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“I refuse to be a life coach for anyone”;

“I was really faceless when I was the hardest”

“I finally have the courage to say something I believe.”

Although the age of “knowing destiny” has passed, Cai Kangyong sitting in front of our camera still has a strong desire to express himself.

On the day of the interview, the lowest temperature in Beijing was minus 6 degrees Celsius, and everyone stayed in a heated room for a long time.

However, as long as you sit in front of the camera, the “Cai Kangyong on TV” immediately returns, with a smiling smile, a gentle speech, and a decent answer.

No matter what question is asked, he can always export a chapter after a pause, and appropriately produce his own opinions and sentences.

The interview with Cai Kangyong was very frank and even unexpected.

The well-known “talking” and “high emotional quotient” Cai Kangyong bluntly stated in the interview that he also faces the same problems as most people: social terror, anxiety, often regrets, and he has even done a good job. “Psychological preparation …

The following is a readme by Cai Kangyong:

1. About social networking: “I still have social fear”

“Social terror” is regardless of age. I am full of people around me. Even if I am well dressed, I will still give up going out in the last second.

Don’t hide from everyone, I am still in the stage of social terror. I still need to spend more than 3 hours a day to think about which group of people I want to get along with.

If it’s meIt’s boring to get along, or people who have been at work, I will give up this social. That’s why it’s important for me to write the book “Because this is your life.”

I encourage the contact of the virtual world. For example, in games, you meet other people in the game and get their support and enthusiasm. This can be regarded as an important definition of a friend.

However, after all, people still need to have some contact with real people.

When you read this book, you will find that breaking the social fear is a serious attempt by me.

I hope everyone realizes that the biggest loss of giving up socializing is actually passive acceptance and the various relationships that life has lost to you.

We already have assigned parents and assigned siblings. If even friends and partners are waiting to be assigned, it is difficult to have an interpersonal relationship that suits them.

Many times, we are too greedy and want to do everything, but we are not quite sure what we want.

In fact, at this time, you should fight for and actively find friends worth making.

A good friend is like a driver who goes south and north. You sit in the back seat of the car. He runs with you, and at least he can see some scenery.

▲ Cai Kangyong

2. About anxiety: “If there is no anxiety, I will be scared”

When it comes to anxiety, I will be scared if I don’t have it. I think it is normal to have anxiety.

For me, writing is an extremely anxious thing. I will always be in a state where I should write without writing. But without anxiety urging me, I might not be able to write a single copy.

I really admire Luo Zhenyu, because he has to read a book every day for 10 years, and then introduce it to everyone. So far, he has done it for 7 years, and it will take another 3 years. I think this is steel discipline. I can’t do it at all.

If you ask me what I can do to relieve anxiety, I do n’t want to relieve it a lot of times. I think I have to deal with anxiety well.

Ma Dong told me that day that he was fasting.

I said that I can’t do it, because once you spend your willpower on fasting, you will disintegrate in other aspects; once you spend your willpower on your work, you will break down the willpower of fasting, so it is difficult Both.

So I want to face anxiety and get things done.

As for the hardest time of all these years, I really didn’t have a face to talk about.

In 1986, more than 30 years ago, when I was studying filmmaking at UCLA (University of California, Los Angeles), it was really difficult.

At that time, all the money was used for filming. There was no money to eat, but only the worst food, the least sleep, and the dirtiest life.

I’m afraid I can’t finish my job. In a completely unfamiliar environment, it is terrifying to make a movie to graduate.

But the hardship is happy, especially when I find that I can do what I thought was impossible at all, I feel that I am super powerful and will become very happy.

When you endure what seems to be the hardest part of your life, you will find that all the hardships are future stories. Only the story of the tragedy is particularly interesting.

3. About choices: “What we lack most is a choice of” No “

I always think that the simplest criterion for judging whether a person is living well is to see if he has a choice.

It’s very happy to have the right amount of choices, but if you have endless choices, you can be overwhelmed.

People really care about whether they have a choice. Even when it comes to death that everyone is unwilling to face, there are still people who want to choose burial or cremation. Therefore, everyone hopes that life has choices.

Every effort we make is not what we want, but what we don’t want. What we lack most in life is this saying “No”s Choice.

You have to spend a lot of effort to prove to the people around you that you can not get married, have no children, and don’t have to make so much money, but you can still live well.

The “No” choice is the most important choice, and most people don’t have it.

For me, many people regard me as their life mentor, but I have always refused. I never read any messages on social media because I do n’t want to be a life mentor at all.

I write a book, of course, I hope to solve some problems and difficulties, but I do n’t write as a teacher, but as a student. In this way, I can exempt everyone from saying that I am a mentor, because I cannot answer so many questions.

I said in the EQ class, if you think that a person is particularly a person, then he must be particularly tired. This is relative. So, never believe that there are 100 points.

Everyone has their own passing line, and everyone should find the standard that suits them, instead of having to be perfect and 100 points.

In the new book “Because this is your life,” I mentioned an important principle, which is “appropriately.”

When we have met the expectations of our parents to us to some extent, and feel that it is appropriate, we must have enough energy to take care of our own expectations. This is the magic in our heart, and it is up to everyone to decide for themselves. .

Many people want to be the masters of their lives. The master and the initiative are connected. If you don’t take the initiative, you can’t be the master.

So young people must not give up the right to choose actively. When you perceive that you are passively accepting everything now, take the first step and become your own master.

▲ Cai Kangyong’s new book

4, About influence: “I’m fully prepared for my gas”

Someone once asked me if I was worried that my influence would disappear one day. In fact, this thing will happen sooner or later, so if that day really comes, I will accept it.

There is always regret in life. I believe I will keep a lot of regrets until I die. This is very important.. If everything is done, there is no point in living.

I often talk about death in books and shows.

Many people think that our culture does not encourage public discussion of this topic, but I think the sooner you start to practice facing it, the less it will be when it happens.

The same goes for influence.

Everyone can only play their part in a certain period of time, and then they should give up space to others. A normal person should think so, and do so.

If I see someone who wants to be influential all the time, I will be scared and I think he has misunderstood the rhythm of life.

I wrote an over-experienced host in the book, because as a more famous person, one day I will experience this feeling sooner or later:

No one can recognize who you are when you walk anywhere, no one wants to take a picture with you, and no one asks you to sign.

If this doesn’t matter to you, in fact, you are ready to be angry.

In the past, every time the publisher came to me to publish a book, I wanted to use my face as the cover of the book to attract the reader’s attention.

But now I will say to myself, sooner or later, the publisher will no longer use your face as a cover.

When your face never has any appeal, the influence will disappear naturally. I will accept this matter calmly.

So now I’m fully prepared for it.

▲ Cai Kangyong

Write last

At the end of the interview, we asked Cai Kangyong:

What’s been your biggest change over the years?

Cai Kangyong lowered his head for a while, and said happily:

“My biggest change is that I started to have the courage to talk about things that I really believed in. Today I talk to you about things that I never dare to say before.

Now I will also write in the book. If the process of life is like a game you like to play the most, then you really feel it and don’t care about those false meanings. I thought it meantIt’s important. Now I think feeling is more important.

If you feel that meaning is vague and you can’t feel it at all, then you must not be kidnapped by it. Because the meaning is likely to be false, and someone else left it to you, but your feelings are real. “

From “Live for yourself” to “Because it’s your life”, Cai Kangyong’s EQ class has always conveyed a belief:

“Everything we do with others is to make us, our unique selves, live more freely, not more wronged. ”

Cai Kangyong is finally becoming more and more loyal to himself.

Cai Kangyong: Well-known show host. Interview, author: Cui Shu, the new moon. Fan Xinyi, an intern, also contributed to this article. This article first appeared in the first stop of growth and charging-Socket Academy (ID: chazuomba), to accompany people with dreams to grow up.