Start by listening to others.
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Editor’s note: Many people know a truth, that is, they should learn to listen in chat. But what are the benefits of listening? Why it brings these benefits? There are actually many psychological reasons behind it. The author of this article, Matt Lillywhite, started from both the benefits and principles, and explained in the simplest language that listening is very important for us to improve the quality of our interpersonal relationships. Original title Why You Should Stop Talking About Yourself During Conversation
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In a chat, if you can stop talking about yourself, the quality of your relationships will be greatly improved. It took me a long time to understand this truth.
Why can’t everyone listen to others while chatting? A study published in Psychology Today shows that we prefer to talk about ourselves rather than others:
Talking about yourself is the same brain area that is activated when eating delicious food, taking drugs, and having sex. Simply put, self-disclosure is very satisfying, and it can excite the nerves.
Fortunately, there is an incredible way to help you build a meaningful relationship that lasts a lifetime. You just need to stop talking about yourself in the conversation and focus on the other person.
Why do you want to do this?
You will find it easier to make new friends
The secret I want to tell you is one that most people will not necessarily discover after a lifetime.
It’s very easy to make new friends, all you need to do is to listen to others while chatting. Because when you really pay attention to what other people say, they are likely to return you back.
Why is this? In most cases, most people have never listened to others when chatting. On the contrary, they always think about how to make suggestions to each other. “Harvard Business Review” (Harvard Business Review) once published an article, which evaluated the above behavior like this:
It can be said without hesitation: People generally don’t know how to listen. Many people have a pair of hearing-free ears, but they rarely have the necessary listening skills. Listening allows their ears to perform their ‘listening’ function more effectively.
I used to be a terrible listener. Looking back, I really always struggled to make new friends, and now I understand that it is inevitable. I always focus too much on myself, and I didn’t even think about letting others express their thoughts or opinions on what I said while chatting.
To be honest, I am not proud of who I was before. I want to go back to the past and change my old self, but it is obviously impossible. So, I try to learn from the past and improve my future as much as possible. This is what I can do.
Since I started to listen attentively to others in a chat, I have found it easier to meet new people and make new friends. After all, I really care what they are talking about now.
You can consider doing the same thing. For example: ask some questions about the other person; express concern about their lives and what they say. If you can do this in every chat, the quality of your social life and interpersonal relationship will be greatly improved.
People will like you more
As I said earlier, “in most cases, most people have never been able to listen to others when chatting”. This is your chance to stand out from the crowd and become a favorite chat partner. Ernest Hemingway once said:
When the other person speaks, listen carefully. Most people never listen.
My friends often say that chatting with me is very enjoyable. After all, my brain is not distracted when chatting with them—because I am not thinking about how to help them out of life’s difficulties. On the contrary, I care more sincerely about every word they say. My attention is completely focused on the other person.
Every time you talk, listen carefully to what the other person says. This will greatly improve your relationship. Because when you show interest in others, they are more likely to have the same interest in you. An article in “Psychology Today” explains this phenomenon like this:
We believe that people who have a lot in common with us are more likely to like us. Conversely, if we think that others like us, then we are more likely to like them.
Consider the following sentence: If someone cares about everything you say, then you will definitely like him; at the same time, you like self-disclosure. So, when someone is willing to listen to you sincerely, you will be very happy to talk to him.
Similarly, you also need to allow others to talk to you.
You will be more empathetic to other people’s feelings
For me, this result is a huge surprise. The satisfaction of eating chocolate is not necessarily more satisfying than this.
If there is one skill that can completely change your life, it is empathy.
Let me explain. Empathy, as the name suggests, is the ability to understand and empathize with the feelings of others. So, if you want to improve the quality of a relationship, trying to listen in the conversation is certainly a good start.
Listening allows you to better understand other people’s thoughts, allowing you to feel their feelings, think about the problems they face, and whatever they want to discuss.
So when you start to listen to others in a conversation, you will build empathy for others. Over time, it becomes very easy to build trust, intimacy, and other things vital to healthy relationships.
If you lack empathy in interpersonal relationships, then your relationship with these people is just ordinary friends at best. So, if you want to make real friends, Take a moment to feel the emotions of the other party, spend Take time to think about the other person’s thinking logic.
Although this strategy may seem simple, it will have a profound impact on your social life and relationships.ring.
Last
Like you, I also want to have a heart-warming night talk, and I also want to improve every aspect of my social life. When I started practicing these strategies, my relationships improved exponentially.
You can do the same. Because once you stop talking about yourself in a conversation, you will find it easier to meet new people and to make more friends. The quality of your conversation will be greatly improved and there will be no embarrassment at all.
Finally, I would like to quote a quote from Dale Carnegie, which perfectly sums up what I want to say:
If you always care about and become interested in others, the friends you make within two months are better than just wanting others to care about you and become interested in you. In two years There are many friends here.
Translator: Hi Tang