Confidence can be obtained in two ways.
Editor’s note: This article is from WeChat public account “Glass-American Beauty” (ID :crystal_words), author Zhao Xiaoli.
Writing in the front:
Today’s topic stems from a reader’s message, which is as follows –
“Huang Li teacher, hello. Many people say that my path is very smooth, and the objective conditions such as education and appearance are good. During the growth process, people around me think that I am very good.
After entering the workplace, I found that I could not fully invest in my work. I didn’t resign recently. I originally planned to rest for two months and then find a job. I found that when I tried to restart my work, I could not recover. Going forward and being active, delaying things, watching the phone every day, can’t do business. How can I gain confidence and strength and find the motivation for life?
01
First analyze from the surface and say confidence.
The so-called self-confidence refers to a person’s affirmation of self: it can be obtained through self-affirmation, or it can be derived from the affirmation of others.
So, the more you feel unconfident, the more you need to calm down and fully understand the advantages you have.
For example, your network, professional, comprehensive ability, personal traits, strengths, experience, economic conditions, etc.
At this time, you will often find that you are not so bad. You also have many advantages to rely on. You can give you some inner strength and let you go all the way.
1, self-affirmation;
The most reliable path is to implement every detail of life and grasp what you can.
For example, if you used to brush your phone for three hours a day, you might want to try it for two hours now. This is also a growth and improvement.
2, others are positive;
The more emotionally depressed, the more we need a relatively inclusive environment or others.
If you have a friend who is especially good at encouraging you and seeing your body shining, you may want to touch them. The recognition and encouragement from others will make your heart full of energy.
3, related security, controllability, etc.;
Confidence also involves factors such as security and control.
For example, a confident person often has good self-regulation and survival skills and is capable of coping with the setbacks that may be encountered in life. Even if there is a deviation between reality and expectations, he can correct his own route and get on the right track as soon as possible. .
Therefore, from this perspective, knowing your own traits, cultivating your hobbies, survival skills, self-regulation, and expanding hobbies, etc., are all processes of growing, expanding and perfecting life.
02
Go to deep analysis and talk about inner fears.
From the case I have consulted before, I don’t rule out such a possibility, that is —
The reason why you don’t want to work so hard now is probably because your past efforts are not because it is what you want, but for friends and relatives. This kind of excellent evaluation is like a sweet trap. You enjoy it, on the other hand, you feel very tired.
So, you started the repair for a few months, and your heart is eager to start doing something you want to do. However, hiding in the comfort zone is also human nature. After all, re-starting also requires a reason to be self-convincing.
At the same time, the external environment has not pushed you to the extent of your efforts. You know in your heart that even if you don’t work hard, you can do well, so why bother?
So, for you, what you need to learn now is not to work hard for others to see, but to find the goals and values that you want to work hard to achieve. Only the desire from the heart is the most personal. Good driving force.
It’s precisely due to the importance of the resultsFear means “fear of failure” because you value the results of your efforts, so you cannot get rid of the influence and control of the external evaluation system.
If you want to break through this fear, you need to find one thing (or work), which can bring you satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment. If the result is good, of course it is good, it is incidental. result.
So, you have to learn to adjust your thinking, starting with the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction of the process, not just staring at the results.
03
Let’s talk about a topic at the end, that is to find yourself.
This is what many people have been doing for the rest of their lives. In fact, this process is an attempt we must go through to get rid of the fears of the past and passive efforts.
If the motivation for doing things comes from the outside world, you will deny yourself because of the bad results; if your motivation comes from your heart, you can live at your own pace.
So, not working hard is not entirely your problem, it is human nature;
But what we can do is to re-find the inner driving force and replace the outside drive with self-driving. This is the driving force for our future inexhaustible use.
The above.