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01.

The existence of the illusion of “free will” often leads us to overestimate our abilities and ignore the role of the entire age and environment on individuals.

Before 2019, the speech and social atmosphere of many young people were generally positive.

I went to Hangzhou in 2016. At that time, the Internet industry was extremely prosperous. Everyone thought that they could quickly gain career development in the next few years. I believe there are opportunities everywhere.

In such a social environment, the knowledge payment industry is also thriving. Numerous big Vs praise refined personalization with refined and professional articles. Numerous young people are enthusiastic about “self-growth.” .

In such a climate, the role of human “free will” is infinitely exaggerated. You are unsuccessful because you do not work hard, you do not have money because you are not self-disciplined, you do not get the favor of the opposite sex because you are not good enough.

However, once the growth rate of the big age slows down, or even falls into the stock game, opportunities shrink, salaries plummet, and competition rises sharply.

So the trend of public opinion has become negative again. The hot topic has become how “mourning” the modern young people’s lives can be, how difficult it is to find a job, and how a programmer is 35 years old. The anxiety of layoffs has become a surge in the number of civil servants who have been admitted year after year, and it has become the subject of repeated “class solidification” over and over again.

When people do not enjoy the dividends of the great era and realize their own small struggle against life, they will understand how weak the so-called “free will” is.

02.

In the context of the big age, individual will and effort are very weak.

In fact, no matter what the situation is, our own will is basically very “weak”.

“We are very dissatisfied with some of our own situations, which makes us very painful. I want to change, but I ca n’t take action. So I repeat this knowing pain day after day but I ca n’t. Resolved status. “

Such a situation is actually very common. The fundamental reason is that we think that we have the ability to control our actions without thinking, and that this is justified, and we never open our eyes. Look at the reality.

The reality is that most of the time, we ca n’t control our actions. Some people know that drug use will die, but they ca n’t quit. Two points still ca n’t stop playing the game; You know that you have to pursue boldly, and then you have the possibility of pushing your favorite young lady down, but you never dare to take that step; This situation reflects: our “thinking” and the overall “psychological structure” have a certain “disconnect”, just like in a company, only one operating director feels the crisis of the company, The director desperately wanted the company to run quickly, but others didn’t listen to him, but continued to eat and die.

Our rational thinking ability is the lonely operating director in this metaphor. Although you can recognize the reality, you cannot control the entire company with your fingers.

Your rational thinking ability can’t control your whole self as well as your fingers, you can’t control your emotions, and you can’t control your behavior at will.

In the classic positive psychology book Elephant and Riding Elephant Man, Jonathan Hite uses the elephant rider to describe our rational thinking function, and the elephant to describe our emotions and emotions. , Genes, physiological inertia and other parts that are not directly controlled by us.

This state of “consciousness is clear but incapable of action” presents an internal division that almost everyone has: division of mind and body, division of reason and emotionThe division of left and right brain, the division of control and automation.

But the fundamental reason for this separation is that Our rationality is slowly and unconsciously separated from emotions , rational communication with the outside world, and gradually soaking In the social rules, a set of logic of reason itself is formed. This set of logic is often incompatible with your own emotions and subconscious.

The most typical is the “materialization” caused by the capitalist social environment to people. People begin to chase capital and treat and “use” themselves according to the logic of capital.

In such a situation, The person himself has been turned into a tool for the purpose of “utilitarianization”. The result of utilitarianism is the rigidity of emotions, silence, Can’t flow.

A very typical example is: in modern society, love has become a luxury jewelry. People no longer rely on feelings to enjoy love, but in accordance with such criteria as the number of real estate, the level of salary, the quantitative score of face value, etc. To make a choice.

I’m not saying that choosing a spouse according to these criteria is wrong, I just explain a psychological level fact: Emotions will be distorted once they are quantified.

People often feel that they have some inexplicable emotions that cannot be clarified by ourselves. We often don’t understand why these bad feelings occur. The reason is that emotion is distorted at the beginning, so it can no longer be understood and accepted by you purely. Remember this: The consequence of a severe separation of reason from your emotions is that you will find yourself producing many emotions that you cannot “understand”.

In psychological counseling, the visitor often tells you that he “knows” he has some kind of emotion, or “Know” What the facts are, but always “Feel” They don’t exist.

03.

When our reason is immersed in materialized standards, “rational desire” will be magnified exponentially, and you can easily feel panic and anxiety in comparison with others; subconsciously believes that in these materialized evaluation standards, through the so-called “effort” to make himself rise to a higher level, is the solution to anxiety.

But it’s not. This is an illusion.

The motivation driven by anxiety will drive you towards greater anxiety. A motive driven by calm and contentment will drive you to greater peace.

Like the elephant rider on the elephant, he whip his whip in an anxious attempt to drive the elephant to the mountain, but the elephant has its own direction, and it will not be because of your anxiety Just leave it to you. The more anxious you are, the more you make this wayward elephant unable to move, the more anxiety you get when you watch yourselves stay away from your target.

04.

“I’m always ignored by others, which makes me miserable. I know that raising my level in social standards can solve my pain.

But I would rather immerse myself in pain than take action to improve myself. Because I feel that although I am in pain, I am used to it, and I will feel a sense of relief in this pain. Or tell myself that as long as I don’t care about the neglect of others, my pain will disappear. “

Many people don’t understand. In fact, our “emotion” is a “function”. Emotion itself is not a problem to be solved, nor is it the object we want to target.

Although we are used to using positive and negative dichotomy to distinguish emotions, in fact emotions are very complicated. Just as we “feel” to “pain”, one of the effects of pain is Eliminate moral pressure.

We will think that we are in pain and have been “punished”, so it is reasonable not to take action or change.

This is why “Pain” can make us feel relaxed , because pain can play a role in feelings of guilt, self-blame, etc. “Offset effect” .

Therefore, if we are always immersed in “pain”, we can always “offset” our evil feelings such as mistakes and incompetence. Emotion has its own operating logic, and it will do its best to achieve the internal balance of the “elephant”. This “superego” and “The “individual” conflict has actually plagued humans since ancient times.

What the public accounts that have successfully learned and constantly beat you up is actually essentially making you infinitely identify with the superego internalized in your heart by the rules of the external world, and you The ego disappears, making you a purely utilitarian. Some denominations, such as Buddhism and Taoism, and some psychological schools implicitly emphasize that you are more identified with the ego, so as to break free from the superego.

As for my opinion, this is the way: the bondage of the superego must be broken, but it is not necessary to identify with the chaotic and complex desires of the self, accept the existence of social rules and instinctual desires, but it is not complete Identify with them, but surpass them and become yourself.

05.

The most typical social environment that Xiang Chao-e identifies with is my Daming, who advocates “saving nature and destroying human desire”. In fact, the social environment is very depressing.

The most typical social environment that I have identified with me is that some African countries are currently trapped in chaos, struggling with each other, and promiscuous laziness.

A person who agrees with the superego will be very rational, utilitarian, and repressed. It will become a tool for chasing after fame or living continuously to satisfy the desires of others;

A person who agrees with me may become an insulted and degenerate generation, or he may be a genius with a naive personality who is obsessed with his love of the field. It depends on your mental genes. Embryo.

The most painful is the person who strongly agrees with the superego and at the same time strongly agrees with the self , this person will be utterly discriminated by social rules and his own desires The opposite force is constantly pulling, and his heart will be in a state of exhaustion for a long time “working hard to maintain a crumbling broken vase”.

You want to be a respected and great person in the rules of society, and you want to be completely free to do whatever you want; The best state in your fantasy is “whatever you want, not Do what you want to do responsibly, without being restrained by others “, and at the same time gain worldly achievements, as well as worship, praise, and recognition from others.

is not to say that a person who does what he likes cannot achieve worldly success. The key is that those who are pulled by the desire of the superego and the ego at the same time, although they claim to “be themselves What I like to do “, but the key point they emphasize is that they can” do irresponsible and freewheeling “to do what they like to do.

A casual example. For example, this person is a programmer. Although he likes programming, he hopes that the company will not assign him work tasks, allow him to choose which projects he wants to do, and whenever he does n’t want to do it. Can quit, no one set a deadline for him, and get a decent high salary.

But it is clear that such unrealistic desires are simply impossible to achieve. Because there is an inherent contradiction between the superego and the ego.

06.

The ingrained “dual opposition” in human thinking, which leads us to inevitably fall into a certain contradiction in explaining things.

A person who is deeply involved in the oppression and tearing of the superego and the ego. The suggestions he can receive often emphasize that he agrees with the superego or that he obeys the ego, if given With a neutral answer, people tend to unconsciously lean towards one end because of their subconscious preferences.

But the real answer is actually neutral. You need to get rid of the pressure of superego, that is, you need to be aware of the many social rules and moral requirements that do not make you overly obsessed. also needs to be controlled beyond the desire of the ego. You need to see that our instincts are actually very willful, do not have sophisticated advanced wisdom, and therefore cannot be overly self-indulgent.

To use Sakyamuni’s words, it is “ Not obsessed with both sides “.

I am eager for the approval of others, but it is very painful. This pain itself must be seen through. We must realize that the excessive desire for approval by others should not be the most important thing in your life; Because of laziness or stubbornness, you have been trapped in a boring life for a long time. This kind of slackness and laziness also needs to be corrected.

But how can we achieve this “separation from the two sides” state?

I can only tell you what to do in the first step. After the first step is completed, no one can tell you the answer and you need to find it yourself.

The first step is to clean up your heart first.

Each of us is stuffed with our desire to be shaped by various social rules and the instinctual impulse of being guided by the convenient Internet due to decades of survival inertia, and you are Such habits and adaptations are controlled by these desires and instincts, so that you even feel that these desires, these instinctual impulses are you.

The desire to get the recognition of others, to achieve worldly achievements, the desire to live in a big house and to roll Rolls Royce and Rolex constantly stimulates you, teases you, and they constantly urge you To satisfy them.

But think about it, how long have you never been in a state of brain relaxation, a relaxed heart, and no state of anxiety?

When you do not have these desires in your heart, you can eagerly recognize them, and you can clearly feel what you are currently doing to make yourself happy.

Once your brain is filled with desire, you have no ability to clearly recognize yourself and the reality.

It’s like your army has been unknowingly countered by your enemies. It is impossible for you to win such an army.

So you have to give yourself a vacation so that you can stay away from all kinds of stimuli, problems you used to think about, things you used to pursue, let go of your desires, and let go of your worries.

Do n’t use “I ca n’t do it”, “I do n’t know how to stop myself”, “Even if I leave myself on leave, I will unconsciously think like the past” as an excuse, our The brain has inertia, and this inertia requires you to consciously apply the brakes to it.

Once you find yourself thinking about the same content as in the past, you consciously stop, divert your attention, and focus on something else.

Give yourself 5 to 7 days of retreat to clean up the traces of past habitual experiences on your body. Let those old patterns gradually recede and your brain Stay in a sober, relaxed state.

If you really do n’t know how to get rid of the old inertia mode, then the easiest way is not to make any plans, buy a ticket to a city you like but have not been, Fly over and play for seven days.

Sudden immersion in the new environment can also play a role in cleaning your old mental model.

Some people will ask, I feel that the method you are talking about has nothing to do with the question at the beginning. Can you solve my problem by doing what you said? In the end, you didn’t say how to solve this situation, and how to eliminate my pain!

Yes, the method I said does not solve you, Because this is a “yourself” problem.

For those who are already stuffed with various theories, suggestions, prejudices, and ideas, giving you more so-called “suggestions”, no matter how perfect and comprehensive it is, it is actually true. You cannot play any substantial role.

The biggest effect of these suggestions is that when you feel anxious about your “problem”, you can read them, pretend that you will follow these suggestions, and then “solve” your problem.

But in fact you know that you will never actually follow the steps like step 1, step 2 and step N, because if you have this kind of execution, you actually start Will not be bothered by the conflict between the superego and the ego.

So, Don’t rush to “solve” the problem, but let yourself have the status of solving the problem first.

Of course, judging from my many years of consulting experience, When you let your mental trash be emptied and you are no longer unconsciously controlled by the old model, what is now called “problem “Often no longer exists.