This article is from WeChat official account:CITIC Publishing Group (ID: citicpub), author: a letter, the original title: “rocket girl Yamy be publicly humiliated leadership: the attack on the workplace, more common than you think,” drawing from the title: “half Ze Naoki” stills
The day before yesterday (July 21), former Rocket Girl member Yamy published a recording of a company meeting on Weibo. The content was about the company The boss said publicly that she was “ugly, unfashionable, and self-perception problematic” in front of the employees, and the words were very intense.
Part of the recording content exposed by Yamy
The exposure of Yamy’s recordings immediately rushed to hot searches, sparking heated discussions among netizens. Many people said it was a naked workplace PUA, and they all said that they had been or encountered similar situations…In other words, they were humiliated and squeezed by leaders in the workplace. This phenomenon is very common.
Yesterday (July 22) in the morning, the boss in the recording also made a response without hesitation: If you lose control of your emotions during a meeting, Scolding company employees, he apologized and admitted that he is the middle-aged male boss of PUA in the workplace! But he made it clear that he would not apologize to Yamy and accused her of deliberately editing the recording for the purpose of terminating the contract.
Axin would like to discuss with you today, why is PUA so common in the workplace?
And in the workplace, we may not all encounter the bullying of Yamy boss, which is openly insulting, but there is more invisible and more common workplace control than this. Its harm is also terrible, that is < strong>Passive attack.
Crashing workplace PUA
First of all, let’s review the concept of PUA. Its full name is Pick-up Artist, which is translated in Chinese as “to strike up an artist/brainwashing the opposite sex”. It was originally a “talk up technique” originating from the United States.
Later, it was used by people with ulterior motives and became a means of mentally controlling the subject through a series of methods such as psychological suggestion, brainwashing, threats, etc., to deceive feelings, body, and even control the other’s thoughts and life.
According to the “2020 White-collar Living Conditions Survey Report”, 63.65% of the respondents said they have experienced workplace PUA.
The “workplace PUA” experienced by Yamy and many netizens is that the boss/supervisor has been brainwashing and controlling you for a long time, using the slogan of “good for you” but constantly mocking, suppressing, denying and criticizing you. So as to achieve the ultimate goal of making you self-doubt, losing yourself, and being able to be completely controlled.
Yamy mentioned on her Weibo that her leaders had different attitudes towards her:
In the end, Yamy finally began to “only be innocent” and “be afraid of even mentioning a demand” during the long-term suppression and questioning.
In the previous article, we introduced the “gas lamp effect”. Actually, It’s all the same. The leader of PUA to subordinates in the workplace is what we call “gas lamp manipulator”.
Gas lamp manipulation is a kind of emotional control, in which the manipulator tries to convince the other party that he has misrepresented, misunderstood or misunderstood his behaviorFor and motivation, the seeds of doubt are planted in consciousness, making people vulnerable and confused.
It is ultimately an emotional bullying behavior, and the ultimate goal is to make the other party “absolutely obey.”
Part of the recording content exposed by Yamy
As various PUA incidents were exposed (such as the Beida Baoli incident, etc.), everyone became familiar with this routine and became vigilant.
But you may not have thought that there are more secretive, hard to detect behaviors in life that can affect the emotions and thoughts of the other person, such as passive aggressive personality and corresponding behaviors. PUA is just the tip of the iceberg.
This kind of passive attack from others is hidden and can continuously output damage. What’s more frightening is that it may have been tolerated and accepted by you, or even considered normal.
This kind of “stealth attack” is very common in the workplace, but it can cause great distress. You may have encountered it but you don’t know it. Even if you find it, you may not have the courage to expose it like Yamy and get a lot of attention.
More terrifying than PUA is the invisible attacker in the workplace
What is a stealth attack?
Senior clinical psychologist Scott Wetzler mentioned in the book “Beware of Invisible Attackers Around You”: Invisible attacks are also called passive attacks.
The simple explanation is a person vents his emotions in a negative, bad, and hidden way, in order to attack people and things that make him dissatisfied.
It is not a direct attack method, such as blame, complaint, anger, or even physical attack, but more covert behavior, which is frequently reflected in life and workplace, such as deliberate delay, cold violence, deliberate suppression, Contempt, indifference, irresponsibility, failure to keep promises, secretly mischievous, etc.
Different from PUA, it is not a skill that can be actively acquired, but a personality disorder formed by various factors, which means that these people have more or less psychological problems.
Passive-aggressive person is a master who is good at using conspiracy and tricks to control others in the workplace.
He praised your abilities and seemed to be very helpful to your career development. In fact, he did this just to make you believe that he is supporting you. But soon, you will find that his words and deeds are inconsistent, and you will wonder how you believed his nonsense in the first place.
In Shakespeare’s play “Othello”, Othello’s enemy Iago is such a conspirator—he unconsciously controls the people around him. He is a very controlling, very selfish and cold person.
His housekeeping skill is to never reveal his true nature to others.
“Othello” drama stills
Since passive aggressive behavior is basically related to power and control, it is not surprising that passive aggressive men continue to fall into power struggles in the workplace. This type of person in the workplace makes you take responsibility for him and control your behavior until you finally find that you are a puppet manipulated by him.
He is like Iago manipulating others behind the scenes, making you fall into a set trap unknowingly. Even if you see the trap, it seems that there is no way to avoid it due to various reasons.
You will be very upset: “Why would I do this? How could I get into this predicament? Why would I sacrifice my life for him and sacrifice my own interests?”
How to judge whether it is a workplace attack or a normal work opinion? There is a very simple way: see if it is right or wrong to the person. (The manipulator and the attacker are targeted at people)
Passive aggressive behavior can be seen everywhere in your daily work, and you must be very familiar with this behavior. The following signals can detect whether you are being manipulated by superiors or leaders. (You must be very careful when you dislike 2 of them~)
1. Your leader always evaluates your performance, mostly criticizing
2. Your leader praises you face to face, but you can feel that he is slandering you behind his back
3. You feel that no matter what you do, you can’t satisfy the leader
4. You used to think you were qualified for this job, but you don’t think so now
5. You are always asking your colleagues for their opinions and want to know if they are the same as you
6. After get off work, you often replay the conversation between you and the leader in your head
7. When you review the conversation between you and the leader, you are not sure who is right and who is wrong
8. When you look back on the conversation between you and the leader, you don’t remember what he said, but you feel hit
How to break through the invisible attacks in the workplace?
Invisible attacks in the workplace are not only from bosses or leaders like Yamy, but also from colleagues and partners. Regardless of whether your role is a manager or an ordinary employee, you will not be immune.
So, what are the main methods of stealth attacks?
Continuously making excuses
Passive attackers tend to have a strong sense of self-protection. They will continue to make up excuses to relieve themselves of responsibility, and often push the reasons to others. For example, it is clearly your own problem, but you can just open your mouth and say it’s someone else’s.
Intentionally obstructed
Passiveness, non-resistance and control of others are the main characteristics, and a strong desire for control.
He will specifically look for those areas where the relationship is tense, and then aggravate the tension, such as facilitating a power struggle, causing a deadlock, causing a fight, but not solving the problem.
Insult others
The passive aggressive type is a self-centered person. He aspires to be an important person and is sought after by others, so he will often make insulting words and actions.
For example, in a Korean workplace movie “Old Man Intern” last year, the boss in it was often thrown into the trash without even looking at the plans of his subordinates. When the team built a meal, they would not agree with a bowl of soup. Splashed over, and the subordinates often dare not speak.
There is another kind of insult that is more subtle and not easy to detect, but it can also make people very uncomfortable.
For example, when an appointment is made, some leaders/partners will continue to interrupt the meeting on the grounds of dealing with important things. This interference is actually a reminder that I have other important things to deal with. The subtext is “I You should be grateful for such a versatile person who is still taking time to have a meeting with you.”
This actually implies an extreme disrespect.
Shirking responsibility
The passive attacker also has an indispensable “skill”-throwing the pot + taking power, he is very likely to deceive colleagues or subordinates to help him.
If the colleague’s suggestion is successful, he will take the credit to himself. If he fails, he will say that he had doubted it before and was the first to excuse himself.
This kind of people will stretch out black hands to make things worse when necessary. For example, in the recent hit drama “Thirty Only”, Jiang Shuying played the cabinet not only because of her colleagues but also The framed up was to steal her client, and the colleague who framed her accused her of her own problem.
The invisible aggressive behavior in the workplace is typical of boiling frogs in warm water and cutting meat with blunt knives. In fact, we can feel it more or less, but we often don’t know how to deal with it.
In the book “Beware of invisible attackers around you,” the author provides several ways to deal with it.
1. Set boundaries
You must be the one who resets the boundaries and bottom line. This is the basis for clear, candid, and open communication.
Confront the obvious lies and confront him, such asIf the other party’s request is ambiguous, confirm it repeatedly.
Let him know what you can tolerate, what is acceptable to you and what is unacceptable. In this way, you can have greater control instead of being exploited.
2. Act decisively
Separate what you are trying to do from his work, especially when it comes to promotion, and minimize the damage and influence from him.
If you have to cooperate, don’t be foolish to help him “solve” the problem and back up. Carefully record what you do and report the progress of your work at any time. If necessary, send memos every day.
In short, don’t let him interfere with your work efficiency or affect the normal working environment.
3. Cultivate courage
When you find that the other party is beginning to cross the bottom line and have to make an inch, don’t bear it anymore. Forbearance will only continue to fuel the other’s arrogance.
It’s really not good, it’s the best policy.
This article is from WeChat official account:CITIC Publishing Group (ID: citicpub), author: A letter