This article is from WeChat official account:Mr. L said (ID: lxianshengmiao), author: Lachel, head Figure from: vision China
Hello everyone.
2020 is about to pass. The plan you made at the beginning of the year…how much did you give up this year?
I don’t know how many friends, when you see this question, you will feel heartbroken?
I understand that many people should have this trouble: there are a lot of things they want to do, but they just keep dragging them and refuse to do it. Always enthusiastically set goals and make plans, but it is always three minutes of heat, and I let it go in a few days. Almost nothing can be done consistently. When encountering some difficulties, it is easy to get discouraged and frustrated…
I have a deep understanding of (Forget it, let’s not say, it’s all tears).
So, before the end of the year, write about this topic, hoping to give you some inspiration and thinking. Best, it can give you a little bit of strength to make the last tail of 2020 a more fulfilling life.
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In fact, this problem is almost accompanied by the entire human civilization. It is mentioned in the “Book of Songs”: “There is no beginning to be extravagant, but the end is little to overcome.” It can be seen that the ancients, like us, also had serious procrastination.
So, why do we always find it difficult to get things done right? What is the essence behind this?
Generally, it can be divided into two situations:
1) Lack of motivation;
2) Lack of action.
Don’t look at the difference between them, but they are very different. The former is the lack of goals, and I feel that everything doesn’t matter. You can do it or don’t do it. There is nothing special. This is what we often call “hollow heart disease”.
The latter is that you have goals and motivation, know what you want, and know what you “do”. But on the way to the goal, the ability to act is insufficient, or it is difficult to overcome one’s inertia; or it is difficult to overcome obstacles on the road.
If you belong to the former, you may wish to read these two articles: “I feel life is difficult, how do? ““I can’t find the goal and direction, what should I do? “.
In it, I explained “hollow heart disease” and the corresponding methods in detail.
So, this article will mainly focus on the latter: I know what to do, but I always hold back, what should I do?
Think about it, what are your performance and feelings when you lack mobility?
Obviously, I have made a plan. I will memorize words/fitness/write codes today, but there is always a voice in my heart saying: It’s so troublesome, I don’t want to move, it doesn’t matter if I don’t do it for a day…
Looking at the scheduled task getting closer and closer to the deadline, I became distracted, and I became more reluctant to think about it. I simply waited until the deadline was approaching, and then finished it in one breath, regardless of whether it was done well.
In the face of some difficult things, I always feel afraid of it before I start doing it. I keep thinking “Will it be difficult?” “What if I fail?” These thoughts linger in my mind, let You have been reluctant to do it.
……
These phenomena, we generally call them “lazy”.
However, this simple method of labeling is notour aim. Why are some people always full of action in the same situation, but some people have been unable to make progress? What causes “laziness”? And how to change it?
This is what we want to think about.
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We know that: the brain always seeks advantages and avoids disadvantages. It can save energy as much as possible, so as to minimize energy consumption and expenditure.
Therefore, when we face some relatively long-term, arduous and complex challenges, the brain will predict them, believing that they will cause a large amount of energy consumption, and thus generate repulsion and hinder our footsteps.
This kind of rejection is manifested in perception, which is a variety of negative emotions. For example:
Worry: Worrying that future challenges will cause us losses;
Anxiety: There is huge uncertainty about the possibility of the future, and it is difficult to judge;
Frustration: I feel that things are beyond my control, I feel powerless;
……
This creates a “dilemma”. Difficulties often do not come directly from the challenge itself, but from our fear of the challenge.
In 1981, German psychologist Kuhl discovered that when people face challenges and difficulties, there are two different coping strategies.
The first type: This predicament is so terrible, I have to act quickly, change it, and get out of the predicament.
The second kind: This dilemma is terrible. I have to adjust my state and wait until my state is better, and then solve it in one breath.
Kuhl refers to the first mentality as “action orientation” (Action orientation), and the second mentality as “state orientation” (State orientation).
You can see: What is the difference between the two? Their beliefs are different.
The former will think: To get out of the predicament, only through action. Therefore, I must act quickly, through my actions, to reduce uncertainty, reduce worries and anxiety about the future, reduce negative emotions, and overcome this challenge.
The latter believes that to get out of the predicament, it can only be achieved through “good performance.” But good performance requires good condition. I am not in good condition now, so I am not suitable for action. I should wait until I am in a better shape before doing “good performance”.
The former focuses on the process: I have 100 steps to the goal, even if I only take 1 step, it is a victory; the latter focuses on the result: I have to use the least number of steps to reach the goal, then I will One step must be long enough; if it cannot be done, it is better not to do it.
It is obvious: When we say that a person is “lazy” and feel that he is “lack of action”, which mentality do we often belong to? State-oriented.
In other words: Is this person really lazy? Actually not. He may just subconsciously agree with a belief:
In order to guarantee results, I must be in a good state. Therefore, it is not suitable for action now, and I will wait until I am in good shape before acting.
So, don’t label yourself, and don’t label other people, these are actually traces to follow.
So, why are there these two different coping strategies?
Simply put: when you have an intention and want to do something, this intention constitutes a motivation; and when you encounter challenges and produce various negative emotions, these negative emotions form a resistance.
Power and resistance wrestle and conflict with each other, which constitute the “dilemma” mentioned above.
So, how to get out of this dilemma? This requires the participation of another system: Implicit self system(Implicit self).
What is the implicit self system? Simply put, it is a huge self-system formed by a person’s various experiences, beliefs, feedback and knowledge in his past experience.
In daily lifeIn our lives, we will not actively think of them; but when we face similar situations, this implicit self system will be activated.
You can understand this as: This implicit self system is essentially a person’s “learned experience” from past experiences, including successful experiences, practices, feelings after success, and feedback from others And sure, wait. It is equivalent to a “toolbox” of our brain.
Kuhl’s research found that when a person’s implicit self system is activated, it will bring positive emotions, thereby diluting negative emotions and helping motivation to win in the “power-resistance” game. (Kuhl, 2000 & Koole & Coenen, 2007)
Further research found: (Koole & Coenen, 2007)
For “action-oriented” people, their implicit self system is often activated at the same time with external difficulties and threats, so as to provide them with sufficient action to overcome this dilemma;
Conversely, for “state-oriented” people, their implicit self system often experiences a long delay before being activated. As a result, they are easily deterred by the immediate predicament and cannot move forward.
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So, why is there such a difference? For status-oriented people, what are the reasons for their “delay”?
Here, two reasons are involved.
One aspect is physiological factors. The study found that (Schlüter et al., 2018): State-oriented people tend to have larger amygdala in their brains, which is more sensitive. , They will be more likely to pay attention to external stimuli and be more likely to beChallenges from the outside world are “scared”.
In other words: instead of paying attention to “own experience”, their attention will be more on external stimuli.
You will find that this is consistent with procrastination: state-oriented people are more likely to feel fear from the outside world, so they are more inclined to postpone and procrastinate to avoid possible threats.
Psychologist Perpetua Neo believes: Basically, the fear centers in the brains of procrastination patients are stimulated much more often. And because work is full of challenges and threats, they always tend to procrastinate in order to avoid fear as much as possible.
The other hand is the psychological factor.
Think about it: When a group of friends gather for a meal, are you the one who says “anything” or “anything”, or the one who volunteered to order?
The department has a meeting, and the leader asks “What do you think?” Are you the one who makes decisive suggestions, or the one who first sees what everyone says?
Studies have found that action-oriented people often need to “autonomously” make decisions as they grow up. Over time, they will link external threats with autonomy and build a strong sense of self-efficacy:
I can make independent decisions to deal with this threat.
This kind of self-efficacy will drive them to pay more attention to their hearts when facing challenges, and make themselves “more confident”.
Conversely, what is the most common response of state-oriented people when faced with challenges and threats? Avoiding, procrastinating, indecisive, and, turning to others for help, seeking outside instructions and help.
In other words: Action-oriented people, because they often need to make decisions independently, this habit will form positive reinforcement, making them more accustomed to thinking about “what do I want” “I Think what to do”.
However, state-oriented people are more likely to think about “what would others do in this situation?” when they encounter problems, so that they will continue to stay in the hesitation and hesitation, making it difficult to take a step .
The difference in this step is often a huge gap.
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Okay, combined with the above, let us summarize for the time being.
We might as well label the three stages of “no challenge → face the challenge → solve the challenge” according to the brain’s anticipation and feelings of them, and mark them as:
“1 is comfortable → 2 is uncomfortable → 3 is comfortable”.
So, for action-oriented people, they will pay more attention to the 2→3 stage.
They will think like this: “As long as I solve 2, there will be Broad Road.” Moreover, they have enough autonomy and self-efficacy to support themselves through stage 2.
On the contrary, state-oriented people are more likely to pay attention to the 1→2 stage.
What they think is: “I want to minimize my energy consumption, so I can not touch this 2 or this 2”.
At the same time, they often lack a sense of self-efficacy, which leads them to think about “How do others do?” “What should I do so that I don’t make mistakes?”-This has led to further It is easy to be hesitant in the face of challenges.
In other words:
Action-oriented people: often make decisions independently, form positive reinforcement, and build a high sense of self-efficacy; at the same time, they have a lower sensitivity to external stimuli, making them less likely to be intimidated. The combination of the two makes it easier for them to mobilize their “implicit selves” and are more inclined to overcome obstacles through action.
State-oriented people: Lack of autonomy leads to their tendency to get support from others; at the same time, they tend to over-magnify external threats. This causes them to pay too much attention to the “outside” and “others”, and the “self” appears very small in front of these things and is unable to overcome difficulties.
This difference in mentality and belief is the culprit that keeps us immersed in the quagmire of avoidance and delay.
Further, you will find that this effect will be stronger for introverts and highly sensitive people.
Why?
I said in the previous article: The “fault avoidance circuit” in the brain of introverts will be sharper, and when encountering stimuli, they will be more likely to think of negative experiences and avoid repeating the same mistakes-this is the state-oriented “How can I not make mistakes” is consistent.
Similarly, highly sensitive people are more sensitive to external stimuli and are more likely to enter “deep rumination”. As a result, they are more likely to “over-amplify” external stimuli and threats, thereby making themselves stagnant.
Therefore, you will find that extroverts tend to be more “immediate” and more active, but they are also prone to impulsiveness and hasty; on the contrary, introverts and sensitive people tend to think more comprehensively and plan ahead. However, the ability to act is generally weak, prone to delay and miss opportunities.
These are all connected to each other in the underlying logic.
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So, if you are a state-oriented person, what practical tips can help you change this situation?
Share a few effective exercise methods. They may not be able to achieve immediate results, but if you persist, they will definitely change.
1. Practice making your own decisions
As mentioned earlier: Most state-oriented people have the habit of “getting instructions from the outside world”, that is, when encountering problems and making decisions, they like to observe and consider “what others will do” instead of “how I want to do it” “. This is an intensive process.
Therefore, an effective way to exercise is to make more decisions by yourself.
Try it: When you encounter a situation where you need to make a decision next time, stop saying “anything” or “anything”, and don’t ask others “you decide”. Be decisive and make your own decision.
In this way, to exercise self-efficacy.
Of course, this is not to say that you have to be arbitrarily or disregarding other people’s opinions, but: don’t give up the decision-making initiative. On the basis of comprehensive thinking, let yourself be the one who decides.
You can start with some simple scenes that will not have negative effects. (for example: dinner Where to eat, where to have friends to play and take him), and then slowly improve to more complex and difficult scenes.
The brain will record every action you take, and adjust itself according to itWhole. Therefore, every time you make a decision and get feedback from the results, it is an exercise and affirmation of your brain.
It can continuously stimulate and enrich our “hidden selves”, and increase the possibility and frequency of our stimulating it.
Over time, you will become more confident. When you face challenges, you will also have more sufficient action to help you overcome challenges.
2. Do the hard things first
Many times, we tend to be afraid of difficult things and tend to do peripheral and easy things. While doing it, tell yourself: I don’t do nothing, I still do serious things…
But in fact, the really important tasks have not been pushed forward.
This will lead to: The fear and pressure brought by the challenge have not been alleviated. It will be lurking in your brain, constantly occupying your background cognitive resources, causing rumination and load, and consuming your energy and energy. (see:Why are you so tired every day?)< /p>
To change this phenomenon, you must be aware of the existence of this problem and correct your habit: do the most difficult thing first, you don’t have to overcome it, but at least you have to “make progress.”
This can bring two results:
1) By getting in touch with difficult things, the brain can greatly reduce the uncertainty about it, thereby removing it from the background of the brain and avoiding the “Chiconi effect”.
2) By taking action and getting feedback from it, the brain can feel more of stage 3 in “1 comfortable → 2 uncomfortable → 3 comfortable”. Thus, the focus of the brain is guided from “1→2” to “2→3”.
So, I like a classic timeIntermediate management skills, called “eating frogs”, are: every day, give priority to the most important, most difficult, and most arduous thing. It is not necessarily the longest time-consuming, but it must be the one you most repel and want the least to touch.
When you are done, you will feel refreshed even if you just take a step forward. Do other things, you will be more motivated.
3. Exercise active procrastination
There are two kinds of procrastination, one is called active procrastination and the other is called negative procrastination.
What is the difference between them? Give a simple example to help you understand:
There is an important task to be handed in on Friday. You have been dragging it and not thinking about it. On Friday, you have to “catch the duck to the shelves” to do it, and hand it in in a hurry, leaving behind a bunch Vulnerabilities and problems. This is negative procrastination.
There is an important task to be handed in on Friday. You first figure out and figure out the most difficult aspects, and then put them there. Wait until Friday, and then do it in one go to reduce unnecessary thinking. And anxiety, get it done in one breath. This is positive procrastination.
To put it simply, the difference lies in the fact that proactive procrastination is very clear about “how to do this,” but instead of doing it now, it’s approaching the deadline.
In this way, on the one hand, it can minimize the time and energy spent on it, on the other hand, it can put appropriate pressure on the brain, so that the brain can “full power” under pressure, and slowly adapt to this rhythm .
Note: Not only will moderate stress not cause damage, it will increase the flexibility and endurance of the brain. Of course, the meaning of moderation is: the pressure can not be too much, not too long, it is best to control it within the range of “you know you can handle it”.
This is equivalent to a kind of brain exercise, exercise it to adapt to stress.
You will find that active procrastination and the second point “do the difficult things first” are actually the same: first get through the most difficult steps, and then consciously leave it until the deadline is approaching. Then, you can Keep the pressure within an appropriate range and continuously strengthen your sense of self-efficacy.
4. Create an external brain toolbox
As mentioned earlier: When we face challenges and pressures, a rich and complete “implicit self” can often help meWe provide motivation and inject confidence and energy into us.
However, most of the time, the implicit self of the state-oriented person is relatively weak, what should we do?
At this time, you might as well give it a try and use the form of “second brain” to construct this implicit self.
Simply put: it is to externalize our past experience, experience, achievements, as well as the affirmation, recognition and assistance obtained from others, into the notes, making it a “toolbox for the brain to take and use. “.
So, I have always advocated recording and reviewing, and that’s why.
On the one hand, keeping a good record and reviewing can make you more aware of your daily life and growth, and help you build a complete autobiographical memory; on the other hand, the information you have recorded , When you need it, it can also be your precious motivation.
You may wish to pay more attention to recording these contents in peacetime:
How do I do this well? In this process, what difficulties did I face, what actions did I take, and what experience did I gain?
What have I gained today? What did I learn, what did I think of? Compared with my past self, where have I grown?
What kind of feedback and support have I received from others? Are there any words that warm people’s hearts and give me strength that can inspire and support me?
You can also refer to: This article, to explain the “replay” p>
5. Take the panoramic thinking method
I will roughly divide my daily work into two parts: panoramic thinking and specific implementation.
When thinking in a panoramic view, I will do several things:
1) Outline a picture for the future. Let yourself imagine: what will happen if this thing is done? What kind of state would i bestate? What can it bring me?
In this way, provide motivation and passion for yourself and help yourself “calibrate your goals.”
2) Break down the difficult task: What are the small steps to complete this thing? These small steps can be broken down into which smaller steps?
This step can effectively make the “difficult challenge” “less difficult”, thereby reducing its threat to you and reducing resistance.
3) Digest, deal with and eliminate anxiety. For every worrying thing, I will think: What is its worst result? How likely is it to happen? What can I do to minimize this possibility?
Then, in the specific implementation, let yourself “don’t use your brain”, just bury your head and do it. Things that require brainstorming, save it until the “panorama” time, and then do it.
This can effectively help you block negative emotions, so that they will not affect and interfere with your actions.
6. Keep accumulating a sense of accomplishment
I have said in many articles: What is the key point to make yourself more positive, more confident, and more passionate?
It is to build a positive cycle, so that you can constantly feel the rewards of “action-positive feedback” to strengthen yourself.
So, you might as well try to spend more time every day in your life and work, and do something that can give you positive feedback.
For example:
Help others a favor and answer their confusion;
Share your own thoughts and experiences, and make your own voice;
Even the simplest way is to show kindness to others and release some positive and positive signals…
All of these can help you to continuously absorb energy in an ordinary and boring life.
When you face challenges, these energies will become your powerful backup.
This article is from WeChat official account: said Mr. L (ID: lxianshengmiao) , author: Lachel