Tell yourself that you will find something worthy of admiration in everyone you encounter.
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Editor’s note: Are you still upset about not getting what you want most in your life? Maybe you should reflect on whether there is something wrong with your own method. In fact, you can be an adult in the process of dealing with people. As the saying goes, “It’s convenient for people, it’s convenient for you.” In the long run, you may find that what you have tried to achieve in the past has actually been realized. This article is translated from medium, article author Michael Thompson, original title 5 Easy-to-Implement Tips to Improve Your Relationships
Image source: Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
Most people don’t get what they want from life, because they are too selfish and never want to pay attention to the people around them.
One of my friends runs a very successful venture capital firm in the United States. When I asked him for career advice, he said this to me.
He went on to say: “If you can reserve 20 minutes a day to sit down and think about how to improve the lives of people around you, not only will all the problems you encounter will disappear, but your personal problems will be solved.” /p>
When he said these words, I acted calmly and acted as if I had put everyone in my life first. But the truth is, I belong to what he calls the “most people.”
At that time, the world didn’t give me what I wanted because I didn’t make any valuable contributions to the people around me.
In the past few years, I have kept his advice in mind, and it turns out that my friend is right – everything else is solved by myself. My career is exactly what I want to do, and my relationships have never been as strong as I am now.
This is thanks to me taking the time to think about how to improve my relationships and then takeFurther action.
I have listed five suggestions for transforming and improving my thinking, and I hope they will help you too.
1. Every time you talk, take this mentality: you will like everyone you meet
When most people are in a social setting, they are occupied by the idea of what to do and what to say. However, if you always think about yourself, you will never be able to enter other people’s hearts.
Vanessa Van Edwards, founder of Science of People, says a simple mindset can help you communicate better with others right away: every time you leave home, tell yourself that you will like as much as you can. people.
This may sound super simple, even a bit cheesy, but it is also very effective. According to Van Slone’s extensive research on popularity, the most popular people in high school are not the ones who like sports, nor the best people – but the ones who like others the most. As a result, people like them too.
2. Master some of the guest words and opening remarks
Really, I think those gimmicks and opening remarks sound fake, making people feel deliberate. But fortunately, in order to create more win-win relationships, you only need to identify and practice something that you feel is natural.
For many years, I have been using this variant of the phrase: “I am sorry to bother you, but I am writing an article. In the past few weeks, I have been asking everyone I met about this. The question of the question…” This not only brings more meaningful interpersonal relationships, but also brings countless opportunities to myself.
Although humans are complex, they can be very simple when it comes to creating relationships. Most people just like to talk about themselves, so you can start a conversation based on this and let people talk about their opinions and things of interest. This is a good way.
3. Record your daily interactions
One of the ways to create the life you want is to perform pattern recognition. There are very few ways to speed up the process by writing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences on paper.
Diary is not just the founder of a startup or the patent of a person trying to find himself, but a useful exercise to help build a strong connection with others.
Which conversations are going well today? Which ones are not smooth? What have I learned? Anyone is about to succeed? How many people know that I support them? I really listened to people’s voices, not eager to speak?
Ask yourself some questions about everyday interaction at the end of the day, then write these ideas on paper and you will find yourself growing.
4. Write down three things you learned after each conversation
I am smallThere are serious language barriers. I told others that it was because of this that I became a good listener.
Okay, actually this is fake. On the contrary, my fear of stuttering swallowed up every thought I had when I was awake, making my mind full of unrealistic fantasies and speculations. It’s ironic, because I’m afraid to talk, so I’ve never heard of what others said.
Fortunately, I met a good speech therapist and she found this. She told me that in order to overcome stuttering, I need to listen to other people’s words (very smart?) After each exchange, the therapist encouraged me to write down three things I learned after each exchange. As time went on, I began to stop worrying about what I was going to say, and I began to really listen to what people around me were saying.
In all the interpersonal advice I’ve written over the past few years, taking the time to learn how to be a better listener is the most important advice. If you don’t know what everyone cares about, it’s hard to add value to the people around you.
5. Seize every opportunity to communicate with others
In the past few years, I have developed a habit of reaching out to people I admire, understanding their daily lives, and understanding their stories. In these conversations, I found that they all have something in common. For example, many successful people will ask me at the end of the conversation whether anyone on my social network is willing to talk to them. So every time I end my conversation, I think of people with different needs.
Do people you know have to consider changing jobs? You can help them contact people in their area of interest.
Do people you know are in a period of low tide and difficulty? You can introduce their situation to someone who has had the same experience.
You will benefit a lot from this sharing. It may take only two minutes to send an email, but by helping to build more win-win relationships between different people, you will definitely find yourself and others. improve.
Write at the end
Take a moment to remind yourself that you will find something to admire in everyone you meet.
Practice some ways to break the deadlock, so that you can better turn your chat into a real conversation, and connect the people you meet with the people you already know.
Record your daily interactions and keep an eye out for what everyone around you cares about.
The beauty of all the above is that they spend 20 minutes a day (less than 1% of your time) and you still have enough time to pursue your goals.
But you may find that by helping others get what they want, your own dreams will come true.
Translator: Xitang