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After being educated in life, I realized that women must have their own career pursuits.

Editor’s note: This article is from the WeChat public account “Liyu Professional Beauty” (ID: crystal_words), author : Zhao Xiaoli.

01

In the recently hit TV series “Dear Myself”, there was a character who was exclaimed by the audience that it was very substituting, and an article commented that this character to some extent exposed the “real plight of the current grassroots women.”

This role is Zhang Zhizhi played by Kan Qingzi.

Zhang Zhizhi is a typical “grass-roots woman” who is doing an administrative job in a company and earns 6000 yuan a month; her husband Liu Yang is a “Phoenix male” and a college student from the countryside.

After getting married, Zhang Zhizhi basically shifted her focus to the family. She not only has to take care of the children, but also serve her husband, Zhang Luo’s family, the young and old, and trivial housework, etc., but even so, she does not feel in the family Respect to the minimum.

Because I don’t want to has a second child. Zhang Zhizhi, who pursues a “rich daughter”, suffers from her mother-in-law. Less runs, and her husband Liu Yang “sees nothing” for her contribution. He is furious if he doesn’t do as much as he meant…

• In Zhang Zhizhi’s place, it seems that no matter how much she paid, she was “as it should be”. Despite her dedication and thoroughness, she was still complained and even accused by her husband, and even her husband cheated.

When talking about his derailment, the man said shamelessly: “As a married man, I think I am worthy of this family, pretending to be a grandson in my work, and listening to his wife complaining when I go home. My only fault is I am not a robot!”

Zhang Zhizhi in “Dear Myself”

Some people say that Zhang Zhizhi’s role makes people feel sad and angry.

Because in Liu Yang, he can’t see Zhang Zhizhi’s contribution, but thinks that he has suffered too much in his marriage; he thinks that he has a monthly income of 15 thousand, so he feels that he has taken everything in the family and completely ignores What Zhang Zhizhi did for this family.

As the author YIBAO said–

“Most men regard domestic labor as something women should do, and men over-recognize their value.”

In my opinion, the most important thing for women to protect themselves after marriage is to never give up their pursuit of self.

02

What made me realize the importance of work to women was the personal experience of my colleague Yun Jie (pseudonym) when I was working in the company.

At that time, Sister Yun was an in-house worker in the company’s sales department before she became pregnant. She was mainly responsible for data statistics of the sales department, salary accounting, and billing with customers.

At that time, I happened to be the chief accountant of that company, and I inevitably had to check some data with the sales department. After going back and forth, Sister Yun and I gradually became acquainted.

• Sister Yun is very kind, speaks very gentle, and made very detailed data. Later, because she was pregnant, the company leaders transferred a statistician Xiao Liu (pseudonym) from the workshop to replace her. , Sister Yun also unreservedly brought Xiao Liu familiar with her work.

One time when I was on the way from get off work, I asked Sister Yun if she had any plans after giving birth. At that time, Sister Yun told me happily that she had discussed with her husband and planned to have a baby after giving birth.Working mother Mom, she smiled and told me that she had some worries at the time, but her husband said: “You can calculate how much money you get for an experienced and reliable nanny , And your salary is only enough to pay the nanny…”

At the time, I only felt something was wrong, and reminded her two things–

The first is “the heart of harm is not allowed, and the heart of defense is indispensable”.

The little Liu she brought seemed to have a bad reputation in the original workshop. Everyone reported that this little Liu was a scheming man, and there seemed to be some problems with his character.

• I said to Sister Yun, no matter what, you still have to pay attention to the handover. It’s best to sort out a comprehensive and systematic handover information, in triplicate, so that the transferor, the transferor and the supervisor (department Supervisor) the three people checked and signed for confirmation.

Second, it is best not to interrupt the career line, even if you want to be a full-time mother, you must plan ahead for yourself.

Once Sister Yun stays at home for a few years, her career will be interrupted. In case the life of a full-time mother is difficult and she wants to return to the workplace without planning, she will be embarrassed and passive.

• Sister Yun laughed. She said that I had been worrying about it. She said that the handover doesn’t need to be so complicated. Anyway, I don’t plan to go to work anymore. I have a stable emotional foundation with my husband. She feels that she has no pursuit of work, it is better to bring a baby at home and just take a break.

Looking at Sister Yun’s happy face, I also hope that I’m too worried.

03

Later, Sister Yun went home for maternity leave. After taking maternity leave, she came to the company to go through the resignation procedures. At that time, she looked a little haggard. She and I complained about the hardship of bringing the baby, but look It can be concluded that she is still immersed in the joy and happiness of being a new mother.

In less than a year, one day, Sister Yun suddenly contacted me and asked me to sit out, wanting to chat with me in person.

When I came to the agreed place and saw Sister Yun, I was stunned: Sister Yun in front of me was sad, completely devoid of the previous vitality and vigor.

Talk aboutSister Yun regrets the experience of bringing a baby full-time at home.

• Sister Yun said that she thought she had a stable relationship with her husband, but later found out that no matter how stable the relationship foundation is, it can’t hold up the trivialities of the family, especially after she left the workplace, her heart became more Because of sensitivity and vulnerability-she became less and less confident, afraid to look in the mirror, and began to dislike herself a bit.

Under such psychological effects, she valued her husband more seriously, and at the same time she became “succumbing to gains and losses”, for fear that one day her husband would start to dislike herself, so she would often think about her husband because he did not respond to her in time. Will be anxious because of her husband’s delay in calling her back.

Since she left her job, Sister Yun has basically no social interaction-every day she has grievances and bitterness wanting to confide in her. When her husband returns home, she will complain to her husband. At first, her husband was quite patient , But later complained a lot, and my husband began to feel bored. Even after an argument, my husband said: “You look like you, why not go back to the company to work!”

Sister Yun’s heart was broken by these words, and she stayed up all night.

Since she quit her job to take care of her children, Sister Yun’s condition is getting worse and worse. It seems that she has inexhaustible housework every day. The key is that no matter how well you do it, it will be difficult for you to get a word of approval from your husband. sure.

• “Housework is really invisible,” Sister Yun said with emotion, “It’s like you cleaned the house with your hard work today, but you can’t see it in the eyes of your husband. He will think It should be like this…”

“What makes me even more unbearable,” Sister Yun said: “Since my husband is at home full-time, my husband has also begun to ask for my housework. He thinks it’s okay for me to take care of my children all day long. =”project-link” data-id=”115879″ data-name=”艺似” data-logo=”https://img.36krcdn.com/20200729/v2_5008950551fd47deb22331e90fe89716_img_000″ data-refer-type=”2″ href =”https://36kr.com/projectDetails/115879″ target=”_blank”>Art looks like there is hardly any improvement…According to his words, he returns home every day, the dinner table should not be the same Food?!”

Listening to what Sister Yun said, I was more certain about two things.

One is that people really change.

Even couples with good relationships, due to the unequal economic status, will cause a psychological gap between each other: whether it is for themselves or the other party, the psychology of the two people will undergo subtle changes, and the expectations of the other party will also occur. Variety.

• In this case, if both parties do not recognize this, fail to do the corresponding psychological construction or cannot communicate effectively, there will be a problem, that is, the unconfident party will transfer the pressure to On the other hand, the person who has a job hopes that the other person can care more about themselves; the person who has a job is eager to understand and care, but what he doesn’t want to hear is the other’s complaints—that is, both parties will face a huge gap between expectations and reality.

If both parties cannot take effective measures to solve these problems and conflicts, then the result of the evolution will be “one little quarrel a day, three days big quarrel”, family conflicts will gradually escalate, and eventually both parties will feel refined in the marriage Exhausted.

Second, it is extremely dangerous to pin one’s life pursuits on outsiders.

Through Sister Yun’s narration, I found that the root of her dilemma is that she always tries to pin her life on outsiders.

I have to say that this is a very dangerous way of cognition and thinking.

After Sister Yun resigned, was she really reconciled?

• In fact, she suppressed too much unwillingness and grievances, these grievances and unwillingness did not disappear, but projected on her husband: in other words, she has more and more expectations and demands of her husband Many, she not only hopes that her husband will make money, but also that her husband will be considerate of herself, and she also hopes that her husband can help her realize her unfulfilled career ideals (such as promotion and salary increase, high spirits, etc.).

If her husband’s behavior repeatedly disappoints her, then Sister Yun may also appear to another extreme, which is to pin her life’s hopes on her children—she will continue to put pressure on her children, hoping that the children can realize her failure Completed life ideal…

Think about it, are the marital or family tragedies of many grassroots women like this?

04

“You said, what should I do?” After Sister Yun finished talking, she threw the question to me.

I told Sister Yun that in my opinion, whether unmarried or married women want to not lose themselves, they must not give up self-growth.

This “self-growth” includes two aspects: one is professional growth, and the other is internal growth (including mental maturity, self-exploration, and hobbies).

• Sister Yun said that she now realizes that she shouldn’t give up work that much. If she could put more effort into her work at the beginning, even if she had half the energy and energy of bringing a baby full-time, she would not I have been doing sales back office work.

One thing I didn’t say is that Sister Yun is basically unlikely to return to the company.

Because during Sister Yun’s maternity leave, the new salesman, Xiao Liu, began to continuously report to the leader how bad Sister Yun’s work was, including errors in reconciliation with customers, etc., because Sister Yun did not After going through the formal handover procedures, there was no handover of materials to testify. Gradually, as Xiao Liu’s similar feedback increased, and it seemed to be justified, the leaders felt that there was a real problem with Sister Yun’s work.

In other words, if Sister Yun, who had completed her maternity leave, did not return to the company to resign, the company would not have a suitable position for her, and she might face the end of being dismissed.

Another month later, Sister Yun told me that after talking with me, she also realized her problem, and regretted not listening to my advice at the time, but she decided to start now. Change.

Later, she made up her mind to return to the workplace and mobilized her mother-in-law to help with the children. She used her previous savings to apply for an accounting training class and passed the relevant certificates. Under the introduction of a friend, she came to a company to start. To work as a cashier.

Sister Yun has experienced several job-hoppings and became the accounting supervisor of a company.

And I, after a series of transformations, started career planning and consulting work.

Today, many years later, one thing I am still sure about is–

• People are fickle after all, instead of investing so muchTime energy is on others (even if this person is your own husband or child), it is better to spend more time on yourself; and work is not only our food and clothing parents, but also a necessary process for most of us to complete self-growth and transformation. the road.

Above.