Your collapse, I understand you.
Editor’s note: This article is from the WeChat public account “Idea’s Ideal” (ID: xiaoyaolsh) < / a>, the ideal of author Effie.
I have read an article before and I was impressed. The article says that Chinese adults are now filling in blanks, and greeting each other are also filling in blanks.
I am __year old, earn __yuan a year, live __ square meters, and have __ children.
So, as long as any number is not filled in, it will be regarded as a “loser” by others.
On the contrary, as long as these numbers are filled up and you look good, even if your heart is very painful, you can get everyone’s envy.
Wait, this is not over.
After filling in the blanks, there is a key step, which is to compare whether your data is good or not.
This is a “fill-in-the-blank” style of life, and it is exactly the reason why many adults collapse.
Why crash?
The possible reasons are as follows:
1) Although I worked hard, I still ca n’t fill these numbers;
2) Although the numbers are filled in, they are not as good as others;
3) As you fill in the numbers, you wonder whether this is the life I want, and if so, why am I so unhappy?
In fact, whether it is a “fill-in-the-blank” type of life or a life with another posture, your outlook is hidden behind it.
What is life?
The outlook on life represents your fundamental view of life and your basic views on life.
It’s like a pair of “invisible hands”, On the surface, many of your decisions are made by yourself, but in fact, it is all about the “life view” at work.
Different outlooks on life will lead you to a completely different life, maybe a “fill-in-the-blank” life, or a completely different life …
1, The first different life
For a while, I was very anxious and anxious about what I wanted to achieve, and I was crazy when I thought it would take so long to reach it.
So I gave myself a short self-coach.
First, I invite myself to the moment when I have achieved my goal-
“At that time, I was sitting in the Jiangnan Garden that I designed and built.”
Then, I let myself feel deeply the joy and satisfaction of reaching that goal-
“Yes, it’s so beautiful, I can finally read, listen to Kunqu, and enjoy the flowers in my garden, like a noble Chinese scholar.”
Next, let me continue to feel deeply, and let the “me after the goal is achieved” and “the present me” have a short exchange-
I didn’t expect a word that popped up without realizing it:
“Treasure every moment you are working for now, because that is the true meaning of life happiness. ”
After hearing this, my tears burst into tears.
I suddenly understood: The best thing in life is not to get a certain result, because once you get it, you will fall into nothingness and boredom without a goal in life. The sense of happiness is unsustainable.
On the contrary, you are working hard for one goal after another. Every day and every moment in that process is a precious thing like gold. It is the true meaning of happiness in life …
So happiness doesn’t appear after you reach your goal. (You do have a moment of joy, but it can’t last.) Instead, it happens on the way to your goal.
Later, I raised this epiphany to a philosophical level, that is: Only A life that is only clinging to certain specific results or goals is a “possessive” life, and that type has more than a clear goal And at the same time, a life that cares more about all the experiences and feelings in the process of achieving the goal is an “existence” life.
Most people believe that only by possessing certain things and people can we get happiness in life.
Under the guidance of this outlook on life, you have always wanted to occupy more items, bigger houses, better cars, more love, better positions …
So you study hard, work, and everything you do is for the purpose of “more possession.”
What about “re-existence” life?
It means you don’t want to goYou do n’t want to possess anything. What you want is to experience, feel, and creatively use your ability to integrate with the world.
As the dancer Yang Liping once said:
“Some people’s lives are for succession, some are enjoyment, some are experiences, and some are spectators. I am the spectator of life. In the afterlife, I just watch how a tree grows, how rivers flow, and how white clouds float , How does nectar condense. “
This is a typical “existential” life, although it is not the only one.
In the “re-occupation” view of life, your relationship with the world is the relationship between possession and all. In this relationship, you have to make everyone, everything, including yourself and your own life. , All become your property.
In the “re-existence” view of life, your entire life and every day of life means life, active activities, renewal, and constant creation.
At this time you are like a growing bigger Jar, you can hold anything, but you will never be satisfied.
Based on the difference between these two outlooks on life, from an ordinary conversation, you can see that people who “repossess” often talk about the people, things, and things they own; and “re-exist” People are more focused on the feelings, thoughts, inspirations and creations that are brought about by the various encounters in life.
Talking to the former, you can easily fall into the trap of “comparison”, while talking to the latter, you can easily feel the vitality of life and the infinite possibilities in the future.
If you treat love with a “re-occupation” outlook on life, then the person you “love” will feel restricted, bound and controlled. This “love” will only stifle and suffocate people and let them People become numb. It will only destroy and not promote human vitality.
Many parents have such “love” for their children. In fact, it is just “in the name of love” to control their children, let them go the way they think is right, and live the life they think is right.
Many lovers and couples also live in such a “love”. They control each other “in the name of love” and treat each other as their appendages, not the object of true love.
When you write here, you may be confused. If you hold this “re-existence” outlook on life, should I have lived a life of nothing or nothing?
Of course not.
“Re-existence” outlook on lifeDoes not mean that you should have nothing or do nothing. It means that you should not be bound and bound by the things, identities, positions, etc. that you have, otherwise you will lose Realize the possibilities of life and the opportunity to experience a rich life.
If you want to change from the “re-occupation” outlook on life to the “re-existence” outlook on life, how do you change it?
About this, I explored two main methods:
1) Be aware of your thoughts
Ire aware of your rising desires for “possession”, and when they appear, remind yourself that you can turn these desires into experience.
Since life is a process and an experience, it cannot become an entity, and all that you possess will eventually be lost, so why do you have any reason to cling to those possessions, and Not focusing on the experience and feelings at this moment?
2) Follow the moment
The “re-occupation” outlook on life will draw us to the future or the past: regret the pain for the things that we didn’t get in the past, or worry about the things we want in the future.
So, if you can pull your attention and attention back to the “now” from time to time, and the moment of the moment, you will find that this moment is very meaningful. To experience it is to Rich and vivid enough, so why stay in the past or the future?
2, The second different life
Since I was young, my grades have been good. I always ranked in the top three in my class, and whenever I took the first place in the class, my dad would remind me without exception: “You do n’t Pride, ** one year older than you is better than you, you need to continue working hard. “
So, I realized that it was not enough to just take the first class. I had to compare not only with my classmates, but also with my older brothers and sisters who were one level higher than me.
And this constant comparison, the mentality of wanting to win has continued on me for many years, from reading to work.
After work, the content of this game has been slightly adjusted, but the essence is still the same, and it becomes: see who gets promoted earlier, who earns more, who lives in a larger house, and whose wife is more beautiful. See who’s smarter.
At this time, I found that not only myself, many people around me have the same mentality.
This kind of mentality that we want to continue to win, let us gradually forget our curiosity and exploration of the vast world, lost the joy that we should have in childhood and adolescents, and gradually lost in winning and losing. In the persistent result. Zh
Since then, we have never escaped this “winning game” until the end of life.
A way of life like this is what I call a “limited game.”
It is a life that aims to win or be better than the people around it, and has always lived within the boundaries of the mainstream values of society.
If you choose this view of life, you will soon find that when you first start playing games, you have plenty of time. At that time, you had dreams, expectations for the future, and infinite possibilities for life.
However, as time goes by, or is surrounded by mainstream values, or you take the initiative, you invest in the “limited game” again and again, and turn the infinite possibilities you once had into The only alternative way.
At this time, choices are becoming more and more important and more and more difficult. You often start with a sense of crisis where you are not careful and lose everything.
When you are young, you can easily make decisions about dating, changing jobs, and studying abroad. However, as you get older, the opportunity cost of making every decision increases with each passing day. You believe that you must not continue to be willful, and you should live a “should …” life.
So, while you are still far from the end of your life, you have determined the end of your life.
It can be said that the essence of this outlook on life is: You are using your options and possibilities in exchange for “victory” compared to those around you, and you are giving up “our true freedom” Get “victory in the eyes of others”.
So, what is the “life view of infinite games”?
The “life view of infinite games” is not to win and compare, but to proactively extend the time to a lifetime, and to continue the attitude of life with the game being played.
So, if you uphold the view of infinite games, Then you are no longer a serious actor in your life, but a joyful poet.
Obviously, this is a broader outlook on life and a more interesting way of life for people.
But how do you achieve this change in your outlook on life?
To complete the transition from “limited games” to “infinite games”, you need to change your beliefs and do the following three points: Eliminate time and space boundaries, eliminate character boundaries, and modify rules.
What is the elimination of time and space boundaries?
For example:
Don’t go to the limited game of “Reading the MBA before the age of 35”, but go to the infinite game of “Learning and gaining wisdom in a lifetime”.
What is removing character boundaries?
For example:
Don’t go to the limited game of “I’m a civil servant, so I can only be a civil servant in my life”, but go to the infinite game of “I’m a civil servant, but I can also be a designer.” .
What is a modification rule?
For example:
Don’t go to the limited game of “I want to be richer and have a bigger house than her”, but go to the infinite game of “I want to know myself and I want to explore this world”.
If you can really expand boundaries and explore boundaries, your life will become very different.
Because the life of limited games has a script, the life of infinite games is legendary.
Last words
The Old Testament says, “Please throw away everything you have and free yourself from all restraints.”
Maybe it’s time for you to examine and think about your outlook on life … I hope my article can bring you a beam of light, and I hope you can share this beam of light to more people, Change their lives …
Author I Ai Fei, editor I Zixia
About the Author:
Effie, Author of “Strike the Essence” (published in 2019), Global Certified Advantage Trainer > Personal Growth Coach, Contributing Author & ITT Certified Trainer, Former Leader of Fortune 500 China Market
Since I was young, my grades have been good. I always ranked in the top three in my class, and whenever I took the first place in the class, my dad would remind me without exception: “You do n’t Pride, ** one year older than you is better than you, you need to continue working hard. “
So, I realized that it was not enough to just take the first class. I had to compare not only with my classmates, but also with my older brothers and sisters who were one level higher than me.
And this constant comparison, the mentality of wanting to win has continued on me for many years, from reading to work.
After work, the content of this game has been slightly adjusted, but the essence is still the same, and it becomes: see who gets promoted earlier, who earns more, who lives in a larger house, and whose wife is more beautiful. See who’s smarter.
At this time, I found that not only myself, many people around me have the same mentality.
This kind of mentality that we want to continue to win, let us gradually forget our curiosity and exploration of the vast world, lost the joy that we should have in childhood and adolescents, and gradually lost in winning and losing. In the persistent result. Zh
Since then, we have never escaped this “winning game” until the end of life.
A way of life like this is what I call a “limited game.”
It is a life that aims to win or be better than the people around it, and has always lived within the boundaries of the mainstream values of society.
If you choose this view of life, you will soon find that when you first start playing games, you have plenty of time. At that time, you had dreams, expectations for the future, and infinite possibilities for life.
However, as time goes by, or is surrounded by mainstream values, or you take the initiative, you invest in the “limited game” again and again, and turn the infinite possibilities you once had into The only alternative way.
At this time, choices are becoming more and more important and more and more difficult. You often start with a sense of crisis where you are not careful and lose everything.
When you are young, you can easily make decisions about dating, changing jobs, and studying abroad. However, as you get older, the opportunity cost of making every decision increases with each passing day. You believe that you must not continue to be willful, and you should live a “should …” life.
So, while you are still far from the end of your life, you have determined the end of your life.
It can be said that the essence of this outlook on life is: You are using your options and possibilities in exchange for “victory” compared to those around you, and you are giving up “our true freedom” Get “victory in the eyes of others”.
So, what is the “life view of infinite games”?
The “life view of infinite games” is not to win and compare, but to proactively extend the time to a lifetime, and to continue the attitude of life with the game being played.
So, if you uphold the view of infinite games, Then you are no longer a serious actor in your life, but a joyful poet.
Obviously, this is a broader outlook on life and a more interesting way of life for people.
But how do you achieve this change in your outlook on life?
To complete the transition from “limited games” to “infinite games”, you need to change your beliefs and do the following three points: Eliminate time and space boundaries, eliminate character boundaries, and modify rules.
What is the elimination of time and space boundaries?
For example:
Don’t go to the limited game of “Reading the MBA before the age of 35”, but go to the infinite game of “Learning and gaining wisdom in a lifetime”.
What is removing character boundaries?
For example:
Don’t go to the limited game of “I’m a civil servant, so I can only be a civil servant in my life”, but go to the infinite game of “I’m a civil servant, but I can also be a designer.” .
What is a modification rule?
For example:
Don’t go to the limited game of “I want to be richer and have a bigger house than her”, but go to the infinite game of “I want to know myself and I want to explore this world”.
If you can really expand boundaries and explore boundaries, your life will become very different.
Because the life of limited games has a script, the life of infinite games is legendary.
Last words
The Old Testament says, “Please throw away everything you have and free yourself from all restraints.”
Maybe it’s time for you to examine and think about your outlook on life … I hope my article can bring you a beam of light, and I hope you can share this beam of light to more people, Change their lives …
Author I Ai Fei, editor I Zixia
About the Author:
Effie, Author of “Strike the Essence” (published in 2019), Global Certified Advantage Trainer > Personal Growth Coach, Contributing Author & ITT Certified Trainer, Former Leader of Fortune 500 China Market
About the Author:
Effie, Author of “Strike the Essence” (published in 2019), Global Certified Advantage Trainer > Personal Growth Coach, Contributing Author & ITT Certified Trainer, Former Leader of Fortune 500 China Market