The article is from WeChat public account: simple psychological (ID: janelee1231) , author: Rex summer, drawing from the title: TV drama” little joy “

I’m really, really afraid of rhetorical questions.

In the scene of the summer drama “Little Joy”, the angry Song Qian scolded her daughter Yingzi for truancy and kept using rhetorical questions to vent her dissatisfaction. The minutes-long accusations made Yingzi, who had always lowered her head and confessed her mistakes, gradually become dissatisfied and rebelled. A family education rose into a heartbreaking quarrel.

How did things get here? Let ’s take a look at what Song Qian said:

“Why aren’t they saying two sentences? They took you to skip the class and I can’t say they?”

“Why is that aunt Xiaomeng so good? How can you please you so much?”

“What did I push you for? Your mother didn’t do anything right?”

In a five-minute quarrel, Song Qian attacked Yingzi most of the time with a rhetorical tone.

The strong emotional attack also gradually caused Qiao Yingzi’s response to change from “I was wrong, I knew it was wrong” to “Mom, not what you think”, and then “Mom, don’t force me Is it done? “Until the end shouted” Yes, I just like Aunt Xiaomeng, she is better than you “.

This episode of mother-daughter quarrels has hit the hearts of countless people, and many people have seen the shadow of themselves once arguing with their parents.

I. Why does the “rhetorical question” hurt? Zh

How does the rhetorical question hurt us? Is it the question of the rhetorical question itself?

Maybe not. In experiments that study how people persuade others, psychologists have found that it is also an article about supporting the use of nuclear energy. If you add a question at the end of the article, “Should we not support the use of nuclear energy,” it will allow readers to ask This view has stronger support.

When used properly, rhetorical questions are a way to effectively enhance persuasion and guide others to follow their points of view.

Psychologists also find that the advantages of rhetorical questions in argumentation mainly benefit from the following three characteristics:

1) “Feel confident”

Research shows that when the tone of a statement increases and the speed of speech increases, the listener believes that the speaker is more confident. This “feeling confidence” strengthens the persuasiveness of the point of view, especially when the listener does not fully focus on his energy. This phenomenon becomes more apparent when you think about it.

2) Strong emotions

Emotions play an important role in persuasion. When the listener has a low level of information processing and does not have a clear position, emotions can directly make people have the same attitude as emotions; when the level of information processing is high and the receiver recognizes the authenticity of emotions, it will make people more identify with themselves Same idea, or doubt different from yourself.

3) Anchoring effect

There is a concept in psychology called the anchor effect, which means that people’s position on one thing will be taken away by the position of the information that was originally received. The rhetorical question expresses a strong degree of inclination, and readers will be affected by this degree when making their own judgments, and thus more inclined to this position.

However, these characteristics do not translate into advantages in all situations. Some psychologists have pointed out that the degree of personal involvement of the discussant in the topic is an important factor affecting the feeling of the questioner about the rhetorical question.

After all, expression serves the purpose after all. In some cases, the reason why rhetorical questions arouse the opposition’s resistance or aversion, and inspire contradictions is further intensified, because the object impaled by the unfriendly attitude behind it is not limited to “the thing itself”, but to talk to Individual.

Attitude is the most harmful because it attacks you as an individual. The use of rhetorical questions is like turning the knife used for sculpting to a vulnerable individual. Its advantages-sharp blades, hard blades and ease of use, will appear one by one in the most hurtful manner. What it pierces is no longer a point of view, but a living “person.”

When we express something, we are not just expressing factual information and cold logical chains, it may also be accompanied by our life experiences, self-identification, social expectations, emotional needs and even value pursuits.

The question is no longer an opinion, but your life, your identity, your expectations, your needs, and even your dreams.

Second, why do people use “aggressive rhetorical questions”?

Behind “aggressive rhetorical questions”, it may be the indifference that the other party refused to communicate with, the aggressive one with hostility and attack, or the other party ’s strong desire to control.

1) declined communication

Some rhetorical questions make us feel like the speaker is refusing to discuss the possibility of the topic further.

Daily conversation is a process of interpersonal interaction. It requires joint expression and mutual feedback from both parties in order to make the most of it. Absolute in rhetorical questionsConfidence also implies “I think I’m right, you can’t deny it”, and it puts the two sides on the inequality of information exchange status.

When Song Qian asked a series of rhetorical questions, she didn’t need Yingzi to tell her the truth, and she didn’t need Yingzi to explain what “not what you think” is, she just wanted to express herself.

When a colleague said in the discussion, “Don’t you think there is a problem with this plan?”, we felt that he had already firmly believed that the plan had these problems. He didn’t need your opinions and ideas, and you didn’t need to do it. supplement.

At this time, humans’ natural needs for “needed” and “self-expression” were directly ignored. A conversation that can’t produce interactive behavior, can’t meet needs, but takes time and energy will naturally cause us to resist.

2) Attack and hostility

A strong and aggressive rhetorical question, like the one when attacking the enemy.

The strong emotion of the rhetorical question is both its powerful weapon and its most damaging sword, so that people who could have stood on the united front are wary of each other and attack each other. The use of rhetorical questions is as if one party started the offensive and eventually was injured, or all the people who wanted to talk peacefully.

On the other hand, some rhetorical questions commonly used in life are often accompanied by questions about the attitude, ability, and character of the other party-and this is our behavior toward the enemy.

For example, a friend ’s phrase, “Do n’t you think this is common sense?” It ’s as if you are expressing “you lack basic common sense and the thinking of normal people”. This skepticism of intrinsic qualities seems to push you out of the TA group and turn you into an enemy unrelated to him.

3) Take control

The rhetorical question sometimes expresses a dialogue process and control over the receiver ’s position—-In other words, TA has helped you decide your ideas, and you have been forced to become a low-power person.

At this point, you may have two reactions:

1) This compliance with power is temporarily allowed for compliance, guilt, or other reasons. People with low power are more inclined to avoid behavior in order to save more resources. At this moment, you are silent, pretend to be obedient, or confess your mistakes like Yingzi originally.

2) Disagree with this power distribution and feel a strong sense of injustice. Aggravated emotions such as grievance and anger come up, you may express resistance, or you may temporarily endure, but the dissatisfaction lingers in the back of your heart and constantly encourages you.

No matter what kind of reaction, when they accumulate to a certain value, it brings about either the termination of the discussion or a larger conflict.

When the advantages of rhetorical questions are turned into disadvantages one by one, we cannot help asking: What is the purpose of using rhetorical questions? End conversation? Vent your emotions? Or take control of others? Is this really what you want? Or, don’t you really want to listen to the inner thoughts of TA?

Three, how to make good use of “riddle questions”?

Of course, rhetorical questions are not useless.

For example, a scene from the classic American drama “Friends”: Joey went to a friend’s mansion to be a guest, and was suggested by a friend to rent his own house, “Do you look like I would live in such a place?” Both Avoid direct rejection, but with a little self-deprecating humor.

And his friend ’s reply: “Why not? Do you hate the park ’s exterior and high ceilings?” Guidance and purpose are very strong, making Joey unable to refute or even make sense, and eventually was attracted to rent house.

When there is no information that harms the other party,