No inner motivation is just an excuse.
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Editor’s note: Many people will quit halfway when they want to make changes or stick to a plan. “I lack internal motivation.” “This is not what I really want.” In fact, this statement is deceiving. Yourself. Every change in behavior is a challenge to the past. The pain associated with this process is inevitable. This is not because you lack internal motivation. Successful people succeed in realizing the inevitability of their pain, and paying for practice to do it until new good habits are formed. This article was translated from Medium, author Maarten van Doorn, originally titled “Intrinsic Motivation is Nonsense”, I hope to inspire you.
A friend of mine recently gave up his own study plan. He said: “I think my current problem is the lack of inner motivation to do this.”
He actually has been running for some time according to his standards. He said with desperation: “I have been holding on for a few weeks now, but I am really bitter. I really want to control my own thoughts, but I still have to let myself sit down and take a deep breath. It feels like I have gone through another college entrance exam. But things shouldn’t be like this, so I have to stop.”
A feeling of helplessness swept me. I have an unpredictable hunch, but I tried to enlighten him. “But you already know how to improve it. Besides, you said a few days ago, after you have been frustrated, you have successfully pulled yourself back. Doesn’t that make you feel that what you are doing makes sense?”
“I know. I really want to improve my attention. Just…” He hesitated. “I feel that the desire to complete the plan should come from my heart, but this desire does not exist. Even now I have Mastered the foundation, it requires a great spirit to urge me to try to do it myself. The only possible reason is: I don’t haveEnough internal motivation to move on.
After careful consideration, I feel that I have to be careful when I speak. I said, “You know, the method of carrots and sticks can be very effective. You can transfer money to a trusted partner and let him implement it for you. Supervise, reward, and punish measures to make decisions for yourself.”
I should have stopped here, but before I knew what happened, I heard a condescending voice in my heart: “There are ways to change your current behavior, but your success will not Depends on whether you are willing to do so.”
He sighed and naturally crossed his arms and made a self-protection move. He glanced at me and said it was decisive. “No, that’s not true, the inner dynamics must be real.”
I want to say something, but when I got to the eyes of my nephew, I swallowed it back. I have that feeling of helplessness, I don’t say anything anymore. “It should be an intrinsic motivation; external motivation is useless.” I heard the most words. And I think this is nonsense.
How do you make a behavior change?
Many people seem to believe this: If some behavior changes the “real you” you are trying to achieve, you don’t need carrots and sticks to motivate yourself, and you will achieve your goals smoothly. If you encounter internal resistance, you will find that the behavior you are taking is not what you really want, you can give up the goal without taking any responsibility for the failure.
So, you gave up control of your mind and said to yourself: “If motivation is not from my heart, if I need to balance and change the way I behave, then there is a problem. I should not force myself to do so. “Life and high school exams are completely different.
We may have misunderstood the process of “behavior transition.”
First of all, the ego itself has a strong survival instinct that leads us to encounter resistance when trying to change. This is manifested in the fact that your brain will continue to think “why do you want to develop new habits”. However, there is no indication that what you are doing is not what you really want, which is different from our usual perception. These are normal behaviors and should be there. Change is a difficult process, and even true changes are even more so.
Second, when you want to break old bad habits and start new habits, be patient with yourself. Science has shown that repeated thoughts and behaviors form a so-called “brain groove”, a series of interconnected neurons that carry a specific mindset. So, before you don’t need to “force” yourself to perform new behaviors, it takes a lot longer than most people think, which is a normal phenomenon. And a little self-forcing is not a reason to give up, at least not if you have made a promise but choose to give up for this reason.
Thirdly, it is not enough to change the behavior only by the willpower. It is also okay to rely on some external incentives. For example, transferring money to a trustworthy partner and letting him supervise you is not a shame.
Forget internal and external motivation
So, if you want to develop a new habit, but not break through your boundaries and overcome resistance, then you are deceiving yourself. Therefore, if the lack of internal motivation is the reason for your efforts to stop, you will never accomplish anything of value.
99% of “losers” and “successors” have one thing in common: they all hate doing the same thing. The difference is that although it is annoying, the winner will still do it.
This leads to my next point: Why do you first care whether the motivation is “inner” or “external”?
The only reason I can think of is : You are not fully committed to accomplishing your goals. You want to have a way out and return to the previous state. If the changes you are trying to make will soon take you too far from the comfort zone, you will choose an escape route, and “lack of inner motivation” becomes your jail card. At this time, you will not say that you defeated yourself in the past, but will say, “I have tried my best, but I have not done it. But this is not something I can control, I still want to do it!” Span>
But this is a contradictory behavior. You can’t bother to get something, but at the same time take the lack of intrinsic motivation as a good reason to stop fighting for it.
If you really want to improve yourself, you will do everything you can. This is why the distinction between internal and external is irrelevant. You’d better forget all of this, these will only hinder your progress.
If you really want to change your behavior, you don’t need to care where the motivation comes from, just care if it helps you.
If you don’t feel this way, you should redouble your efforts, not give up because of difficulties, embarrassment, and boring. When you choose to keep going, regardless of difficulty, monotony, and hardship, you gain progress and gain an edge in the competition.
The question is: Are you ready to do this?
Translator: Jane
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