We share our distress not to get advice, but to find a way that suits you.

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Editor’s note: Active listening, sometimes called empathic listening, is a listening technique that has been used in a variety of professional settings over the past few decades. Although you may not be interested in advising someone you love, everyone can benefit from learning the principles of active listening and using these principles to become a better confidant and listener, thereby improving your relationship with those around you. This article is translated from medium, the author of the article Jeana Marie, the original title of How to Practice Active Listening to Improve Your Relationships.

To improve relationships, you need to practice the

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In a summer tutoring course in the summer of 2019, I started to have some understanding of active listening. What this course teaches me about active listening seems to be common sense. For me, I find myself interested in active listening and body language.

However, the real point is to avoid giving advice or personal opinions and asking open-ended questions. It was really difficult at first, but the more I practiced listening actively, the more I discovered that my relationship with the people around me, especially my children, felt more open and the deeper I could communicate. I now listen more and judge less, asking questions instead of assuming I know how others feel. Only when I really hear the feelings of others and set aside my thoughts can I more easily put myself in their shoes. In this way, they can have a greater understanding and empathy for the confessioner.

You may have heard Active Listening and even tried using it in your own life. However, I found that mastering active listening requires real practice, and I can offer you some ways to help you deepen your relationship with those around you.

Common communication modes

When we ask friends or family for advice on solving problems in our lives, we do hope for something—in most cases it may be confirmation, contact, or help with a solutionSomething tricky.

We often call our best friends, sit next to our other half, or text our parents, hoping that they can listen to our questions and gently guide us to action. These troubled conversations, or the informal conversations we have with others about our problems, are the main way many of us deal with everyday difficulties. We feel more lonely and confused when they don’t give feedback as we think.

Although we have certain expectations, what we get from these conversations is not always what we want. We often feel judged or misunderstood when we leave the people around us. We want others to listen to us, but we hear their personal opinions. These already fragile views shape our thinking and make us believe that our feelings are invalid or stupid.

Other times, we get unsolicited suggestions, but instead of helping us, they make us feel pressured and have to take some action to make us not sure what we really want doing what.

The problem is not that our confidants don’t care or don’t do their best, but because people don’t really listen to each other.

This is what we do ourselves: we are always busy solving other people’s problems, or expressing our views on this situation in words, without stopping to resonate with them. We don’t realize that trying to solve their problems sometimes keeps them away from decisions that really make them happy, or just listening to their voices and confirming where they are now makes them feel heard and understood.

People come to us (or we go to them) not to solve their problems, but to share their distress and try to find their own way.

This is where active listening skills come into play. Active listening, sometimes called empathic listening, is a listening technique that has been used in a variety of professional settings over the past few decades. It is part of a training course for consultants and therapists, life coaches, law enforcement and medical personnel. Although you may not be interested in advising someone you love, everyone can benefit from learning the principles of active listening and using those principles to become a better confidant and listener.

What is active listening?

Active listening is more than just sitting quietly listening to your lover. It involves devoting themselves to the conversation, wondering what the other person is saying, and unwilling to provide suggestions or opinions.

Active listening-not passive listening-is difficult to master at first, but once you start practicing this technique, you will find that you have a closer relationship with others.

To listen actively, you first need to be as clear-minded as possible. Take a few deep breaths, turn off the TV, set your phone aside, and set aside any personal interference mentally, and do your best to focus on the other person.

Then invite them to start sharing their experiences. You can do this by asking an open-ended question or an inviting statement, such as, “Tell me how have you been?” “some type of. Most importantly, you need to let them know that you are curious about what they are going to say. Show a real interest in their situation and feelings.

Some tips for active listening

When they start talking, try to practice the following techniques. Pay attention to body language and intonation. Note any gestures they make. These will give you clues about their mental state and help you understand their situation. If they wave their arms and use a loud, provocative voice, you can conclude that they are injured or angry. If they are quiet and tearful, they may need extra perception and comfort from your conversation.

Every observation you can tell you how to respond. Some people want harsh love, while others need gentle contact, and by engaging in a conversation in a way that respects their needs, you deepen your relationship with them.

If the conversation is deadlocked, you can use open statements or questions to elicit more information (“How do you feel?”, “What options do you have?” Situation “etc.). This is one of the most important parts of active listening, but also the hardest part.

Try to start your question with “how” or “what,” or simply “tell me more” to start your question.

In casual conversations, we are used to asking closed-ended questions that begin with “whether you”, “is it right” or “can you?” Questions, it is easy to stifle the answer of the respondents.

During the entire conversation, you can ask the other party to clarify and summarize what he said. This is the key to helping them really feel heard and understood. You also have to confirm some information with them, you can say: “It sounds like the relationship between you and the boss is really tense. This seems to affect your ability to work, you are considering leaving the company. Does that mean? “

You will find wording that suits you, but the point is that by communicating with others, they will know that you have heard their voice and you understand their situation. When they leave, they will feel that you really understand what they mean, and they are more likely to come to you when they need help in the future.

Finally, try to use neutral, effective sentences throughout the conversation. You might say, “That must be difficult to deal with,” or “You did a very brave thing.” Such statements do not inject personal opinions, but they do confirm and support the actions of others.

Translator: Hi Soup