This article is from WeChat official account:Shadow jade (ID: avimp4), author: Ma Xiangyu, title figure from: vision China
Hello everyone, this is Ma Xiangyu.
A few days ago, a piece of social news that was not considered a sensation was quarreled with hot searches by netizens. The cause of the incident was that a 7-year-old girl in Foshan, Guangzhou stole toys in a shopping mall. In the beginning, no matter what the girl’s mother and the clerk asked, the girl just refused to admit it.
In order to teach her daughter a lesson, the girl’s mother chose to call the police. Under the persuasion and education of the police, the girl finally admitted to the theft, and the subsequent parents also paid compensation according to the original price of the goods.
According to the results, this matter can be regarded as a positive ending.
But the choice made by the girl’s mother to report to the police has left netizens arguing on both sides. Some people think this is a wise and rational way of education; but at the same time, many people think that the girl’s mother has overcorrected.
Some people say that she is a giant baby who shirks the responsibility of education, and she does not want to guide herself to delay the police force; some people say that she is a negligent mother with a performance personality, who does not reflect on why the child steals, but makes a big fuss and leaves her young soul for a lifetime Shadows.
Regarding these criticisms, Xiangyu wanted to justify this mother: Maybe the police in person is not a perfect solution after careful consideration. But compared with purely beating, scolding and accusing, this is definitely a more sincere, positive and civilized education method.
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“Stolen needles when you are young, and steal gold when you grow up.” This is an ancient saying that the Chinese have long believed in. So in terms of children’s education, our nation has always been known for being harsh. Any signs that may develop into criminal behavior will be completely stifled in the cradle.
Educational concepts have changed so far. It’s no good to indulge and doting, and no to being harsh and repressive.
The post-80s and 90s who have just passed through the age of the only child and are new parents are at a loss with regard to education. You can only explore new ideas for parenting by combining your own experience and external ideas. Calling the police to catch one’s own child is a typical example worth talking about.
Unlikely. In March last year, a mother in Anhui feared that her son would become addicted to playing card games, so she threatened that her child had violated the law and ordered him to surrender to the police station. The child was so scared that he carried a schoolbag of game cards and cried loudly in front of the police on duty.
In July of this year, a mother in Guangzhou took her child to the police station to “surrender” after paying compensation to the owner because her son scratched someone else’s car with a toy. Under the patient guidance of the police, the child realized his mistake of running away and taking the responsibility.
When the news came out that a girl had stolen a toy and was called to the police by her mother, netizens couldn’t help but compare the three. It is said that it is a threatening education that wastes social resources and overdrafts the trust of children. It is clear that children’s mistakes are a problem of family education, but parents have chosen not to act and shirk responsibility. It is also easy to cause children’s psychological problems and leave a psychological shadow.
But Xiangyu wants to say that these three cases should not be confused at all.
Worrying about my son’s addiction to games is entirely in the category of family education; parents should also be solely responsible for the cultivation of good living habits and consumption habits. Therefore, the mother’s way of deceiving and intimidating children is indeed a fuss and shirk responsibility.
But stealing and scraping vehicles in shopping malls are all illegal and criminal acts of infringement and damage to others’ property. It is about ethics and laws and regulations, and it has also involved the interests of others. Although the child is still young and has no capacity for civil conduct, the police have no right to punish him. But this is also an opportunity to guard against failure and teach children the rule of law thinking.
Compared to mere beating and nagging and dissuasion, a tangible experience and lesson can impress them even more. Let the children know from the bottom of their hearts that there are some rules in this world that there is no room for maneuver and connivance. They come from the social environment, not their parents.
Even if parents can tolerate and tolerate, there is a stronger force to monitor and regulate at any time. One day they will leave their parents’ discipline and restraint, and they must also manage themselves and be responsible for all their actions.
Furthermore, simply attributing the child’s theft to the mother’s negligence is actually very one-sided.
In fact, the vast majority of people have stolen in their childhood. From a psychological point of view, this is because children generally have a need for self-reliance after the age of five or six. They will constantly confirm the boundaries between themselves and others by stealing, in order to end the chaos with adultsSymbiotic relationship.
At this time, only proper punishment can help them establish a correct sense of self. The intervention of external forces can also make them more cleverly aware of themselves and complete independence.
So in Xiangyu’s view, there is nothing wrong with calling the police to punish her mother for stealing. In the process of children’s growth, family education and external education (campus and society) are indispensable. The two complement each other and make up for each other to create a healthy and healthy growth atmosphere.
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For this mother’s education method, Xiangyu is willing to call it a real “wolf sex education”.
This is different from the “wolf sex education” that has been misinterpreted in China in previous years. It is not to imitate Japan and South Korea and expose children to extreme environments to hone their physical fitness, willpower, and hard-working spirit. Let the children become cold and ruthless, lack self-confidence, and gradually begin to treat the whole world with the extreme methods they accept.
It’s like a real wolf pup. Before weaning completely, she went out with the she-wolf to practice hunting and adapt to the environment; in addition to the protection of her parents, she also entered the wolves to learn more complicated survival rules.
How does the real “wolf sex education” apply to human education?
Parents should be able to find the answers they want in the high-scoring animated film “Wolf’s Child Rain and Snow”.
This film directed by the famous animation director Hosoda Mamoru was released in 2012. In the year it was released, it won the Yokohama Film Festival Jury Special Award and the Japan Film Academy Award for Best Animation Film. Douban scored 8.6 points. The meticulous and powerful maternal love presented in the film made countless people cry.
The mother in the story is called Hua. She was originally an ordinary and unremarkable female college student. An accidental encounter made her fall in love with a werewolf who survived alone in human society. He gave birth to his daughter Xiaoxue and son Xiaoyu without hesitation.
Although the life of a family of four is a bit poor, it can be considered happy and peaceful. Unexpectedly, not long after Xiao Yu was born, the gentle werewolf husband suddenly passed away due to an accident. The pillar of the family has been lost, and no one will help himWe shelter from the wind and rain. The burden of raising the two children fell on the weak shoulders of Hua.
The life of a single mother is more difficult than Hua imagined. She had to quit her part-time job and quit school to take care of her two young children. Expenses can only rely on the savings left by the husband, and there is not much left after two years.
In addition, as the two children grew up, their werewolf genes became more and more obvious. The wildness exposed from time to time prevents the family from living in the city.
So Hua made an extremely important decision: The family moved to a remote mountain country to live. There are enthusiastic and honest villagers, as well as free and mysterious mountains. Unable to determine whether he is a wolf or two children of a man, he can slowly define his identity while growing up.
The most moving thing about Xiangyu is: At first, the audience would think that the naughty and naughty Xiaoxue would choose to be a free wolf;Xiao Yu, who is tired and restrained, will choose to be a stable person. But as the two children grow up, their path has gradually deviated from the original expectations.
Xiaoxue felt the care and kindness from the villagers. It was also because of exposing the wolf nature to accidentally hurt friendly classmates, so I gradually learned to restrain myself. She is more and more like an ordinary human girl, knowing the severity and rules.
But Xiao Yu felt the call and attraction from nature. Under the guidance of the beast teacher in charge of the forest, he tried to liberate himself in every way. He is more and more like an extraordinary wild wolf, loving freedom and psychic.
When the flower as a mother is about to bid farewell to the child who has chosen the future path. She cried and blamed herself: I’m so sorry, my mother couldn’t do anything for you.
But this is not the case. As a mother, she has done everything she can.
Don’t abandon your child when it is difficult to survive, and do your best to provide the child with the most prosperous and happy life. Accept children’s differences and respect children’s nature.
Create a sufficiently free and tolerant environment for children, allowing them to explore and shape themselves in a more complex and diverse world.
If they encounter dangers and frustrations that they cannot face alone, they will also come forward at any time to comfort or enlighten.
There is no perfect, flawless mother in the world. And all this is already a mother’s greatest fearless love.
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Although this movie is just an idealized fairy tale. It weakens the cruelty and sinisterness in the environment to highlight the selflessness and strength of a mother. But instead, we can see that even such self-sacrificing parents will have too many material and spiritual problems that they cannot take care of. Instead of building an imperfect glass cover, it is better to admit your own shortcomings and accept your limitations frankly, and hand over part of the responsibility of educating your children to an environment outside the home.
Little rain fell into the water to catch a big bird and nearly died. Xiaoxue was exposed to wildness for fear of being excluded and injured. When all this happened, their mother was not by their side. But these times when facing contradictions, conflicts and uneasiness alone have really allowed them to gain growth.