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In the near future, “China’s marriage rate has hit a new low in nearly 10 years” on Sina Weibo. The young people today are not married. According to data from the National Bureau of Statistics and the Ministry of Civil Affairs, the marriage rate in 2018 is only 7.2 ‰. China’s single population has reached 240 million, accounting for about 17% of the total population.

There are many people who are taking turns, and they are so happy. “Marriage wants to buy a house, buy a car, I don’t have money now.” “I don’t think it’s worthwhile. I have to give the man a free babysitter after marriage. I live in a house without your name and say “three or four”. “Coming together, not agreeing” “Low-quality love is not as good as high-quality singles.”

So, many young people are now: staged desire to love, continuous stay single.

A person who has been single for a long time still wants to take off the order?

Aurora Big Data “2019 Single Population Research Report” shows that 47% of single men and women are willing to go out, only18%Immediately want to take off the order. 16% think, and 8% of the population want to stay single.

The White Paper on China’s Pet Industry in 2018 discloses the scale of China’s pet (cat and dog) consumer marketIt reached 170.8 billion, a year-on-year increase of 27%. The white paper also shows that the prosperity of the provinces and cities is directly proportional to the city with the largest number of people living alone.

Love, seems to be this The luxury of the times.

Northern (a pseudonym), male, 32 years old, single for 3 years, the last paragraph of love because the two sides do not break up. He believes that the key reason for being single is that no one is willing to take responsibility between men and women. The girl wants to find a boyfriend who protects herself and is versatile. The boy also wants to find a gentleman who does not have a temper and has a temper, and the girlfriend is very eager to follow. This leads both parties to pay close attention to themselves, no People are willing to pay.

Vivienne (a pseudonym), female, 31 years old, single for 2 years, the last love was broken because of the male family. She felt that it was too difficult to talk about a love, and the work pressure was great. Love is a matter of two people, marriage is a matter of two families.

Compared with the parents, the economy is not so developed, the information communication is not convenient, and the gap between people is not big. Everyone seems to live a similar life, earning almost the same money, living in a similar house, after marriage. If it is not a matter of principle, most people will turn love into a family relationship, and peace and stability will last forever. Even if some couples are noisy for a lifetime, but for the children to have a complete home, they are willing to make do with it, and never neglect the divorce. Of course, there is no shortage of people who fall in love with a person, guarding a city, holding hands, and turning their days into poems and paintings.

Some young people think that the generations of their parents are not happy. At that time, the geographical mobility was poor. Most of them were guarding a city and a pool. There was not much room for choice. Basically, it was a gang to live together and it would last a lifetime. Some people also believe that the generation of parents is very happy, and people do not care about factors such as identity, education, family, etc. Marriage is simple and timeless. This generation of people in the first-tier big cities in the north, Guangzhou, and Shenzhen, the economic independence of men and women, the pursuit of soul mate, the pursuit of self-realization and satisfaction. As a result, both sides have thought about a perfect her/he, and as long as this she/he does not meet her own standards, she is not willing to further contact.

Single men and women can’t afford it

The advantage of being single is that you have more time to get along with yourself;The downside of singles is that you have more time to get along with yourself.

In the process of getting along with yourself, you have to face the wind and rain at work alone. The loneliness and anxiety in your heart cannot be with your family and friends.It is said that there are times when WeChat has already played a long paragraph of text and wants to spit it out, but it is silently deleted, fearing to disturb everyone. We may have not tried to approach and care for a person for too long, because we are the one who needs to be cared for.

In fact, many people want to meet someone who can listen to their own voices and jointly resist the pressure in life. In the bones, I long for love and be loved, why is it still single?

Middle-aged single women can’t afford it

In the 1990s, on the basis of past studies, black American female scholar Crenshaw proposed a cross-disciplinary theory, stating that discrimination and oppression of women are caused by the overlapping of various social factors and social identities.

In reality, once a woman is 30, she will be under pressure from age and gender. In the job interview, in addition to routine investigations such as professionalism and personality orientation, it is often seeming to inadvertently add a question “Do you have a boyfriend now? When are you going to get married?”

The reason for this problem is that women not only assume the role of the workplace, but also bear the “wife” and “mother’s role”, and these two roles lead many women to spend a lot of energy on their families after marriage. .

Unmarried single women want to love and not dare to love. On the one hand, falling in love with a person, from marriage to pregnancy to having children, takes at least two years, and the energy involved in these two years almost announced the “death penalty” in the workplace; on the other hand, with highly educated graduates Year by year, in order to improve competitiveness, single women have to work hard before marriage to obtain a “moat river” to ensure that they can keep up with the development situation and work after marriage.

Especially under the gender difference, some older single women are labeled as “female man”, “not gentle”, “only busy with career and not care about home”, which makes many girls more rational and restrained in love.

So, more and more women tend to “follow the edge”, unless they are particularly suitable for all aspects of personality, work, and education, they will not fall in love easily.

“Male looking down, women looking up “The reason”

In Japan, across the sea from China, as of 2015, single men between the ages of 30 and 34 accounted for 47.1%, and those between the ages of 35 and 39 were as high as 35.0%.

Part of the reason is that Japanese men think that they are like money-making machines after marriage, and the expenses of the family are all borne by themselves. There is no freedom.Words. According to the Japanese Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, the proportion of full-time housewives in Japan in 1997, 2007, and 2017 was 49.3%, 45.7%, and 35%, respectively.

In Japan, the annual income of 3 million yen (about 180,000 yuan) is considered to be a threshold for marriage. Men who do not reach this income are inferior in love, while high-income women do not see those low-income men, leading to singles becoming the norm.

In this regard, Japanese sociologist Arakawa Aki believes that “the high rate of singles in Japan is directly linked to economic factors. After the collapse of the Japanese bubble economy, wages of wage earners have been declining.”

The annual income is very closely related to the unmarried rate – the less income a man has, the easier it is to be single, and the higher the income of a woman, the easier it is to be single.

In addition, some domestic and foreign medical experts believe that the best childbearing age for women is 24-29 years old, which causes some older boys to be unwilling to reach girls of the same age, but when they communicate with girls who are much smaller than themselves, they feel the generation gap. . As a result, the relaxed chat became a temptation, the temptation became a jealousy, and the result of jealousy became impossible.

It can be seen that men and women play different roles in society, causing people’s expectations of male instincts to be successful and responsible for the family, while for women, the birds are required to be human, good wife and good mother.

Therefore, most men are looking for a woman who is close to or weaker than her own academic qualifications, income, family, etc., while women expect to find a man who is better than each other. This is the usual place. Said “men looking down, women looking up.”

However, as women become more economically independent, they are reluctant to marry a “living person”, preferring to be single and not willing to make a lifetime.

AAC model to help you get out of the single state

Although it is a minority, but what do you want to take off, how can you do it? Here is an A (attract) A (action) C (cultivate) model, I hope to give you some help.

Attraction

Attract, the first impression is crucial.

The image you care about in your eyes will enter the brain through his vision and influence his judgment on you in the subconscious. Therefore, we must be prepared for the fate. Sometimes, inadvertently, you will meet true love. In 1924, heConrad Hilton, the founder of the hotel chain, fell in love with the “red hat” of his five-row seat in the church. After the prayer, he chased the church and asked for a “red hat” contact. Later, he married the “red hat.”

Research shows that the law of love attraction lies in similarity. This similarity does not mean that extroverted and introverted personality can not attract each other, but refers to similar backgrounds, hobbies, tastes, and similar interests. This will give the two first-time visitors a sense of sight and two, and the two will be easier to get along with in the future.

What is the like-mindedness and looking directly at each other? Let the bias.

A lot of people will set a frame for the other half, and when they actually meet, there will often be a situation of “seeing death”. In fact, it is not “seeing death”, is it that you are willing to accept the imperfection of the other party with an inclusive attitude. Some people even looked for a circle and then looked back at the people they had missed. It was only because he discovered that no one completely met his requirements, thus reducing his expectations.

There is a saying that if you are the opposite sex, do you think you will marry yourself?

This means that you will assume the type of your favorite person and your similarity. If the similarity is high enough, it means that you are calling. Some people will change their personality and cater to the type of “He is in his heart”. In fact, this is a manifestation of self-confidence.

“Being someone else” can attract the attention of others in a short time, but the character and self-cultivation in one’s bones will be exposed over time, and you can’t control all the details.

Like a person, starting with a value, respecting talent, being in a character, being a good character, and finally being a character.

The character, you need to get in touch slowly, you need to experience things together, which has nothing to do with education, work, whether there is a house.

Expression

I believe many people have had a crush experience. Countless lonely nights, brushing his circle of friends over and over again, the road he walked, the people he met, the songs he had heard, his experiences, and the backwardness of his experience, you interpret his mood like a quiz.

As one song sings: “All your movements, my vision, you are my poem, you are not tired of reading you thousands of times.” Unlike the mood expressed in the song, you just stay at I read him over and over again, but did not act. Even if you dream of thousands of scenes with him, thousands of kinds of dialogues, you even wear clothes when he asks you.I think about it. However, you still can’t get him. Because, you can’t confess.

Don’t dare to confess for two reasons.

1. Confession will not necessarily succeed, and it will be deleted by the other party. Then, the kite will be completely disconnected.

2. How can the goddess/goddess like me, but the confession is just a humiliation.

These are all self-settings – the confession will definitely fail. But the reality is, you don’t know if he likes or dislikes you. If you know that he likes you, don’t you dare to confess?

In fact, the confession has no loss for you. If it fails, it means that you have no fate. If you have more reluctance, it will not be useful. It is better to open the next paragraph as soon as possible. Failure is not necessarily that you are not good. It may be that he is not suitable for you. If it is not suitable, you will not be happy together and will break up. If the confession is successful, it means that he is also in love with you, but he is also suffering from the same loss as you.

So, love must act now and be brave enough to speak. Action.

Cultivate

Some young people have lost the ability to love. They are eager for love intermittently, and they continue to fear love, because they are afraid of not communicating after meeting, fear of disappointment after understanding, and fear of being disappointed after paying their heart. So, I dare not take the first step and keep being single.

It’s easy to love each other and it’s difficult to get along. After the stage of love at first sight or long-term love and confession, the next step is cultivate, the stage of cultivating love. This stage plays a decisive role in whether two people can finally enter the marriage hall.

First, recognize the role.

We play different roles more or less in life and work. We are workers, friends, children, family members, calligraphy lovers… The difference in roles drives us to make different behavior. In the face of the other half, what role do we want the other party to play? Some people want the other party to act as a listener, the pressure they encounter at work, whining, and it is comfortable to say it; some people want the other party to act as a consultant and can’t find a better countermeasure? If the other half can use a rational analysis to ease my stress, I feel that there is a way forward. The worst way is that both sides are complaining.

Second, control emotions.

It’s not enough to have companionship. Only we can “know” our emotions. Everyone comes from different families, different growing environments, different social circles, and we will resonate with others in some aspects. However, in this world, there are no two identical leaves, and there are not so many “feelings.” The key to controlling emotions is to build empathy.

Daniel Gorman, Ph.D., Ph.D., Harvard University, once said: cognitive empathy, the ability to understand the situation of others; emotional empathy,