This article comes from the WeChat public account:Made (ID: xingshu100), Lecture: Miki, title picture from: Visual China
What I want to share with you today is the female orgasm.
In China, when we mention the word “sex”, everyone’s expression is always subtle, indescribable, and even dare not look directly at it. The definition of Lenovo is also very complicated and rich.
The first thought may be: Sex is vulgar pornography.
In the eyes of most people, sex is equal to sexual behavior. When it comes to sexual behavior, people think of yellow websites and small pornographic films that do not happen in daily life, so people avoid talking about sex and sex.
Sex is vulgar pornography
Some people also think of: Sex is a violent crime.
In their eyes, the occurrence of sex must be violently and semi-forced by men, and women will not really enjoy sex voluntarily and happily.
So in the news, we always see women appear as victims and victims of rape and harassment, and the media often educate women not to go at night and wear short skirts to protect themselves.
Sex is a violent crime
The general consensus is: The desires of men and women are different and need to be treated differently.
However, the isolation and ugliness of sex will not make young men and women show a mature and responsible attitude in sexual matters. Studies have pointed out that when people are taught “sex is a wrong thing”, they are reluctant to wear condoms during sex. Because if a condom is used, it means that they are responsible for what they have done wrong. As a result, the negative attitude makes young people simply not want to take security measures.
The moral restraint of women’s sexuality is not to teach women how to protect themselves, but to strengthen women’s concept of chastity, which is to ask women to abstain from sex, keep chastity and maintain dignity. At the same time, it also implies that only under the umbrella of marriage can women’s body and sex be safe, completely denying women’s own desires and dominance.
Women who grew up under this concept have difficulty facing sex. All along, the public’s cognition of female sexual needs is very limited and single, and the public’s sexual conception still stays in the reproductive and single cognition of pleasing men.
Although today is the age of late marriage and late childbirth, in many small cities, the integrity of the hymen still depends on the reputation of women and the dignity of men. Many women will spare no effort to maintain this small piece of physiological structure and perform hymen reconstruction surgery.
So In this double standard, the sexual repression of women is more profound.
For example, men can say that they like sex, but women cannot say that they like sex. If a man says that he likes sex, others laugh at most about him: You are a rogue, so horny. If a man has a lot of sexual partners, others will only say him: Hello, you have money, you have charm, you can do time management.
However, if a woman likes sex and has many sexual partners, she will be scolded badly: you are very slutty, you are cheap, you are a bad woman.
The desire to be treated differently
In such an atmosphere, most women are ashamed to understand their bodies. There are still many women around us, who have never seen it in their lifetime, nor touched their private parts.
Each year, there are tens of millions of girls who accidentally become pregnant due to lack of sex education, as well as those married women, whose sex life after marriage is not happy either. Because women are often afraid of being passionate in bed, afraid of expressing their needs, and being considered a bad woman.
From the physical development of teenage women, to forced marriage, forced children, to anxiety about desire in their 30s, women need to balance the relationship between family and self. The anxiety about body and desire is with women for life.
Anxiety about body and desire is accompanied by women throughout their lives
At the end of 2015, I started a business and taught 100,000 women to have an orgasm in the past five years. There are 480 million urban women in China today. Although they have achieved economic independence, and even they have a good lifestyle, they have a strong happy-type thinking in their bones.
They still succumb to men sexually and do not know how to please themselves. Next, I will share the confusion of modern women and their current work from three aspects.
My body is my master
First, understand your body structure, the clitoris is your source of pleasure.
Every time I make an offline meeting, I will ask the girls a question: Have you seen your private parts? When did you first watch it?
Because our society makes women feel that their private parts are very private, they are ashamed, ugly, and cannot be seen or touched. But have you ever thought that men have to see and touch their organs every day from childhood to childhood, and they are quite proud, why can’t we girls?
As suggested in the popular vaginal monologue: “You need a separate room, open your legs, use a mirror to look at your private parts and understand your body.”
Studies have shown that women who feel comfortable and comfortable with their private parts are 61 times more satisfied with sex than women who are not satisfied with private parts.
If you care about what your face looks like, you should care about what other parts of the body look like. This is the first step in accepting the body. Understanding your body parts, learning to appreciate it, and accepting it will make you happier.
Secondly, understand the source of your pleasure, the artifact—the clitoris.
know your source of pleasure
I don’t know how many people can recognize it? It is the complete structure of the female clitoris. We all think that the clitoris is a pea-sized pea, but in fact, it extends deep into the body, mostly under the skin.
It looks a bit like a swan, very beautiful, doesn’t it? The sculpture in the picture is an art project of an artist named Sophia Wallace (Sophia Wallace). She hopes to break the silence in medicine and let People understand the real existence of the clitoris.
In GreekThe etymology of clitoris in Lao is “key” because understanding and exploring the clitoris is the key to unlocking the female sex experience.
The clitoris is the source of female sexual pleasure and is definitely not to be missed. Most people may not know that the clitoris and penis are the same tissue, but the assembly method is different. When we were babies, both boys and girls had the same reproductive tissue.
On the 12th week of pregnancy, the fetal reproductive system begins to differentiate. The reproductive organs of both sexes are more similar than they seem. The clitoris also has glands, foreskin, and erectile tissue. All the penis have the clitoris. It also swells when it is aroused.
The clitoris we can see now is only a quarter of it. The clitoris is actually about 10 centimeters long, which is equal to the length of the penis in an erectionless state. The exposed head is called the clitoral head, and inside the body there are the clitoral body, clitoral feet, urethral corpus cavernosum, glands and so on.
Some scientists believe that the G point is also composed of some tissues of the clitoris, and the clitoral head contains more than 8000 neurotransmitting nerve endings, which is twice the head of the male penis. Therefore, girls get clitoral orgasm twice as much as boys’ penile orgasm. The existence of the clitoris is for the female’s sexual pleasure. Pleasure is the only function of the clitoris, and there is no reproductive function at all. Is it great?
Then we encourage everyone to understand the differences between the male and female orgasm patterns, and women are responsible for their own orgasms.
Responsible for your orgasm
In the message question of our WeChat background, the first one is: Why do I not have a climax?
I want to tell you that men and women have different orgasms. People usually divide men’s sexual desire response into four cycles: excitement period, plateau period, orgasm period, and regression period. But women are different, her body needs to be aroused slowly, her pattern is up and down, up and down, orgasm, and relaxation, it is a very fluid process, it is to follow the feeling Gone.
Difference between male and female orgasm patterns
We are used to stuff a woman’s curved orgasm pattern into a man’s straight orgasm, so many people don’t have an orgasm. When a woman knows her orgasm mode, she can rest her mind in the process, concentrate on her own feelings to experience the orgasm, and can also guide the other party to let her orgasm.
Share a short story during the epidemic: a married woman has never had an climax in the past 30 years. Because she thought it might be her husband’s problem, she put up with it. But during the epidemic, the two of them were kept at home every day and used up 4 boxes of condoms in 2 days. Her husband does foreplay every day for half an hour, but she still has no orgasm.
She realized she was her problem and came to us. We taught her to touch her body, and she was very repulsive at first. She told us that when she was a child, her mother would blame her, saying that her body is not good here and there is not good. Therefore, she is not very familiar with her body. She has not touched her private parts. When we first taught her to touch, she said that she felt like crying.
She practiced once without feeling, she was very angry, and felt that she should feel it at first touch. This may be a common problem for women: they are very harsh on their bodies.
Later we let her continue to practice, she practiced at home about five times, and finally had an effect. She is very happy that she can achieve orgasm, which is a kind of self-confidence for her.
Responsible for your own orgasm, this is the basic proposition to achieve women’s autonomy and gender equality
So I found that women’s orgasm is related to people’s bottom confidence. When a woman learns to orgasm herself, sheFind a continuous source of vitality in the depths of the world, it will promote all your daily relationships.
Women should be responsible for their own orgasm by understanding their own body structure, and should not place their happiness on others. This is the basic idea of achieving women’s autonomy and gender equality.
No longer please him
Two real stories are shared here. The first story is “Slag Harvester”.
Stubble Harvester
Chinese women have a big problem in the relationship between the sexes-I don’t know Say No, this is the girl.
Why do she say that she is a “scum man harvester”, because all her boyfriends are scum men. She came to us for help and said that the first boyfriend was introduced by a college classmate. When the first time she went out, the other party would hold her hand. She felt too fast, but she didn’t refuse. The next night, the other party asked her if she wanted to sit at his house, and she did not have Say No, so the boy went to bed with her. Their relationship lasted for about half a year. Later, because this man was imprisoned, he finally didn’t have to meet.
She thought that the emotional bad luck could be over. As a result, the second boyfriend she met would hardly have a relationship with her when she didn’t want it. What about her third boyfriend? A little emotional blackmail, when she offered to break up with him, the boy threatened to commit suicide, and she was depressed for a long time.
Women encounter many sexual problems, not physical problems but psychological problems.
Later, when the teacher of our team helped her analyze, she found that she had been sexually harassed by her cousin in elementary school. Her parents also knew, but told her to be patient. The result of this is that if someone does too much to her, she doesn’t think it’s the other party’s problem, she will blame herself first: Am I misunderstanding him? Did i doNot good enough?
We go to affirm her uncomfortable feeling and help her Say No. When we are doing female pleasure education, we don’t teach you to learn the climax is over, but to help you sort out the boundary sense in the relationship and teach you to clarify and defend your needs.
The second story is “a woman who is always worried that she is not tight enough”.
The female body is not an object to please men
There is a married lady who came to our vagina tightening class because she was worried that her husband was not strong enough. After the operation, she felt that it was not enough, so she signed up to learn Kegel exercises.
As a result of the practice, she was unable to engage in intimacy with her husband. Even so, she still has to take classes and is very willing to practice. She is always worried that she will become loose and she must make her body tight. This situation is like many girls blindly losing weight, or doing various plastic surgery for themselves. They have very high standards for their bodies and stare at others.
Although we are teaching compact classes, we also teach her to release herself and have more patience and love for her body instead of turning it into an object that pleases men.
If you want to create equality and be loved in an intimate relationship, you must learn Say No, put aside the so-called slut shame, and express Yes naturally and frankly. Because both men and women, the ultimate goal of a good sex is that both parties feel at ease, feel cared for, feel responsive to each other, and feel happy.
Public and pleasant cultural atmosphere and values
The first step is to use scientific terms to refer to sex organs, the basic knowledge of universality. Every time whether it is child sex education with parents or sexual health counselor training with practitioners, I will remind you of a very basic step: Sexual desensitization, which is to use scientific terms to refer to sexual organs.
Scientific terms are used to refer to sexual organs
One case was a little girl who told her parents that she had a stomachache, but tests showed that her digestive system was working properly. After a comprehensive medical examination, the doctor told his parents that the child’s vagina appeared to have been raped.
Why do children lie? Because she didn’t know how to address her privacy, she had to use her stomach instead. Because in the eyes of a child, there is no difference between the clitoris and the arm. It doesn’t matter if you use the scientific term clitoris or the slang term “Little Doudou”, it means the same thing to children.
So, it is our acquired education that makes adults embarrassed to call them, and this kind of sexual negative attitude will cause many children to be unable to speak after being sexually assaulted, or even know how to describe that part.
The second step is to popularize the true appearance of female orgasms.
I don’t know if you have seen your facial expressions during orgasm? How does it feel?
In 2018, we launched the “Your Most Pleasant Look” video shooting project.
Why do this project? Because when the public thinks of female orgasm, the mind is full of the exaggerated and unrealistic description in the small yellow film. We want to tell women all over the world through this shooting project that physical pleasure is a beautiful thing.
The third step is to start the pleasure education for men.
Turn on the education of male pleasure
Many men come to our pleasure courses. Because menNot only self-releasing in bed, but also a wish to please your partner, at least get positive feedback from your partner. The education they received was A-picture education, and A-picture was very suppressive to men, because he could never be as long-lasting and attractive as the male actors in A-picture. Treating Xiaohuang films as male sex education materials, binding male sexual ability with male dignity, which makes men very stressed in bed.
There is a married male student who wants to know how to be a sexy person in front of his wife, such as how to flirt? How to create a romantic atmosphere? How to praise each other in the process of intimate contact? How to create daily little fun?
He said that many of the lessons he had taken in the past were to teach him to be the owner of a strong male organ. Otherwise, he would be a PUA lesson, teach him how to make a conversation, and how to make a circle of friends.
So, when we popularize male education for pleasure, we don’t just popularize the concept of gender consent: Yes means yes, No means no. At the same time, we also hope to liberate men’s pursuit of physiology, encourage men to explore various happiness of the body, and refresh men’s concept of physical pleasure.
In the process of starting a business, the biggest inspiration for me is:
When women pursue pleasure, they don’t want to have unruly and bottomless sexual emancipation and revolution, but want to regain the autonomy of the body and achieve a safe and happy sex life; Rights, and the freedom to choose marriage and partners; I hope that it is up to me to decide whether to have a regular sex life, whether to have children, when to have children, and not to suffer violence, coercion and discrimination.
At the same time, we are also helping our partners discover their neglected emotions in relationships, such as kindness, compassion, love, and respect, so that pleasure is no longer tied to vulgarity, but can be linked to a fun and fulfilling life.
Her power = her pleasure
Finally, I want to say that only in the bedroom can a woman be herself, can she become an independent, self-reliant relationship in intimacy, personal growth and public relationsLord, happy individual.
A recipe for slowing and healing the gaps and frustrations in human relations
Human eroticism is not just science and skills, not just pornography and vulgarity, but a recipe for alleviating and healing the gaps and frustrations in human relations, which can help us live a better life.
This article comes from the WeChat public account:Made (ID: xingshu100), Lecture: Miki