This article comes from the WeChat public account:One (ID: yitiaotv), author: Ye Li, from the title figure: vision China
On May 21, 2020, Li Yalan, deputy to the National People’s Congress, proposed separate legislation for campus bullying, which caused heated discussion.
Compared with school violence, it is noticed because of explicit injury, while emotional bullying is a kind of spiritual manipulation, hidden deeper.
Every few months, we can always see hot spots such as PUA, mind control, and sexual harassment on the hot search list. Young women in love and newcomers to the workplace from the beginning of campus, because of lack of experience in dealing with intimate relationships and interpersonal relationships, the relatively weaker side, more vulnerable to emotional bullying from lovers, teachers and supervisors.
At the beginning of 2020, the Department of Sociology of Zhejiang University gave a lecture on “Gender Equality, Sexual Harassment, and Emotional Bullying”, which received enthusiastic feedback from netizens.
What percentage of young people have received PUA of varying degrees from teachers, lovers and superiors? Where is the boundary sense of interpersonal communication? After breaking away from bullying, did the shadow once accompany them? How can we protect ourselves?
With these questions in mind, a questionnaire was launched about “PUA to Dark Hours on Campus”. On the basis of respecting the self-will and privacy of the interviewees, we conducted in-depth interviews with 5 young people and interviewed ZhejiangLi Jing, Associate Professor of Grand Sociology, further explores the deep-seated causes of emotional bullying and how to deal with them.
In a love relationship, “This is an extremely dangerous emotion”
Narrator: Xiao Gu, 25 years old
We are all first in their respective professional grades. Before that, I hadn’t been in love. Basically, I didn’t have male friends. I was cold and had many female friends. He belongs to the “great god” in the eyes of his classmates and is very valued by the teacher. He is relatively close to the teacher in the school presidium and often shoots films for the school.
Look up, we have a public class together. He contacted me through my friend’s Weibo, and after a few weeks of contact, he proposed to “go out to live”, and I decided to black him.
During the four years of college, even after I was admitted to graduate school, he did not stop pursuing me after staying in the same campus. I mistakenly thought that he had a deep affection for me and promised to be with him. Too.
After being together, he did not cherish me, but constantly hurt me in words and deeds. He degraded my ideals. I said that I wanted to go to Russia to study a doctor of music. He thought I was unrealistic and shared it with my classmates as a joke; he pushed all my mistakes to me: at homeThe clothes he threw, but he blamed me for saying that it was so messy since I came to the house; he gained weight because of me; the reason for our bad relationship is my bad temper and bad personality; even if it was painted in the car Every lipstick will be scolded to affect his career.
I communicate with other people of the opposite sex normally. They post something on the social platform that has nothing to do with me. He will assume that I am derailed and pinch my legs very angrily. In more serious cases, I will press me on the bed and pinch My neck fanned me fiercely.
(The source of the picture distribution network, not related to the characters in the text)
The last breakup was because he saw my chat record with my classmates. In the record, I refused the request for men to make up classes because I was afraid of my boyfriend’s anger. “He was irritated on the spot.
That night, I suffered countless slaps and fists. I scolded him, and he hit my mouth fiercely; I threw a bowl, and he beat me fiercely, saying I broke his floor; I reported After the police, he grabbed my cell phone and scolded me for ruining him like this, “it’s really vicious”.
When my friend came to pick me up, my entire face was swollen, covered with bruises and blood bubbles. The scars on his legs that had pinched me before hadn’t gone down. It was about 20 more in diameter. A centimeter of dark purple bruises.
After this incident, we finally broke up. When I interacted with him and just broke up, I also often fell into self-denial. Even for the past many years, the damage caused by the darkest experience in that life is irreversible.
But now I finally understand that moving is not love. I want to be with people who appreciate each other. The other person appreciates you, but you do not appreciate each other. This is an extremely dangerous emotion.
Fortunately, now I have realized my dream of studying music. But I really thank my friends, family, teachers and my current boyfriend. I work hard, professionallyThe brilliance that exudes, those small achievements and the respect of others make me feel that I can love and deserve to be loved.
(The source of the picture distribution network, not related to the characters in the text)
“As soon as the graduate student enrolls, he threatens that he cannot graduate”
Narrator: Sophie, 25 years old
After so many years of studying, the most serious PUA is a graduate teacher.
At that time, I was only studying for the first semester. When I first entered school, he threatened that I could not graduate. He depreciated my ability to work, not simply dissatisfaction, but through some tone of speech and ways, and micro expressions, which deliberately made me feel uncomfortable.
Normal relationship with me in normal times. But I don’t know the day when the teacher is in a bad mood, and my attitude, tone of voice, and expression will become extremely dissatisfied and intentionally suppressed.
In addition to me, I also saw that the teacher stimulated other students. Some stimulation points are not important to me, but I can see that other classmates are stimulated by him to manipulate their emotions.
(The source of the picture distribution network, not related to the characters in the text)
Brainwashed in the workplace: “No one wants you to go to other places like this”
Narrator: Chun Chun, 29 years old, former consultant
The bullying I encountered in my last job has so far left my heart palpitated.
It’s a local consulting company with about one or two hundred people. The model is project-led. The company’s partners pull the project and then hand it over to the project manager with four or five consultants. The project time is 2 to 3 months.
Before starting employment, I feel that the consulting industry has a halo, because I can often meet with senior management of different companies, many of which are large-scale companies, to solve the strategic problems of Fortune Global 500 companies. Fun and challenging. After joining the office, I found that I had no life outside of work.
I am more amusing, but my immediate boss, the project manager, is more serious. He works like a robot. He never speaks with emotion. Typing is also “Thank you as soon as possible.” There are never punctuation marks or spaces.
The content I submitted is often said to be bullshit. To change it according to his meaning, it is some words, and some layout layout of PPT is changed. In the past, two lines are placed in three lines, and one line is placed in three lines. The two lines may be to satisfy his sense of control.
Another example, if the proposal was challenged by the customer’s challenge(question) during the meeting with the customer, he would also breathe out to us, clearly through He agreed with the plan, he would say that we did not do well, did not think enough, customers can see how we did not see it. Moreover, even if they have finished their work in those days, they will not get off work at 9 o’clock.
(The source of the picture distribution network, not related to the characters in the text)
Even after work, I was lying in bed at 12:30 in the evening. I received a message from him and asked me to change it immediately, and gave it to him within half an hour. A consultant needs to be online 24 hours, “is a basic requirement.” He also often said to me: “No one wants you to go anywhere like this.” And they will ask me back, your performance, when they are asked to comment on my promotion in the future, what shall I say?
I realized his routine later: on the one hand, he used language to make us feel incompetent and control our thoughts; on the other hand, he manipulated our bodies with specific meaningless tasks. I feel that my body and mind are not good, the nerves are highly nervous, and I feel fear every time the phone shakes.
I never communicated these with others at that time, because I thought I was a strong person and felt embarrassed to say it. Even though I have been away from this job for several months, I still dreamed that I was on the road and suddenly received a phone call to change things.
(The source of the picture distribution network, not related to the characters in the text)
I have been mentally oppressed for 3 years, and I have only slowly recovered my strength after leaving him
Narrator: Lantern, 22 years old
I was in the same school as his elementary and junior high schools. When I became a classmate in high school, I started to have contact. Because of family reasons, I was sensitive, fragile, and inferior during that time. I needed the care of my friends and those around me, and he happened to take on such a role, so we naturally became a couple.
The first date, the school grove, he pinched my ass, I was very surprised at the time, it was completely beyond my imagination of “fall in love”. He repeatedly emphasized that those physical contacts are proof of our intimate love.
But he suddenly broke up when I accepted and immersed in this “private” relationship, for no reason, but “actually we are not suitable”, which caused me huge psychological damage. After I was completely heartbroken and desperate, he suddenly asked me to recombine and frantically said sorry to me, it seemed to me better than before.
After a while, he repeats his old tricks again, the reason is always “I love you too much”. The breakup and recombination play was staged several times, until I couldn’t stand it anymore, the first time I offered to break up, but I didn’t expect it to be the start of my nightmare: he stood openly at my desk and stared at me every day after class , Completely disregarding the eyes of the classmates; handing me a small note with the sexual fantasies about me, forcing me to recall his uncomfortable physical contact during the exchange.
He insulted me with words, trying to defeat my self-esteem and personality, he said “you are not worthy”, “you are dirty”, “no one in the world will love you, except me”; he blocks me after class, Later, he stepped up and started following me more than once, following me, and threatening me. But I couldn’t find anyone to talk to, and I was ashamed to talk.
Sexual harassment of this kind lasted for three years in high school. His mental pressure on me, the sexual harassment of his eyes and behavior never ceased, until I got rid of him in college and also from the Internet.After learning relevant knowledge, I slowly recovered my strength.
Pictures provided by respondents
“Do not come back, don’t you come back”
Narrator: Lao Yi, 24 years old
When I was with him, I especially believed in love. He is a friend of my brother. He is more than ten years older than me. He was very kind to me at first. There is really a kind of being a big man. (He has 187 cm ) feels well protected. But the good times are not long, and in less than half a year, he “revealed.”
He plays games at home for a long time, and rarely walks his dog. So it became my sole responsibility for the dog’s eating and drinking. Once his express arrived, let me go down to get the express and walk the dog by the way, and he continued to play “League of Legends.” In a blink of an eye, the dog was lost. I tried very hard and still couldn’t find it, he said coldly: “Do not come back, don’t you come back.” After that, I would stop telling me anything. After he fell asleep, I carefully went to sleep next to him. But he started kicking and kicking me…but fortunately the next day, the dog returned.
Pictures provided by respondents
He also likes to pick on my clothes. My black sweater is not good-looking and I change it. I disagree. So he pressed me against the wall and tore my clothes apart, and smashed all my cosmetics on the table. Another time, he went home drunk and kicked at my calf as soon as he entered the door. The next day, I told him that I was kicked purple kick kick swollen leg, he did not respond at all.
He owes a lot of money, he has borrowed money from our family and said that he will definitely marry me and treat me well. He also wants to mortgage the house to my family, but my family totally disagrees and let me leave him quickly Go a little further, but I didn’t believe it at that time. He also often said that after you broke up with me, you certainly could not find someone as good as you to me. It seems that if you don’t borrow money, you don’t love him. I was really “Virgin”.
But now I think about it, if you find that the other party has a little tendency to violence, you should definitely leave early. At that time, my friends may have discovered my bruises, but I did not choose to talk to my friends.
The word PUA has spread widely among the masses. The latest incident was the Baoli incident of a girl in a Beijing university. A large number of SMS screenshots, deduced from the timeline, we see the spiritual manipulation and coercion of one party’s slowly invading the other party.
PUA’s full name, Pick-Up Artist, originally referred to some sort of talking skills. With the spread and fermentation of the Internet, everyone now uses this word, which has a broader meaning-an evil emotional manipulation in sexual intercourse.
PUA, mind control, sexual harassment and other news often appear on the hot search list. Someone said, “I’m not sure if I was PUA, or if the other party has really learned that set of technologies and strategies, but because of the word, I really realized that someone is controlling me.”
More than half of the people think there is a clear “PUA phenomenon” on campus
In a questionnaire survey on “PuA Campus to Dark Hours” initiated, more than 50 valid questionnaires were received within a week.
For this manipulation method, 37% of the people have encountered the other party to establish your own sense of superiority by hurting your self-esteem; 22% have been established by the other party with some tough principles, such as you do not obey me, it is not enough Love me; more than 17% of people have experienced a certain degree of physical violence.
When we tried to talk directly with the person who left the message, many people still refused, saying that they did not want to recall; there were also interviewees, although the emotions were still telling when things were going on for more than a decade There are strong ups and downs. The long-term impact of this bullying on people’s spirit also shocked us.