This article is from the public number: Seeing Ideal (ID: ikanlixiang) , author: Lin Lan, from the title figure: Oriental IC

The Qing Dynasty poet Nalan Xingde once wrote: If life is just as first seen, why Qiufeng sadly draws fans. Quiet change but old people’s hearts, but old people’s hearts are easy to change.

Maybe it ’s because of unpredictable things, and people ’s hearts are so fickle that our culture is particularly attached to the “first time”.

In Korea, there are many good names in the entertainment industry, but “National First Love” is definitely one of the most favored. In this collective atmosphere, Korean film and television naturally produced many classic first love stories.

However, with the development of society, people’s view of love has become more and more diverse, so the proportion of first love stories in modern Korean film and television has dropped a lot. But what never happened was that the screenwriters became fascinated by Chu Xue.


Six years ago, starting with a sentence by Qian Songyi in the early snow to be served with fried chicken beer, this natural phenomenon ran on the road to become a romantic symbol.

In “Ghost”, there are the kisses of Enxue and Jinxu, and in “Please answer 1988,” Sunyu confessed to Paula’s Chuxue, and Azeyo lost his first love to Dexin to watch movies.

As a natural phenomenon peculiar to winter, the beginning of the snow has no special meaning, at most for people to once again confirm the fact that winter has come. butThe white snowflakes are so beautiful. It’s a pity not to do anything, so I have the idea to arrange the confession in the first snowy night. In this way, the two complement each other, not only provides the scene of love at the beginning, but also does not waste the atmosphere of the first snow.

With the encouragement of these Korean drama bridges, the romantic factors in people’s body are ready to start from the beginning of winter, and it will be an instant when the first snow falls, as if to capture the most beautiful meaning in the cold winter.

Whether it is the first kiss, first love, the first night of literary works that are keen to express, or the “first xxx” composition written countless times in the elementary school age, these life clips are logically stacked while adding specific text to an experience. The meaning of “first time”.

We often have fantasies and obsessions with many “firsts”. The starting points of these feelings are mostly beautiful. It encourages us to take life seriously and gives us the direction of hard work.

However, the “first time” is good, but it may not be that important. Sometimes the fantasy bubbles created are too heavy, but they will burden people and obscure the meaning of an experience.

1. A sense of ceremony for the “first time”

Crossing this line, people become different.

For the first time, an event has the influence to set the direction of its subsequent experience, so this has given it the value of being valued and ritualized.

Talking about the source of the “first” obsession, you can start with the word “fresh.”

It is not difficult to find that the freshness and excitement caused by the unknown directly builds our expectations for many first attempts. But this freshness is actually based on existing cognition.

In most cases, the reason you’re looking forward to a certain first time is because you have learned relevant information from other places. What you are looking forward to is that this “first time” will achieve the desired result.

Just like it takes a lot of effort for a person to change his impression on others, if a certain one is worse than expected for the first time, it may take a long time to repair and adjust his mind.

On a certain level, this explains why the public is clinging to the myth of first love and first night, because people believe that a good beginning can lead to good development.

“First time” means the beginning of an experience, which is a process from nothing to something.

From the first time you speak and walk for the first time, human beings have gained growth experience through countless “first”, and put a “completed” stamp on your personal wish list.

Therefore, “first time” not only has a reputation, but occasionally bears the meaning of “epoch-making”. Love or sex that the public cares about is one of the more common examples. Even if we know that these things will happen in the future, we still enjoy the added meaning brought by this sense of ritual, which means that our life has entered a new stage.


When I grow up, everyone is keen on ritualized subjects, and is destined to be inseparable from the “first time”.

Serious as the law, freedom as entertainment, our society is trying to find a certain node to divide naive and mature. It can be seen that humans are particularly sensitive to growth.

In the entertainment venueThe most common adult ritual is to try some activities that are not suitable for children.

In the youth growth (coming of age) In the movie “Miss Bird”, Christine, who is still a high school student, is approaching adulthood and is exhausted. There are various ways to become a cool adult. In addition to giving herself the stage name Lady Bird, falling in love and having sex is one of her ways.

There is a classic scene in the movie: On the 18th birthday, Miss Bird went to a convenience store, proudly presented the identity card to the clerk, and bought a pack of cigarettes, a scrape, and a “Playgirl”. She took the good things and walked outside the store, rummaged through the adult magazine while smoking, and completed her adulthood ceremony.

After experiencing two brief relationships, and because of school problems and my mother ’s upset, the first smoking and reading of the little yellow book by Miss Bird made more sense, because it can be controlled alone. Adult ceremony. This time, she finally completed her advanced life without the intervention of others.

An interesting little fact is that although Miss Bird is 18 years old in the film, it is not really “adult”. In the United States, because the legal age to drink is 21, most people consider 21 to be a true adult, and those under that are called under-age or minor. Even if you are over 18, you can smoke, read a book, and choose the president. .

Going to the bar to celebrate your 21st birthday and drinking the strongest Long Island Iced Tea is a traditional American adulthood ceremony. In fact, many people have drank alcohol and smoked before the legal age, but they still stubbornly hope to ritualize these “firsts” to declare brightly that “Lao Niang / Lao Tzu is mature!”

In this sense, the meaning of celebrating the “first time” is not that “I have done this thing”, but that “I have done it. I am finally a crazy adult” .

2. The “first” shaping power

Why is the first impression so important?

The magic of “first time” is not only reflected in growth, but it also dominates the judgments of our daily lives.

We are often told about the importance of first impressions, because just a few seconds is enough to impress a person, and preconceived evaluations have a deep-rooted influence in people’s hearts.

Shaped by the social environment, we carry more or less prejudices and stereotypes, and these cognitions are the biggest reason for the long-lasting effect of the first impression.

People often say “Don’t judge a book by its cover”. Don’t judge people by their appearance, because the visual first impression is ultimately shallow. But we have to admit that many times the first impression is unexpectedly accurate.

In this regard, psychologists Vivian Zayas and Gül Günaydin did an experiment. Studies have found that looking at a person ’s photo first is similar to the impression made when seeing a real person a month later. If you feel good about a person when you look at the photos, after a period of physical interaction with yourself, and after absorbing more substantial information, the favorability will not decrease.

At first glance, the experimental results seem to support the theory that “people can look and feel”, but if you look at it from another angle, you will find that this is not the case.

We have reason to believe that the accuracy of the first impression is very high, because when we determine what a person is like and interact with real people in the future, we will follow the existing knowledge to chat and exchange, so To get a similar impression as before.

In other words, the favorability of a person does not change because of how accurate the first impression is, but because once we have formed our cognition, we will naturally explore and develop in that direction.Under judgment.

People always believe in themselves first, and sometimes even more than facts. This is self-inertia. So, even if the first impression is the thinnest subjective understanding, it still has the most lasting influence.

It is necessary to be vigilant that the development mechanism of the first impression is easy for people to fall into their own cognitive world, forming a stereotype, and thus ignoring objective facts.

3. The “first” romance

The little thing about first love is actually nothing.

It is true that many “firsts” in the world deserve to be ritualized and romanticized, but there are also many examples that are overly conceived by the public, such as first love and first night.

In our cognition, the most classic first love template often happens during the school days.

Due to the special national conditions, domestic colleges and universities basically prohibit students from falling in love. Coincidentally, junior high school is also the age when love begins. In the environment where love is forbidden, romantic cardamom love has a sense of rebellion, and it is indeed a stepping stone for youth growth.

Furthermore, almost all youth-oriented films and romance novels whose main audience is students will be involved in love. Gradually, the first love in school days has become the common yearning of the public. If the first love was not in the school days, or the first love is not as beautiful as described in literary works, people will feel lost regret.

This is not to question the meaning of first love. But first love is not a task. It doesn’t have to happen at a certain time, it doesn’t have to be used to reflect whether someone has grown up, it doesn’t have to be remembered, and our life does not need the KPI of “the best love is to marry first love.”

Another “first time” that has been overromantic is the first night. Affected by traditional cultural systems such as religion and ethics, a large number of people still believe that never having sex with others is the greatest love and loyalty to a marriage partner. This is also called “virginity” in traditional discourse.

In response to this idea, American anthropologist Donald Brown tried to explain it in the book Human Universals. He believes that the uniqueness of romantic relationships is a generally accepted concept in human relationships. Then sex as a private and important part of a romantic relationship will naturally become a source of jealousy and a standard for measuring loyalty.

As a result, many people think that the “first time” is a follow-up of “never”, a decisive change from nothing, so in social relations, it is easy for people to use the “first time” smoothly. To measure the value of a partner in a relationship.

This kind of “smoothing the boat” has become a fallacy that binds women’s physical freedom, such as a virgin complex, virginity, and sexual conservativeness, within the framework of a patriarchal system.

Today, many people still think that women who have been sexually assaulted are inferior in romantic relationships because their bodies are “dirty.” Zhihu even had the absurd question of “Girlfriend using tampons, should I break up with her?”

Whether it is first love or first night, they are obviously over-romanticized in the context of today’s society, not only becoming a collective obsession, but even an emotional shackle.

Actually, about first love andThe idea of ​​the first night is like a fairy tale world in a crystal ball, which is an idealized blueprint that has been carefully designed and packaged. If you only stare at the unchanged scene in the glass ball for a long time, I am afraid I can’t understand the diversity in real life.

(“This is the first time in this life” screenshot, subtitle source: Phoenix Angel)

The world is complicated enough, we might as well relax a bit. The first time may be beautiful and full of ritual, but it is not as important as you think.

Finally, I want to say a few more words to you.

In the 17-year-old Korean drama “This Life Is the First Time”, the heroine Zhihao was very upset after learning that her husband and ex-girlfriend had a marriage contract, but finally let go on the seashore of his hometown.

Even if I have seen the sea before, this is the first time I have seen this sea.

Even if you know it, you have done it. Every moment, everything you do with that person is the first time.

Life is the first time.

We must consider, every day, every moment, is the first and last time we experience.

Instead of obsessing with “the first time” in life and love, try to change your promises and vows to “be the last time for each other.”

But if the first love is Azerbaijan, you can’t help it.

Reference:

https://psychcentral.com/news/2014/02/15/the-power-of-a-first-impression/65944.html

Pictures: Please answer 1988, Miss Bird, This is the first time in this life

This article is from the public number: Seeing Ideal (ID: ikanlixiang) , author: Lin Lan