Listening is an important but not so easy to master technique.
Editor’s note: This article is from WeChat public account “Harvard Business Review” (ID: hbrchinese) , by HBR-China.
The Japanese TV drama “The Leisure of You” is a story about personal growth. Xiao Yan, who works in Tokyo, is a good old man in the workplace. Every time he says a word, he has to “seek and see” every time he does something. He is always cautious and never expresses his true thoughts. Colleagues gathered, she considered every response; colleagues had something, she replaced overtime; the same company’s boyfriend in the office as her air, she was careful not to let people see. Xiao Yan tried hard to observe the color, lest other people are not happy, they are afraid that they can not do well.
Is this something like you who entered the workplace? Elders, you must have eyesight to see, please know how to please colleagues, please the boss. At least, you always have the mentality of learning from the older generation, and rarely express your opinions. Whether in formal or informal occasions, you always nod and say, believe that young people say less mistakes, but also beautiful names: Know how to observe and listen, especially good at listening.
This way you can be a good person in the workplace? Give me a break. In the series, one day, when Xiao Xiao knows that her efforts to maintain the workplace, the girlfriends let her replace overtime is actually a private gathering, but also mocked and teased her; and she has been trying to please her boyfriend, not only hide her relationship, but also When she had all kinds of dislikes, Xiao Xiao completely collapsed. She resigned and left the city, cut off the previous contacts, and decided to abstain from “seeing and watching.”
As much as you think, it’s so easy. The key is, is this really the fault of observing the words? Is it wrong to listen more? When Xiao Yan went to work in a bar and raised his troubles with the boss, the proprietress said to her:
How smart! It’s not that you listen to mistakes, but that you have a deep misunderstanding about “being good at listening”. Listening, not just listening, not just picking what you think the other person wants to hear.
Listening is a very important ability, both in the workplace and in life. There are many reasons why you are not good at listening. If you are not interested, you have to listen to it. It is a kind of excuse to listen and listen. It is also an excuse, or you can’t even hear it, rudely interrupt, arbitrarily refute, think about your daily life with your partner. How many opportunities do you have to listen to each other’s conversations between parents or children?
In the Harvard Business Review, there are many about listeningThe article, let’s take a look at what can help you become a person who is really good at listening.
Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman are CEOs and Chairman of a leadership consulting firm. Based on years of consulting experience and research data, they found that most of the management skills for listening are recommended to do three things – encouraging listeners. Keep quiet when the other person speaks, use nod and “Hmm” to encourage the other party to continue speaking, by repeating what the other party said by saying “I want to make sure that I didn’t misunderstand what you mean, you mean…”. But research shows that these behaviors are far from true listening skills.
But after analyzing the behavior data of 3492 participants, they found that the real listening should include at least the following four items:
A good listener is not just keeping silent while others are talking. On the contrary, people think that the best listeners are those who ask questions from time to time to bring new discoveries and insights.
Good listeners will interact to help them build confidence. The best listeners will make the conversation a positive positive experience for the other party. If the listener is passive (or critical), this can’t be done. Good listening skills should create a safe environment for each other to discuss disputes and differences openly.
Good listening is seen as a dialogue of mutual cooperation. In this kind of interaction, feedback flows smoothly between the two parties, and no one will appear to be defensive because of the other party’s point of view. In contrast, bad listeners can be too aggressive – they listen only to get the other person’s reasoning or logical mistakes, and keeping silence is just preparing for the rebuttal. But listening is not a debate.
Good listeners often make suggestions. A good listener always gives some feedback in a way that the other party can accept, giving the other party a different approach. This discovery is somewhat surprising, because we often hear complaints: “Someone doesn’t listen to me at all, he just suddenly joined in and wants to solve this problem.” The data tells us: the proposal itself is not a problem, the problem It is the way to make suggestions. Another possibility is that we are more inclined to accept suggestions that we think are good listeners. (The silence is kept throughout the conversation, and then the person who suddenly jumps out of the suggestion may be considered unreliable. Those who are too arguing or who like to criticize others may be considered untrustworthy when trying to make suggestions.)
Look, the boss is really in the words. If there is no interaction, there is no real listening. So what should the interaction in listening be like?
Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman also gave specific advice:
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1. Make the other person feel safe and discuss difficult, complicated or emotional problems.
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2, put down your phone, concentrate on it, look at each other’s eyes;
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3. Understand each other’s key points.
You can ask questions and see if you understand the mistakes. For example:
“You mean …..”, or “Can I understand this…” -
4. Observe the other person’s expression, breathing, gestures, posture, etc. 80% of our communication content comes from these body language.
When you listen, you not only listen with your ears, but also look with your eyes. -
5. Expressed in a supportive, non-judging manner. For example, when the other party says:
“I have been terrible recently.” You can put “You don’t think so.”
“Change to” you must be very sad to think so.
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6, help the other party to see the problem from a new perspective. For example:
“If it is I might think…”
Listening is an important but not so easy to master technique. Statistics show that people who are good at listening are more likely to succeed in their careers.
Of course, these suggestions are equally practical in life. Next time, when you talk to your partner, parents or children, try these techniques. You may find that you are not only a good listener, you become more considerate. A partner, a more intimate child, a more patient parent.