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This is different from North China. Women in some parts of North China have the right to dominate divorce. This is related to the economic independence, concept change and the disadvantaged position of men in the marital market. Divorce is difficult to get married again. The young daughter-in-law has a high family status, which means that she can “distress” and control men and integrate the family through divorce. For example, the public space for men is reduced. Later women can pull men back into small families, forcing men to take responsibility for their growth. Of course, the daughter-in-law is also a strong side in the relationship between mother-in-law and mother-in-law.

Let’s get divorced

The rural areas of the Pearl River Delta are different. Let ’s look at a few cases.

“Women’s divorce is mainly involved in their own borders. In addition, the husband has not played his own role. For example, a 33-year-old man feels that his wife has not listened to her mother. ‘She is my mother. You did something wrong. I should admit my mistake to my mother ‘, but there is no one who is right and who is wrong, and if the wife often admits her mistake to the mother, it will lead to a decline in status,’ the husband did not think about my feelings from my perspective ‘, and finally divorced after intervention. Two I ’ve only been married for half a year. My wife has no status and is determined to leave. “

“In the extended family, women are under great pressure. Mother-in-law cannot let go and cannot abdicate. For example, last month, there were couples, the man was 32 years old, the woman was 28 years old, and the man was married late. Both parties got married two months after they knew each other. With a baby, come after you have a baby for help, the baby was only three months old and wanted to divorce. Mother-in-law has been interfering with their lives, the son is a little bit Ma Bao, the mother is right Listen to my wife. There is a contradiction before the child is full. The mother-in-law must take the child. The child is sick with pneumonia. The mother-in-law thinks that she should drink Chinese medicine. The daughter-in-law thinks that she can’t drink Chinese medicine at a young age … But her mother-in-law refused to bring her, and her husband was very supportive. She had been deadlocked, and her husband did not go to find his wife. She wanted to divorce after three months.

“My husband and wife are helping my mother-in-law. My wife rides an electric car home to charge. My mother-in-law said that the danger of charging would explode.” The husband knows but does not send me to work, and does not buy anything that does not need charging. ” Take the car to your maid’s house to charge and go home. The maiden’s house is nearby, and the husband is completely unaware. The woman thinks that the husband has no responsibility and has no right to speak after marriage, including her own baby. But now the man has noticed himself Problem, husband and wife can live in harmony. “

“Men do n’t enter the state of marriage that fast. For example, the (love) is very sweet. (Marriage) After registration, we still operate marriage and family according to the previous role. For example, newlyweds, the woman lives in the man’s native family. The man has not realized his role as a husband, but still uses his son. When the mother-in-law lives together, the daughter-in-law cannot participate in the original family, the daughter-in-law has the expectation to run a new family, and the husband brings her to the original family. “

There are still many such frictional cases, involving conflicts between mother-in-law, child-raising, and incompatibility between husband and wife. A single friction will not lead to divorce, but “disappointment is simmered little by little, which is a fuse.” Of course, these are all appearances, and we have to dig out the formation mechanism behind them.

The Pearl River Delta is at the forefront of reform and opening up. The economy is developing and concepts are changing. The shape of individuals, families, and villages by modernity seems to be deeper and faster than that of rural areas in the central and western regions. Is working. The divorce of young people is also caused by the combination of traditional and modern factors. Why do most of the life friction type divorce, why do women take the initiative to propose a divorce?

Couples living together do not share the same wealth, and father and son are separated regardless of the family.
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In general, the synchronization of women’s independence and family core will reduce intergenerational conflicts, because without space and events to activate intergenerational conflicts, life frictions will also decrease. This is common in the Midwest, but also Marriages are rarely broken due to friction in life.

The local family form is a functional united family, which is different from the resource-accumulation families commonly found in the Midwest. “Couples live together without the same wealth, and father and son are separated.” Core synchronization. Young women have their own work and independent and disposable economic income. Women have strong individual consciousness, but they must live in joint families and live with parents-in-law and even brother-in-law. When modern women encounter traditional families, various kinds of life frictions are bound to occur. Coupled with the influence of the family structure in the clan area, young daughters-in-law will be in a marginal position in the family. Although economic independence may not form an economic dependency on the husband and the family, “Children are very expensive, but mothers are left unattended at home < span class = "text-remarks" label = "Remarks"> (me) , children blame their mothers if they have problems. ”

“Young women will be very depressed in the family, and they will experience depression after giving birth to their children, especially their second child, and even seek psychological counseling.” In addition, domestic marriage and (local men and women from other regions) bring about life friction and marriage breakdown caused by local marriage. (local men and local women) , because many daughters from other places have no joint family life experience in their original family before marriage, so they must be included in a joint university after marriage. In the family, many local societies and the rules and cultures of the family are difficult to learn or cannot adapt, which brings a lot of friction in life. “Either hold back or leave (Divorce) .”

In fact, in traditional times, women in clan areas lacked a sense of belonging and security when they entered the husband’s family. Now, women can gain a sense of security through economic independence, which can reflect their relatively weak position. For example, she wants to allow men to Parents need to pay for meals and allow men to participate in various public activities. Instead of transforming men through marriage like young daughters-in-law in North China, the opportunity cost of divorce for both men and women is low because they are in the highlands of the national marriage market. For example, the separation of husband and wife’s property means that it is easy to divide the property at the time of divorce, and it is easy to marry and remarry after divorce.

In Chinese and WesternIn these regions, the family’s goals are clear, focusing on urbanization and children’s education, and family resources are relatively tight. Therefore, family resources (economic resources, labor resources, etc.) Integration is needed, “so that life can have a head start”, and family members, including young couples, need to be twisted into a rope to serve the realization of family goals. This means that for this family, for children, many Things including life friction can be tolerated.

Locally, young people ’s family goals are unclear. Due to their parents ’abundant material accumulation and in-situ urbanization, young people have“ one step in place ”at the beginning of family establishment, with a house and a car. The weak family integration brought about by the weak family development goals is why local couples can form the urban logic of “cohabiting together without wealth”.

A lot of young people give their children to the elderly when they have them, or hire a babysitter. “I worked a day shift during the day, and I have to take my child back at night. I ’m too tired to have my own. Time and space. After work, I want to find a girlfriend and a friend to go to a tea shop for tea and chat. ” Child rearing has the function of family integration and social integration. Parenting children together can strengthen the bond between husband and wife and generations, and husbands and wives without children also weaken the common bond. “There is not much concern and fetters.”

Unclear family goals weaken the bond between family members and make life frictions easier to manifest rather than suppressed.

Difficult family roles

On the Internet, we often see young people jokingly saying, “I’m still a baby, why should I bear so much?” A person’s psychological age and physical age are not necessarily synchronized, and mental maturity is not only related to age, but also to the social and cultural environment in which she / he is located. Marriage is an important sign of adult ceremony. There are a series of rituals before and after marriage. After young people enter the marriage, especially after having children, both men and women need to change their roles. Men should try to become the pillars of the family. To be a good husband and a good father, and women to be a good wife and a good mother, to take responsibility in the process of managing marriage and family together, and gradually mature.

For the post-90s generation, marriage and childbirth do not constitute a sign of adult ceremony. On the one hand, the marriage ceremony is simplified, there are no tedious rules, and there are still many “bond marriages” in the local area. , Then accidentally conceived before unmarried and gave birth, and then married; on the other hand, child care must be shared between generations or managed by the market, which is a compressed family life, from marriage to child careBaby, the family break-in time is shortened, and the family run-up cost is increased. It is difficult for young people to change roles in this compressed family life.

Many young people said, “It was so sweet when we were dragging, and all kinds of contradictions came after we got married, especially after having children.” For example, “Squeeze toothpaste, one likes to squeeze from the top, one likes to squeeze from the bottom, then simply buy two toothpastes and put them at home.”

Also, the difficulty in changing roles is also related to the environment of young people. Many of them come from declining children’s families. They have a better material life since childhood. They did not have much social experience before they became a family. rely”. “They don’t know what the purpose of marriage is and how to run a family.”

Each person will play a different role in different fields at different stages. Similarly, the dynamic changes of the family life cycle and family structure also require each family member in it to perform role debugging. When a young woman enters a three-generation family whose family boundaries are relatively blurred, not only the daughter-in-law needs to change her role, but also the husband and the elderly in the family must change roles simultaneously.

However, as a “foreigner”, a young woman wants to run a good family with her own expectations. However, in such a family structure, her mother-in-law is unwilling to let go. To coax a daughter-in-law is to fight with her mother-in-law. ” Men also play the role of pre-marital sons rather than husbands after marriage. His focus is not on small families. She will be depressed and want to free herself from the family. When there are more conflicts in life, women may choose to actively divorce, and the opportunity cost of divorce is not high.

“I have a young child and an older child (husband) , I should take care of me when I marry you, But the post-80s and post-90s generations have no ability to take care of me, and I have the ability to take care of myself, and I have to take care of you and take care of you. ”

In fact, if young couples, especially men, can consciously change roles, life friction will be reduced a lot, so the breakdown of marriages will be reduced accordingly. Judging from the investigation, the intervention of marriage crisis by professional social workers or psychological practitioners enables young couples to be aware of their roles and find the source of contradictions, which has effectively avoided the breakdown of a considerable number of families. Do n’t know how to deal with marriage and family. ”

Consequences of modernity?

In short, local young people are divorcedMost of the types are life friction divorces, and most of them are women. Economic independence and conceptual change are common factors. The particularity of the locality lies in the fact that women’s economic independence is synchronized with the united family. Modern women encounter traditional families. Public opinion in the village society and abundant economic resources have given the elderly the right to speak. ; Unclear family goals weaken the common bonds of family members, and the contradictions in life can continuously produce and reproduce the family centrifugal force. Women will experience marginal status in such a structure. The height of the marriage market makes both men and women have autonomy in marriage. Women cannot discipline men through marriage, but she can choose to escape this structure when she can’t bear it. “I can find a better one.”

From our research, there is still a series of issues behind the marriage of young people worth discussing. For example, the problem of sexuality education of minors behind the change of ideas, the misunderstanding of sexuality education knowledge needs of minors and the current supply of conventional sex education knowledge in schools and families, minors acquire sexuality education knowledge through online media and peer groups, and information on the Internet Good and bad are different, and children lack the ability to identify and judge information, which can easily lead to a lot of irregular behaviors. Opening does not necessarily lead to liberation, which obviously needs to be paid attention to.

What’s more important is understanding the family. Families link individuals and society, and are the most basic social unit. How to maintain the integrity of the family structure and restore the sacredness of the family to provide a foundation for each of us to live and play is vital. And what is the goal of the family after the well-off family? Where are people in the age of material abundance? Where your house? Where is society?

Perhaps this is the “consequence of modernity.”

This article is from the WeChat public account: industry study (ID: hangyeyanxi) , author: Chenzhong Jie