought clothes that cost 50,000 yuan and didn’t wear them recently. It’s a shame to throw away 50,000 yuan.
There are unsuitable and outdated clothes in the closet
More than 3 trophies, certificates and souvenirs that were presented at the time have been kept
Keep hand-held accounts from a few years ago(diary, account book)
I will continue to use the kitchen utensils I don’t like
C type
It is enough to hold multiple nail clippers, ear picking spoons, etc.
Easy to shop impulsively
One piece is 100 yen, and three pieces are 250 yen. Although I only want to use 1 piece, I bought a set of 3 pieces.
As long as you enter the supermarket or grocery store, you will not come out empty-handed
Consumables such as toilet paper and bottled water will always buy more
More than 10 various packaging bags are available
What I thought I would use, has actually been useless for a year
When you want to discard something, you think “maybe it can be used somewhere”
When throwing things away, I think “maybe I can’t buy it again”
The hotel’s disposable toiletries will be taken home
Answer: (which item has the highest score is which type) p>
A. Reality avoidance type: Don’t want to pack things, often use busyness, other things to do and need to go out as an excuse;
B. Past persistence type: Cannot abandon the glory of the past, cannot abandon the things that carry memories;
C. Future uneasy type: Worry about the future, reserve a lot of things for the future, like buying a lot of spare daily necessities.
(Find your own type and change it accordingly.)
After class results: “We all want to throw each other”
As a result of the test, I am a “realistic avoidance type”, and Chuan Mo is a “past obsessive type” and a “future uneasy type”. I can only say that we are really complementary. This classification also explains the reality of my family well. I am not reluctant to throw things, I just hate to clean up and too lazy to throw things, I hope he can do it for me, and Chuan Mo is reluctant to throw things at all.
After finishing the class, he actually found a theoretical basis for not throwing things away, that is the “self axis”, he said “These things did not exceed my space capacity, and they did not bother me. , I think it’s all useful to me, I need both”. During the interaction in class, he bullied me that I can’t speak Japanese, so he complained to the teacher about my problems, and understated his own problems, which led to me not knowing what to do with people like him. He’s really ” “Self axis” is a word “axis” for short.
Actually, he said that he did not exceed his space capacity and it made sense, because the space in my house is quite rich. In addition to the special storage room under the stairs, the kitchen cellar, and the outdoor tool room, he turned the back entrance hall into In the food library, there are a lot of unused tableware and dry goods that you don’t like. The two empty rooms on the second floor were turned into utility rooms. They were all the old things that he had brought with him since he was an adult, no matter where he was stationed to work. They were as big as printers and tickets to attractions, and some were in Japan. Old furniture. I said how did you put so many things down when you lived in a small house? He said, “I didn’t have you before, as if you were the one who occupied the most space.”
Of course, this is deliberately annoying. I moved to Japan with very few things. Five cartons were packed for the first half of my life, and two and a half cartons were books. Now they are not full in one room. It was also this cross-border move that made me realize after throwing too many things, that there is nothing I must keep.
A classmate in class asked the teacher whether to keep the previous letters, and I thought to myself: I threw it away a long time ago. A classmate asked the teacher if he should keep the diary he wrote in the past, and I thought to myself: I threw it away a long time ago. A classmate asked what to do if there are too many clothes. I thought to myself: Although I haveThrowing is so fast that I can’t cover myself, but if I want to throw any more, I still have nothing to say. I even thought about it, what if I want to throw the plants in my yard? It’s not necessarily impossible, because I just like the new and dislike the old, so I can buy it again. Anyway, you just see that I can abandon the first half of my life and move to the Japanese countryside from Beijing’s second ring road. You know that I am a ruthless person.
But I used to have a small house in Beijing, but now that it is bigger, I want to be a little more empty. I don’t have nothing to put, I want to fill it with plants, but Chuanma said, “The Japanese don’t put soiled things at home, so the big yard is not enough for you to grow?” Even so, I would rather have a house. Empty filled with sunlight and air.
What a luxurious empty room
Of course, I also have things that I should throw out, and useless documents and tickets. When I entered Japan in August last year, the notes issued by the airport were still there. I just don’t have time to clean up, or I’m reluctant to spend time, because all the time is spent (Chinese test: May I ask the first “flower” and the next “flower” “What do they mean respectively). This also caused Chuan Mo to grab my handle.
I told Chuan Mo, how about you throw me one, let me throw you one. He picked up the small crystal ball from Liechtenstein on my window sill and asked if it could be thrown away? I said yes. Although this is the only travel souvenir I brought from Beijing, because Liechtenstein should never go again in this life, but I think the memory has been kept in my mind forever, and things are actually dispensable. He picked up my watercolor painting again and asked if it could be thrown away? I said yes. Although it took me several hours to paint, as long as I still have my hands, I can paint again. Maybe I can paint better. He thinks about saying “but I still can’t throw away my things”, and then put my things back.
For our situation, the teacher said that two people still have to sit down and discuss it. I find it very difficult because we are all people with a strong “self axis”.
For this classIn the WeChat group established by the class, I said, “The problem between Kawaguchi and I is very difficult to solve because we all want to throw each other’s things”. As a result, the word “thing” was sent out by mistake without typing it. It became “We all want to throw each other”, so I accidentally said what was in my heart.
This article is from WeChat official account:Chuanyunji (ID: chuanmoyunxian) , Author: Ling Duoyun