Don’t bother me
Editor’s note: This article is from WeChat public account “ Concrete Zuo Luo “(ID: fangdushe520), author Changan.
In our traditional cognition, it may be a bad thing to trouble others, but in real life and work, if you do n’t know how to trouble others, you may bring yourself trouble and trouble.
I work in a law firm, and I hired an intern with a more introverted personality. It seems a bit daunting to deal with work and relationships. I think the newcomer is inevitable, but after two months, I found that he was not only scared, but also inefficient and often made mistakes.
In the second month of the probation period, I talked to him and asked him if he had any difficulties or doubts at work. He replied that things that were just accountable would not be done.
“You have been here for two months and you are unfamiliar and can’t do it. Why didn’t you ask other colleagues?”
“Sorry to trouble them.”
I can understand that when he first came here, he was so embarrassed that he was unfamiliar with everyone. In fact, it’s not just new people in the workplace, many people are afraid of trouble.
In fact, knowing to trouble others is one’s top emotional intelligence.
“I do n’t know how to trouble others in the workplace. I ’m so tired that I ’m broken”
I have a friend who is a well-known strong woman in the circle. She is capable and independent. No matter how difficult it is, she will do it on her own. She will never bother colleagues and subordinates. Her outstanding ability to work quickly made her stand out in the company, she was promoted to a supervisor, and she was also recognized by the head office at the end of the year.
But when I had dinner last month, she told me tiredly, “I’m about to collapse.”
After being promoted to supervisor, she didn’t dare to relax for a moment, she wasted her work every day, she wanted to be creative, plan, and talk about cooperation. She hoped to go further each month. Lying wearily in bed late at night, closing my eyes but full of brains are all work chores, and I often fall asleep at four or five in the morning.
I remember the news of Sudden Death I often saw on the Internet, to comfort her to take a good rest, and let her subordinates share the work.
She said she didn’t want to bother others.
She has a strong ability to work personally, but ignores a place where the workplace is result-oriented and requires concerted efforts to accomplish goals.
For individuals, it may take a lot of effort to complete the work,However, it is possible to sacrifice work efficiency because they do not know how to “trouble others”.
For example, I am good at writing legal complaints, but I am not good at doing PPT. Then I do n’t have to do all the work myself. The more efficient way is to complete the part I am good at. PPT asks other colleagues, or arranges an assistant to help . Cooperating with each other so that everyone can show their strengths and values, this is also a more cost-effective way for the company.
Some people prefer to work alone overtime and work hard instead of asking for help. It is called “Fear of Trouble”. This may be related to the education we have received since we were young. We are constantly being inculcated with the idea that we should not bring our own troubles to others, do things that can be solved by ourselves, do not bother others, and do not easily bend back if we are inflexible … < / p>
Besides that, there may be two mentalities behind:
First, fear of being rejected.
Some people may think: If I ask for help, do n’t refuse, what will I do? Is it embarrassing? Or I will do it myself …
Finally, the team may be hindered because the work is not completed efficiently.
Second, I can do it alone.
Some people are more confident in their work, even arrogant. When encountering difficulties and troubles, they are unwilling to ask for help on their own, and want to do everything themselves to get satisfaction.
They have a strong ability to work, but they will make themselves particularly tired, and it is easy to lose strength when work pressure increases.
In fact, knowing how to trouble others properly at work can not only improve personal work efficiency, but also help build harmonious interpersonal relationships .
“It turns out that those who will bother others Social relationships are better”
I used to work for an Internet company. My colleagues in the department are seniors with more than four or five years experience. As a newcomer Xiaobai, I tried very hard to integrate into this department, but found that the gap between age and experience is like The gulf that cannot be bridged.
They talk about work. I seem to be watching a fairy fight. Even when chatting, I ca n’t wait to take notes. I ca n’t keep up with their thinking and I am afraid to communicate with them.
I’m very embarrassed, I can only do my best to do a little bit of the thing at hand, I dare not ask more, I am afraid to cause trouble to colleagues.
What rescued me from this dilemma was my “same desk” Xiao Zhu, an old employee who stayed in the company for five or six years, and was very capable. On the tenth day I entered the company, he Talk to me:
“Can you help me sort out the data in these two tables? I’m in a hurry to plan a case, and rush to use this.”
It’s just two forms, but one of the most useful things I did in my time, because it helped him. Later, Zhu often asked me for help. I started to do some work-related things slowly, and we gradually became familiar with it.
At the time I was happiest when I was “troubled” by my colleagues. Even if I asked me to copy documents, I felt as if I was more involved in the team.
I find it very strange. Xiao Zhu often troubles others at the right time, but everyone is willing to help him, so his efficiency is always extremely fast, and his popularity is also very good.
Later, I started a new job with a vague understanding of this behavior. I found that many people like Xiao Zhu have the ability to understand and bother others in common, but everyone is happy to help them. Getting along with them is also very enjoyable.
Song Siming in “Snail House” once said something like this: “You have to move often about the relationship. The more you move, the more you are unclear, and the more you are unclear, you will rot in the pot. Always be able to You can distinguish between you, me, and others. “
If you think about it, in fact, it often gives people trouble, but it will make others feel “he asks me for help because he needs me”, and he will feel valuable and respected, which will help to build closer relationships between colleagues relationship.
Some psychological studies have shown that after being helped by a helper once, they will feel that they have paid for it, and will not be willing to end the relationship. With one or two visits, there will be more trouble and trouble, and the relationship will become better and better.
Ren Zhengfei once looked back on the past in a year of no confusion, he sighed:
“I used to face adversity in life, and I was very isolated. When I understood the political connotation of the phrase unity is power, it was a long time of confusion. When I think of my embarrassing years, I do n’t think so Childish and ridiculous, don’t understand openness and compromise at all? “
Persons with a particularly independent personality always want to be all-powerful, and most of them are unwilling to give trouble to those around them. They think that asking for help means weakness and incompetence.
In fact, those who know how to trouble others seem to show their incompetence and show weakness to others, but in fact they are better able to win popularity.
It can be troublesome, It is one’s top emotional intelligence. But it is troublesome, it is a technical task.
There are many benefits to knowing how to trouble others, but if you “trouble up” others in the wrong way, it may not only not solve the problem, but make things more complicated, and even make you feel like you are annoying. Others are bored.
So, troublesome people is a technical job, knowing troublesome people is a person’s top emotional intelligence.
How do people with high emotional intelligence “trouble” others? The following four points are for your reference.
01 Think for yourself, you ca n’t solve it, then ask for advice
Some simple questions, you can directly open Baidu, Zhihu and other searches. For example, how to add a form to word, and what is Article 16 of the Marriage Law? Searching for common sense questions by yourself is simple and fast.
If you always ask some low-level questions, it will make people feel that you are wasting his time, and some questions that mainly rely on experience and depth, you can think about it first, and then ask the other party for verification.
A problem that has been carefully considered and analyzed will bother others and make it easier for others to feel that he is needed and respected.
02 Watch and watch, choose the right time
In the workplace, each person has his or her own job. When you need to ask others for help, you must first observe and understand each other ’s status, and find the right time, that is, to have vision.
For example, the other party has been working more relaxed recently and is in a good mood. Then you can try to “trouble up” him. If you obviously feel that the other party is busy or upset, try not to bother.
03 Explain the problem concisely, without wasting the other person ’s time
When asking for help, it ’s best to be concise, explain the subject directly, and show what help you want.
For example, the intern asked me, “Are you free now? Can you do me a favor?”
I have to ask it again: “Not busy, what’s wrong?”
She started talking about things:
The supervisor handed me a bunch of case materials last week. I read some of them. Many of them are not particularly clear, especially one of the intellectual property dispute cases. I do n’t think there is something wrong with the materials, but I ’m not sure, I ’m afraid to talk directly to the supervisor, so can you help me look at it?
Hearing her talk about the whole front, I realized that I wanted to help me look at the material. If she said directly at the beginning: “Do you have time now? I would like to ask you to look at the divorce case materials. This way I can quickly determine whether I can help, the path and time of communication. < / p>
04 Thanksgiving, it’s not difficult to ask for help next time
There is a sentence called “Gracefulness in case”. If you accept the help of others, you must have feedback, such as a word of gratitude, occasionally bring a cup of milk tea, dessert, WeChat to a red envelope, which not only allows the other Pleasant mood will take your relationship one step closer and you will get help the next time you ask for help.
The Book of Songs said: “Pick me for papaya and return to Qiongyi. Bandit reporters also, always think it’s good.” That’s the truth.
Trouble with each other, but also perfection with each other
Writer Jiang Fangzhou once shared his unwillingness to trouble others:
I used to advocate independence. Even if I was tangled, I would not ask for help. I wanted to carry everything myself. At the same time, because there is no need for others, I rarely help others, resulting in a narrow communication circle. At that time, my biggest wish was not to trouble anyone’s life. But later, her mother taught her to show weakness and ask for help.
Aristotle said that people are social animals. No one can separate from society and exist alone, relying on each other is a human instinct .
From this perspective, the “trouble” between people is actually the mutual need to complete each other, knowing to trouble others, is a reflection of a person’s high emotional intelligence.
May we all learn to “trouble others” and get more helpHelp and harmonious interpersonal relationships.
I used to work for an Internet company. My colleagues in the department are seniors with more than four or five years experience. As a newcomer Xiaobai, I tried very hard to integrate into this department, but found that the gap between age and experience is like The gulf that cannot be bridged.
They talk about work. I seem to be watching a fairy fight. Even when chatting, I ca n’t wait to take notes. I ca n’t keep up with their thinking and I am afraid to communicate with them.
I’m very embarrassed, I can only do my best to do a little bit of the thing at hand, I dare not ask more, I am afraid to cause trouble to colleagues.
What rescued me from this dilemma was my “same desk” Xiao Zhu, an old employee who stayed in the company for five or six years, and was very capable. On the tenth day I entered the company, he Talk to me:
“Can you help me sort out the data in these two tables? I’m in a hurry to plan a case, and rush to use this.”
It’s just two forms, but one of the most useful things I did in my time, because it helped him. Later, Zhu often asked me for help. I started to do some work-related things slowly, and we gradually became familiar with it.
At the time I was happiest when I was “troubled” by my colleagues. Even if I asked me to copy documents, I felt as if I was more involved in the team.
I find it very strange. Xiao Zhu often troubles others at the right time, but everyone is willing to help him, so his efficiency is always extremely fast, and his popularity is also very good.
Later, I started a new job with a vague understanding of this behavior. I found that many people like Xiao Zhu have the ability to understand and bother others in common, but everyone is happy to help them. Getting along with them is also very enjoyable.
Song Siming in “Snail House” once said something like this: “You have to move often about the relationship. The more you move, the more you are unclear, and the more you are unclear, you will rot in the pot. Always be able to You can distinguish between you, me, and others. “
If you think about it, in fact, it often gives people trouble, but it will make others feel “he asks me for help because he needs me”, and he will feel valuable and respected, which will help to build closer relationships between colleagues relationship.
Some psychological studies have shown that after being helped by a helper once, they will feel that they have paid for it, and will not be willing to end the relationship. With one or two visits, there will be more trouble and trouble, and the relationship will become better and better.
Ren Zhengfei once looked back on the past in a year of no confusion, he sighed:
“I used to face adversity in life, and I was very isolated. When I understood the political connotation of the phrase unity is power, it was a long time of confusion. When I think of my embarrassing years, I do n’t think so Childish and ridiculous, don’t understand openness and compromise at all? “
Persons with a particularly independent personality always want to be all-powerful, and most of them are unwilling to give trouble to those around them. They think that asking for help means weakness and incompetence.
In fact, those who know how to trouble others seem to show their incompetence and show weakness to others, but in fact they are better able to win popularity.
It can be troublesome, It is one’s top emotional intelligence. But it is troublesome, it is a technical task.
There are many benefits to knowing how to trouble others, but if you “trouble up” others in the wrong way, it may not only not solve the problem, but make things more complicated, and even make you feel like you are annoying. Others are bored.
So, troublesome people is a technical job, knowing troublesome people is a person’s top emotional intelligence.
How do people with high emotional intelligence “trouble” others? The following four points are for your reference.
01 Think for yourself, you ca n’t solve it, then ask for advice
Some simple questions, you can directly open Baidu, Zhihu and other searches. For example, how to add a form to word, and what is Article 16 of the Marriage Law? Searching for common sense questions by yourself is simple and fast.
If you always ask some low-level questions, it will make people feel that you are wasting his time, and some questions that mainly rely on experience and depth, you can think about it first, and then ask the other party for verification.
A problem that has been carefully considered and analyzed will bother others and make it easier for others to feel that he is needed and respected.
02 Watch and watch, choose the right time
In the workplace, each person has his or her own job. When you need to ask others for help, you must first observe and understand each other ’s status, and find the right time, that is, to have vision.
For example, the other party has been working more relaxed recently and is in a good mood. Then you can try to “trouble up” him. If you obviously feel that the other party is busy or upset, try not to bother.
03 Explain the problem concisely, without wasting the other person ’s time
When asking for help, it ’s best to be concise, explain the subject directly, and show what help you want.
For example, the intern asked me, “Are you free now? Can you do me a favor?”
I have to ask it again: “Not busy, what’s wrong?”
She started talking about things:
The supervisor handed me a bunch of case materials last week. I read some of them. Many of them are not particularly clear, especially one of the intellectual property dispute cases. I do n’t think there is something wrong with the materials, but I ’m not sure, I ’m afraid to talk directly to the supervisor, so can you help me look at it?
Hearing her talk about the whole front, I realized that I wanted to help me look at the material. If she said directly at the beginning: “Do you have time now? I would like to ask you to look at the divorce case materials. This way I can quickly determine whether I can help, the path and time of communication. < / p>
04 Thanksgiving, it’s not difficult to ask for help next time
There is a sentence called “Gracefulness in case”. If you accept the help of others, you must have feedback, such as a word of gratitude, occasionally bring a cup of milk tea, dessert, WeChat to a red envelope, which not only allows the other Pleasant mood will take your relationship one step closer and you will get help the next time you ask for help.
The Book of Songs said: “Pick me for papaya and return to Qiongyi. Bandit reporters also, always think it’s good.” That’s the truth.
Trouble with each other, but also perfection with each other
Writer Jiang Fangzhou once shared his unwillingness to trouble others:
I used to advocate independence. Even if I was tangled, I would not ask for help. I wanted to carry everything myself. At the same time, because there is no need for others, I rarely help others, resulting in a narrow communication circle. At that time, my biggest wish was not to trouble anyone’s life. But later, her mother taught her to show weakness and ask for help.
Aristotle said that people are social animals. No one can separate from society and exist alone, relying on each other is a human instinct .
From this perspective, the “trouble” between people is actually the mutual need to complete each other, knowing to trouble others, is a reflection of a person’s high emotional intelligence.
May we all learn to “trouble others” and get more helpHelp and harmonious interpersonal relationships.
Writer Jiang Fangzhou once shared his unwillingness to trouble others:
I used to advocate independence. Even if I was tangled, I would not ask for help. I wanted to carry everything myself. At the same time, because there is no need for others, I rarely help others, resulting in a narrow communication circle. At that time, my biggest wish was not to trouble anyone’s life. But later, her mother taught her to show weakness and ask for help.
Aristotle said that people are social animals. No one can separate from society and exist alone, relying on each other is a human instinct .
From this perspective, the “trouble” between people is actually the mutual need to complete each other, knowing to trouble others, is a reflection of a person’s high emotional intelligence.
May we all learn to “trouble others” and get more helpHelp and harmonious interpersonal relationships.