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Learning how to express your own emotions and get angry with your temper is an important lesson for people in the workplace to learn.

Editor’s note: This article is from WeChat public account “LinkedIn” (ID: LinkedIn- China), the author of the book.

In the workplace, everyone may be a “gunpowder barrel” ready to go.

In the workplace, it is inevitable that there will be emotions, and the emotions suppressed by the workplace may break out at any time.

With Chuan Shinyuki, mentioned in “The Power of Organizing Emotions”:

“Angry is a superficial phenomenon that hides emotions that cannot be expressed by loneliness, loneliness, sadness, self-loathing, uneasiness, etc.

People who cover up the real emotions on weekdays will turn these emotions into anger once they encounter a little chance.

Inappropriate anger will affect normal work, but people who “get the wrong temper” are the darlings of the workplace.

Learn how to express your own emotions. Getting your temper correctly is an important lesson for people in the workplace to learn.

01 After all, Why are we angry and angry?

A painstakingly written report for two weeks, the boss took a look and then smothered me.

The project with colleagues is going well, but he took all my credit away.

Exhaustedly sitting on the subway home, an aunt squeezed in front of him and accused me of not giving up.

……

My heart beats faster, my blood rushes to my head, and I want to beat people.

Yes, I am angry, this world is really too irritating.

However, why do people get angry and lose their temper?

In essence, it is because the feeling of self is hurt.

The boss yelled at me, I felt that my efforts were not cherished, so I felt very hurt.

Second, insecurity caused by worries, worries, etc., is also an important reason why many people get angry.

The results of the cooperative project were taken away, which may lead to more difficult roads for promotion in the future. I feel angry when I feel insecure.

The third and most “everyday” reason:The omnipresent misunderstanding between people.

Aunt thinks that I don’t let her seat respect her, and I feel tired after a day’s work, and I’m accused of being rude…

This type of misunderstanding is also common in the workplace, and its production can be explained by the well-known four-ear model theory in the communication world.

The German psychology professor Friedman Schultz found that everyone understood the same sentence in the same sentence.

It includes Sachinhalt, Selbstoffenbarung, Beziehung and Appell.

What do you mean?

Let’s imagine a scenario. Your boss said to you: “There are a lot of mistakes in this report.”

What is your first reaction?

• If you think that he emphasizes the error itself, then you are listening to the “ear of the truth”, focusing on the facts.

• If you think that he says that you can’t do it, then you are thinking about the “ear of the relationship” and thinking about what the boss thinks about you personally.

• If you think that he is not happy, then you are using the “confession ear” to obey and try to figure out the boss’s inner feelings.

• If you think that he wants you to do better, then you are using the “call to the ear”, focusing on the boss’s expectations of you.

Which “ears” can be used to directly determine your emotional response in the workplace.

For example, if your boss is a person who pays attention to the facts, he wants to emphasize the mistake itself, and you mistakenly believe that it is a question of your ability, and it is inevitable that you will be angry and even lose your temper.

02 Beyond the rush of blood,Knitting the art of tantrums

So, do we have to show an image of never getting angry in the workplace?

The answer is no.

Because behind the rush of blood, angry actually has a positive meaning for you.

• We can identify our needs by losing our temper.

Raise a chestnut.

A friend has long been troubled by one thing: as the person in charge, her working group often has procrastination, and the deadline will be delayed.

When the team members missed the deadline again, she and her favorite team member, Xiao A, had a temper.

Then she finally learned that the problem with the draft is not that everyone is unwilling to complete the task:

The root of the problem is that the team does not have the right project management software, and the team members have no way to communicate the information in time and follow up the project.

In the next few weeks, a friend contacted the IT department to assemble the appropriate software for the small one, which solved the efficiency problem of the working group.

Visible, Get angry at the right time, be able to find the “source”, clear the demand, and deal with the hidden dangers that you can’t see in time.

• Being angry and temper will bring respect and high salary.

Whether in life or in the workplace, conflicts are inevitable, and people with the best temper should learn to lose their temper properly. Compromise without a bottom line does not bring goodwill and respect.

In addition, according toAccording to a survey conducted by Cornell University in the United States, in the workplace, whether it is a male employee or a female employee, the average salary earned by a temper is higher than that of a non-tempered same-sex employee.

Are you surprised?

So we have to “snap” ourselves, so that the small vault is much more embarrassing than others.

Of course, the purpose of this article is not to let you let your emotions vent.

The so-called gas fire and heart attack, angry and angry to the body is also obvious. In addition, inexplicable temper will generate higher communication costs, making the road to work more difficult.

Example:

In 1985, one of the reasons why Jobs was driven out of the Apple company he created by himself was because he was fed up with his temper in the company.

03 High Emotional Quotient Mode,Helping you go further in the workplace

Chi Ling sister, Cai Kangyong, and Huang Wei are recognized as stars of high emotional intelligence.

An impressive example is that Yan Ni and Huang Wei acted as husband and wife in a play. Yan Ni said with a self-deprecating statement: “I am acting with you, and I know that I am going to the ranks of ugly stars.”

Huang Wei listened to Yan Ni’s words and immediately said: “I am acting with you, I think I am going to the ranks of handsome guys.”

A word that is not humble, not only praises Yan Ni’s face value, but also resolves jealousy and unhappiness.

So, how can we cultivate this kind of “high emotional intelligence” as a workplace person?

Speaking of this, we must present our NVC (non-violent communication) theory.

A simple four-step process can learn how to get angry in the workplace.

First, stop, take a deep breath;

Second, pay attention to our accusations;

Third, understand our needs;

Fourth, expressing feelings and unfulfilled wishes.

How to do it?

• First of all, we need to realize that it is normal for people to have emotions.

Excited, happy, sweet, and comfortable are normal emotions.

Sadness, pain, helplessness, anxiety is also a normal mood.

We don’t need to be positive at all times.

Susan David, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School, mentioned in the TED talk:

suppressing emotions only makes this emotion stronger. Just like the chocolate cake in the refrigerator, the more you restrain yourself from eating, the more you can’t help but imagine its deliciousness…

So, Don’t try to suppress emotions in the face of anger, take a deep breath.

• Step 2, avoid using the following words:

“Always”, “Never”, “Never”, “Forever”.

How do you ruin the atmosphere in one sentence? Destroy your work and life?

Use sentences with absolute vocabulary.

Counter: “I always work in the office until the latest!”

Properly demonstrate: “My recent weekly work is nearly 60 hours.”

• The third step is to clearly express your needs behind anger.

Compared to the direct eruption of emotions, it is better to first explain your needs.

Following the example above, instead of complaining that you have been working too long, it is better to directly explain the damage that you have brought to yourself:

“My productivity has been severely reduced.”

• Finally, express your inner opinion and appeals about the problem.

“If I can make some adjustments to the assignment, I will feel that the work is more productive.”

So, use thisAfter the communication model, you can say this:

“I have been working nearly 60 hours a week recently, and I feel that efficiency will be affected. If you can make some adjustments to the task assignment, the work may be more effective.”

Is there a feeling that the overall demand is clearer and more reasonable?

In the workplace, the correct high-emotional tempering method, while reducing many unnecessary communication costs, the individual needs are also satisfied.

Write at the end

Excellent people in the workplace, not only dare to lose their temper, but also good at “correctly” losing their temper.

They know how to discover their inner needs and desires from anger and express them accurately.

We should not be afraid of conflicts because they always exist and may help us move forward.

As for people with too much negative energy, bosses who love people, people who like shabu-shabu…

Be free to accept the existence of these unpleasant people, then accept your true inner feelings and learn to communicate using the NVC model.

Learn how to lose your temper is a compulsory course in our workplace.

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