Lessons learned from wrong decisions.
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Editor’s note: Many lessons are learned when you make a mistake, so the lessons learned by people are the most valuable. Joshua Press is one such person. The things he did not deserve to do include relationships, study, work, and life, and there are many things to learn from. The original article was published on medium with the title: 20 Things In Life That Are Just Not Worth It
This article came to me one night when I accidentally read the question on Quora. I’m still new to the platform, and I feel that I should answer a few questions and feel the platform.
I saw a question above: “What are 20 things that are not worth it?” Thinking of my unsatisfactory experience, I felt a bit of bitterness, and I was thinking, “Oh yeah, I answer this question most Suitable. “
This seems to be a great opportunity to discover these feelings, and maybe turn them into lessons or as a reminder to individuals.
My list is sometimes controversial. But to my surprise, my answer was somewhat successful. I think if I list it and extend it, it might bring some value to others.
Note that these are based on my own experience and observations. So I will speak in a less formal tone.
Which 20 things are not worth doing?
1. Dating someone who has been traumatized or abused in the past but hasn’t handled it well.
We should sympathize with the victims and give them every opportunity possible. After all, what happened to them was not their fault.
This response is appropriate.
But not everyone is trying to get better, or not even getting better.
Wounded people hurt people. Be careful if you are vulnerable to others, otherwise you will be abused.
Some of these struggles are necessary, but if you plan to accept those becausePeople who have suffered personality problems due to injury or abuse, such as (out of self-protection) people who are not fully committed to their promises; playful (for power); constantly making bad decisions; addictive; or because of their fault And the person who punishes you-take a step back and say that long-term watching will also hurt you.
2. Cooperate or work with each other just because they are friends.
I have always been more friendly to people. Just to maintain this affinity or out of common interests, I always die face to face and commit crimes. I am committed to abiding by agreements that ultimately lead to huge failures.
Some friends have never paid me enough to find me for work. Some people who follow me haven’t trained their skills to a useful level, and some friends are simply unreliable or misrepresented.
You should cooperate with each other based on their skills, reputation and comprehensive professionalism. If you happen to get along well, that’s even better, and that’s often the case.
3. Under pressure to do that kind of thing with someone.
In order to avoid conflicts, women are often forced to treat the thing between the sexes as an obligation, or “do what the other party expects”, and women often feel obliged to avoid confrontation or “do what they expect And men also feel that this is an obligation, so as not to be seen as embarrassed in that respect. These starting points are tragic for things that should have been lovers’ love.
You have to understand that your body is yours. Your values and situations are up to you. Who you get along with and how you get along with it are up to you. Don’t succumb to external pressure.
This is your inalienable right. If you feel uncomfortable about something, you must not give in, because you behave as if your feelings are irrelevant. You may think that you won’t remember these occasions, but they will stay there.
If you don’t defend yourself, who else will?
4. Intentionally pursue “spirituality”.
Many people who deliberately pursue the spirit of the new era seem to end up selling some of these ideologies, products, or become more confused. This philosophical revelation is often “nothingness,” “existence,” and “non-self.” This may hinder self-actualization.
Self-realization means that as a defined thing, you have to use your talents and develop your potential. However, the spirit of the new era portrays you as something beyond definition.
This may cause your ambitions to cease, eroding your ability to use your skills and potential. Will take away the sense of value ladder that makes you pursue something rather than others, and you will lose motivation. It replaces the vision of the future with the eternal present. Many people were held back and became hesitant.
Ego is the devil of this spiritual brand. Ego is actually aPhysical identity / personality rather than collective identity. Tribal culture puts animals above people, nature over civilization, and abstraction over concrete … You will find that advocates of this philosophy will dress up in tribal style to reflect this.
5. Challenge others’ political positions online.
Many things online threaten your values, forever.
Unless this gives you a clearer picture of where you or others are-it’s a waste of time. Others will almost never change their minds, so if you want to fight, choose your opponent.
To be honest, it doesn’t matter how many “sprays” or “Nazis” you killed, anyway, as long as you respond to a sarcastic article, you may be provoked, provoked or satirized.
6. Get angry on social media.
Scolding is emotional. The purpose is not necessarily to share carefully analyzed information, but to vent it. Once you get emotional, what sounds valid and reasonable seems to be unreliable to those who casually flip through social media. And in their eyes you may be like an idiot who knows nothing and cannot control himself.
This will only cringe you in the future.
Good catharsis is usually like this. They will analyze a situation for a period of time and restrain themselves with the calm thinking of professionals. This will provide fertile soil for cultivating eloquence and insight, rather than The diarrhea was a thousand miles away.
7. Drink alcohol regardless of occasion.
This conclusion is not difficult for everyone to accept. But it’s like when you have a bad experience, a bad decision, or a drunk, any lessons that you can learn suddenly disappear from memory-but if you take a good look at it, it sounds like Quite reasonable, right?
Alcohol can help bring a good time, but it can also destroy a good time. Wine seems to make people a little more open, but it also makes people more animal-like. Receptions arouse desire and aggressiveness, and these primitive impulses are often suppressed in order to maintain the necessary daily etiquette.
8. Let an addicted person give up the addicted person.
In my experience, they will not accept it.
If someone’s insecurities cause them to become addicted to what I say, and then this creates an alternative reality in the mind of the addict, and rationalizes any consequences of the addiction, then they will have difficulty extricating themselves.
You tell them that something has to stop and they won’t admit it, because it means destroying their own lives instead of preventing them from being destroyed. This kind of dissuasion is often not effective.
These people must come to their own conclusions, and they will not seek help unless their lives are dealt a heavy blow and their illusions are shattered.
9. Mixed with loversQuarrel.
Do you really want to mix things up like this?
As a result of blending, you may become a scapegoat for their conflict. Sometimes breaking up costs too much, making them fall into delusion.
For example, some people completely refuse to believe that their partner has deceived themselves, even if multiple friends have told themselves, even the person who slept with the other person told him / her not to believe. Some people are reluctant to leave despite emotional manipulation or abuse. If this is an ethical choice, don’t mix in.
10. Social media
Social media is a great organizer for communication and liaison, but it will consume your precious time. Social media is deliberately trying to get you on it. Your brain will adapt to that mechanism and reward your participation.
As time goes on, this will lead to habits and dependence. Your impulses will be drunk, and your habits will run counter to your goals.
According to a study conducted in 2012, U.S. companies lose $ 650 billion in social media losses each year, and today things can only get worse today. How much time does this cost you?
11. Blind research or infotainment online.
If you are the type that consumes a lot of infotainment or read a lot of articles before going to bed until 3 am, because you know all the interesting things happening in society, or want to know everything about multiple topics that interest you If you are a person, you will be overwhelmed by the flood of information. If you do n’t consume these things for a specific project or purpose, you wo n’t remember anything in the end.
This problem is tricky, because this behavior will make you believe that you are learning, but the strong dissatisfaction after consuming more information still exists, and it feels like you have been playing video games. .
Deep learning takes time and focus.
12. Engage in work with low safety standards.
One day, when I was working outdoors, a thick metal plate on top of my head fell off, cut to the side of my head, and fell to the ground. I was almost dead that time.
Why did this thing fall? Because the handle of a fixed pile foundation was too thick and blocked the way, my boss thinned it half with an angle grinder.
This is a big wake-up call for me, because I hate this job. If I die on the job I hate, I will be more angry, anger to the distortion of time and space, let me come back to life, go Revenge for that damn fence
Do you really want to be killed by some idiot? It’s not worth it.
13. Buying unnecessary luxury goods is not for the middle class.
This is how people lose money. They want to buy fame, not reputation.
This can be a car that you bought on loan, with the latest electronic products at that time, always eating food instead of saving money or investing.
It’s really hard to determine if you really need / want / deserve something, but there is always a voice for you to make an excuse.
Remember, delayed gratification is the main determinant of success.
14. I know I have to work and stay up late the next day.
Yes, it’s as if your mother was babbling beside me, but even then I still have to babble because I don’t think I can do it.
If I have more things the next day, I will stay up all night, because I will be under pressure and I am afraid that I can’t finish things, so I want to assault in advance. But the result of staying up late is always more painful the next day, and then no longer have the energy to take care of their activities and goals.
Sleeping well is important to the body, mind, and reason. It’s easy to think of sleeping as something you can sacrifice, but this is not the case.
15. Dating with people with different views.
No, love can’t defeat everything.
“No matter how amazing the chemical reaction is at the beginning, if the two sides don’t agree, your chance of getting married will be greatly reduced.”
― Chana Levitan
It is possible to live with someone who ca n’t get along for years. It ’s possible to live with each other for years. You will each think that you are right and try to change another person, so in the end it is a struggle for power.
Understand your values and personality, and find someone similar to yourself, but maybe not too close, because a little challenge is a good thing.
Sometimes compromise only breeds resentment.
16. Revenge.
If you really understand revenge as a means to pursue fairness, your understanding is futile. The only true fairness is when one understands their mistakes and regrets how big they are, and makes the right effort or sacrifice to correct them, and their new values will keep them from making mistakes .
Unfortunately, this fairness is only destined to come from their personal knowledge, but a certain degree of fairness stems from the fact that if they are not aware, they have not grown up. They are not yet mature.
Revenge can’t let anyone learn anything. You gave the perpetrators evidence that you were actually as bad as them, so that they could find a reason to justify their sins.
17. Ignore your own potential.
People will ignore their potential, manifested in the field of their hobbies or signs that show such delaysThis skill creates a complex, painful and uncertain tension.
Everyone’s disregard for these things is a tragedy, because these things will allow them to develop into who they want to be, and let them provide value in the way they want, although this process involves fear and self-doubt. .
18. Do things you don’t like for a long time or work with people who are bad to you.
This will kill your confidence and waste your precious time. Your life will become routine, and nothing more. Developing a psychological, emotional, or even physical escape is not a healthy behavior.
We should always set a vision and work hard to help motivate ourselves in life and show our true self.
19. Higher education without a plan.
The only thing left for you is a useless degree and a lot of debt. Sometimes, if you are ready to work and willing to take risks, start a business and go your own way, maybe better. Most people say that they learned everything they know now at work. Of course it depends on your career choice. If you are a chemist staying in the basement and doing research, everyone may not believe you.
Also, be careful of those humanities. These disciplines are certainly valuable, but it seems that not many people are willing to hire you as a philosopher.
Certainly, by showing sophistication or erudition, can help you get a job, but if you want to go this route, you may also have to have excellent entrepreneurial skills to make a living.
20. Looking for fun in your 20s is always whimsical.
Of course, you can do something like this. It is good to have travel and work experience. I’m not suggesting that you have fun, but if you are not stressed because you are only in your 20s, when you realize that you have not achieved anything until you are about 27 to 30 years old, you will run into serious obstacles. Know how to keep the rest of the day, and those time wasted before you thought about the future.
Also be careful about making hasty decisions, especially when it comes to interpersonal and sexual matters. You may be trapped by someone long before you have a chance to determine your values.
As you experience more life, do your best to make plans and develop your skills.
Translator: boxi.