This article is from WeChat official account:DT Finance (ID: DTcaijing)< span class="text-remarks">, author: Zheng Xiaohui, the title picture comes from the movie “The Lost Lovers”
Every day I open the persuasion group on Douban, and I can see many posts asking for persuasion. One of the situations that troubles many people is that their significant other suddenly broke up without warning.
Picture source: Douban
This way of breaking up is called “cliff breakup”. Many people who post can’t figure out: Why did they say good night to each other on WeChat the day before, and then broke up the next day when they said they broke up? Did the breakup happen suddenly?
The answer is probably not.
According to the research of “PNAS” (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences), many breakups seem to be sudden, but in fact they have been “premeditated”— -Judging from the posts on the social platform Reddit, as early as 3 months before the breakup, people’s language habits began to change.
What’s the sign of the breakup? How to tell from social platforms whether a person has the idea of breaking up? After breaking up, how do you judge whether a person has let go of the relationship? The study has summarized 4 characteristics for your reference in advance.
Before and after the breakup, would you use “me” or “us”?
In order to better analyze people’s language changes from before the breakup to after the breakup, the researchers selected 6,800 users who announced the breakup on the social platform Reddit asResearch subjects and tracked more than 1 million posts published by them from one year before the breakup to one year after the breakup.
Users on Reddit are basically anonymous. Compared to social acquaintances like “Delete the news once you break up” like Moments, the love story on Reddit is relatively complete, with about 83% of users going It carefully records the process of breaking up and the changes after the breakup.
The first finding of the research is that when a person wants to break up, the language becomes more “self-oriented”, that is, the first person “I” is more often used when writing.(I), the frequency of use is much higher than “we” (We), the former is about the latter 8 times.
This change began as early as three months before the breakup, reached its peak during the week of the breakup, and slowly returned to normal levels until two and a half months after the breakup.
Combined with other research findings, frequent use of the word “I” usually represents a person’s focus on self or frustrated thoughts. When a person is more sad and disappointed in his relationship, the more he wants to withdraw from the relationship and hide in his own world, the more he likes to use the word “I”.
In contrast, the use of the word “we” is much simpler. If you remove all posts related to “relationship” on Reddit, the increase of the word “we” will be greatly reduced. . In other words, only when talking about a relationship, people will use the word “we” to describe it.
People use the word “we” very low, but it will increase 2 weeks before the breakup. After all, before the relationship ends, everyone will look back at the good times they once had and record the journey along the way. Changes, and strive to draw a perfect end to it.
Once the relationship breaks down and people become single again, there is no need to use “The word “we”.
Analytical thinking will be reduced, and it will be easy to fall into self-doubt
Analytical thinking is similar to rational thinking and can be simply understood as logical reasoning to a problem. The study found that people’s analytical thinking skills will drop significantly one month before the breakup is officially proposed, and it will drop to the bottom in the week of the complete breakup. It will not return to the baseline level until about 6 months after the breakup. .
On the surface, breaking up can be very simple, as long as a phone call and a WeChat can be solved, but in fact, the psychological activities before breaking up are long and complicated, and the impact at the moment of breaking up is also huge. As a result, people can’t eat, sleep, and even lose ten catties in just two weeks.
The temporary offline of this kind of rational thinking also means that people are easily immersed in emotions and understand the truth clearly, but there is no way to cheer up immediately. Many people will lose confidence in their relationships and dare not talk about the next relationship, and some will even fall into self-doubt or even self-aggression.
The most common thing is to take all the problems to oneself and feel that everything was fine in the beginning, but now the reason why I have come to the step of breaking up is all my own fault: “It must be something I did not do well. , I’m all to blame.”
The cognitive processing is significantly improved, and efforts are made to send out a “distress” signal
Everyone has things they don’t understand or don’t understand. When we think over and try to understand these things, it is the process of our brain’s cognitive processing. The iconic words that can recognize cognitive processing are usually instructive, such as “understanding” and “meaning”, or can reflect causality, such as “because” and “result”, and some such as “feeling” and “should”. word.
After counting all cognitive words, it can be found that when people face a breakup, the trend of analytical thinking is to first fall and then rise, while cognitive processing is just the opposite, the trend is first rise and then fall. 3 months before the breakup, peopleWe will begin to use cognitive vocabulary more frequently and in a large amount. After the breakup, this language habit will continue for about 6 months, and about 9 months before and after.
On Reddit, the more common vocabulary and sentence patterns are: “I’m not sure if I should share my story, I need some help because I feel very confused, but my story is very long and I’m not sure about the value. Not worth sharing.”
It can be seen that although the breakup was “planned” in advance, it still broke everyone’s expectations. After all, love may end eventually, but almost no one is rushing to break up to start a relationship, whether it is the party who proposed the breakup or the party who was broken up, will feel confused about this.
Only when their brains finally accept that the relationship is over, they will start to stop being confused, rebuild the order of their lives, and reduce the frequency of cognitive vocabulary use.
The sequelae of a breakup may be more serious than expected
Although many studies have shown that writing down your bad emotions can help you reflect on how to improve these situations and make yourself positive and happy again. But in the matter of breaking up, writing too much may lead to more serious sequelae of breaking up.
If a person only writes relevant content on Reddit for 1 to 4 days after breaking up, his analytical thinking will return to the baseline after 2 months; but if he writes for more than 5 days or even longer, It will take him about 6 months to regain his rationality, and one year after the breakup, it is still lower than the original level.
It’s not difficult to understand: After a breakup, someone got drunk, slept for three days, then gritted his teeth and walked forward again; this seems ruthless, but the sooner you say goodbye to the past, the more it helps to start my ownIn the new life, reason will be brought back online; and those who have been trapped in grievances and depression, on the contrary, it is easy to really sink down.
But the causal mechanism may also be completely opposite-the current social platform is not only a witness of contemporary romance, but also a cyber scene that needs to be manually cleaned up after a breakup. Blocking, deleting, blocking…These are the iconic operations of breaking up. In case you can’t help it, the Internet is also very “intimate” ready to let you (Secretly) Add the other party back.
The hardest thing after breaking up is not to get yourself drunk while crying, but to look through the previous photo album uncontrollably in the middle of the night, knowing that you will never receive news Being repeatedly immersed in the illusion of the past will only bring more side effects and make yourself unable to extricate yourself.
write at the end
Some people say that young people of our generation seem to have a special understanding of love.
Especially in the Internet age, love seems to have formed such a process: when the heart is moved, you must share a song that can represent your mood as a footnote; when you are together, you must send a group photo to announce the world; every holiday, you must Do your homework in advance and prepare a gift that will not make the other person angry.
But on the other hand, after the passion, it is difficult for young people to maintain a stable and long-term intimacy; even after watching a hundred love movies and knocking countless cps, once they return to reality, they still don’t know what to do To love someone, and don’t know how to respond to someone’s love.
From the above research results, emphasizing “I” is an important feature of a breakup, so it is not difficult for us to understand why contemporary young people are more and more difficult to maintain a long-term relationship-they are more and more concerned Individual happiness.
In a sense, this is respect for the subjectivity of the individual, but if it is placed in a relationship, the paradox is that it is a matter of two people. Whether it is to express love or express dissatisfaction, both parties are required. Participate together, keep running in, and go through the barriers hand in hand.
But who has stipulated that young people must maintain a close and long-term relationship in order to be happy?
This article is from WeChat official account:DT Finance (ID: DTcaijing), author: Zheng Xiaohui